Blew A Gasket in Hello

2:47 AM and don’t care about sleep tonight.

While I am happy that I got out…the last few days haven’t been so nice.

I’ve been out on the road every day running an errand or committing myself to some mundane task. When at home I’ve retired to my room for gaming or reading. Television has been bothering me. The radio in the car has been bothering me. My freakin’ smartphone has been bothering me. I’ve found that when trying to talk or explain something my mind is going faster than my mouth and I choke up. Can’t get the words out.

Everything has collided.

Today I was irritable, couldn’t think straight nor form a coherent sentence and finally snapped at mom to stop asking me questions if i feel up to doing something, what do I want for dinner etc. I get she missed me and usually goes with the flow. My answer for everything was I don’t know. I just don’t know! Quit asking me things for I cannot think!

Today I just couldn’t do it.

The underlying discomfort boiled to the top. Sensory overload from the last few days. Television, Internet/phone, same songs on the radio station, every little thing getting to me.

I just want someone to shut off all the noise.

Glad I went to the library Tuesday. I’m on the third (and last) book I checked out. Stack of graphic novels next.

Hanging in my room with a book helps me slow down the bullet train brain. I spent a lot of time envisioning the environments of what I read from my bunk. Now I’m here, feels like I have the equivalent of the static “snow” with the accompanying noise from those tv stations when the cable would go out roaring in my head…I don’t think I’m going to leave the house tomorrow.

Or this weekend.

Yeah, I think that’ll be for the best.

Last updated June 28, 2024