Rumination in Current Events

I have 99 problems and studying ain’t one. I feel weightless now that the semester is over. I feel aimless, I don’t know what my next move should be. School may not be exacerbating my mental health issues but I can tell that they are still there.

It’s just been work, and then me doom-scrolling at home after my naps. Sometimes I go to the gym. I’m in a rut. I am getting wanderlust. I need novelty. I am craving it. It is starting to sink in that I am missing out on such an awesome opportunity with that non-profit. I need to commit myself to getting a car this weekend. That is the only thing holding me back. I also want a hot girl summer, dammit. The thought of leaving my coworkers though, I can’t bear it. I love my team.

I can feel my inner equilibrium shifting. My mind is also rebooting. I am hoping that it is for the better. As my inner algorithm is shifting, so is the content on my socials. I can’t tell which one came first. I am gearing up to work on my side projects. Start up my podcast and make content for the socials. Take a crash course and then start investing.

Though things feel a little steady, I don’t trust myself so I am still going to continue working with my therapist. I am an intellectualizer, this may seem like it makes his job easier but this is a problem. I also learned of a new term that describes me well—analysis paralysis. It’s also associated with a Ni-Ti loop.

Analysis paralysis is the inability to make a decision due to overthinking or overanalyzing available information, leading to excessive deliberation and a lack of action.

Analysis paralysis can be associated with a Ni-Ti loop, a concept from Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) theory. In this context:

Ni (Introverted Intuition): Focuses on envisioning future possibilities and patterns.

Ti (Introverted Thinking): Analyzes and evaluates these possibilities logically.

Individuals, particularly those with Ni-Ti as dominant and auxiliary functions (such as INTJs or INFJs), can get stuck in a loop of envisioning various outcomes and scrutinizing them extensively, leading to indecision and inaction. This is because they may continually refine their ideas and predictions without reaching a definitive conclusion, thereby experiencing analysis paralysis.

I am stuck in my head. I need to bring myself to the present. I need to bring myself into my space. I got my gym sessions out of the way so I can throw myself off this weekend. I need to trip myself up. I tend to need a crisis to get enough dopamine so that I can feel motivation. I understand that now, ADHD. I want to be able to activate God mode and stay there. That would be dope.