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I don’t think that I know how to relax. I don’t have class, I don’t feel like I should be studying. I don’t feel like there is something that I am supposed to do, which is what motivates me to stay busy. There is nothing to crush my soul today. I need problems! Always!

I was talking with another vendor at work today about my ADHD. She’s a safe space. She thinks that she has it too. She’s a Virgo. That brain is restless. My Scorpio Moon is in the 6H, love that for me. I do declare that those of us with anxiety disorders are adrenaline junkies. Worry and excitement are the same physical experience. Saving things for the last second is another free adrenaline rush. I’m starting to see a pattern here to my self-sabotage. If I look at it all through the lens of having an inner child, he is just trying to have fun. So to speak.

I can have a thought to myself now. God I hate school. It’s awful. I’m tempted to not go back I love this lack of pressure so much. I was so light on my feet at work today. A joy to be around. Well, I usually am BUT I wasn’t having to fake it.

It’s a beautiful day out, I don’t have to be at my desk trying to study. I don’t have to end up laying in bed from the compression of depression that comes with the pressure I wasn’t able to take. I didn’t have the headspace for it. I have some homework to do for my CBT that I can work on.

I need a hobby. All I have is the gym but I refuse to become a gym rat. It’s been almost a year at this gym and I don’t feel like I have much to show for it. Muscle wise. Mind you, doing it the way my ND recommended is slowly producing results. I just have to flex hard to see them. Also, I can see how much strength I have gained by what I set the weights to when I use the machines.

Wonderlust should be my hobby, silly me! That was my side quest before school. My podcast/whatever you call it.

I pay for Spotify and I am finding a lot of audiobooks that I have on my wishlist on Audible available to me free for me. I started A Song of Ice and Fire. The writers of Game of Thrones did us all dirty with the ending. An entire prequel was made for Danaerys, this speaks volumes. She is not going to end up like in the show. She is going to be the opposite of every Targaryen before her.

I’m going to give myself until Monday to just be aimless. I’m still a Capricorn and a happy Cappy needs goals. The Scorpio Moon in Virgo’s house needs it too. I’m probably going to last an hour. I get restless.

PS (post scripture)

Talk about synchronicities. This landed in my feed.

Last updated June 12, 2024