Socialising in Adventures in paradise

I’ve actually been doing a bit of socializing, which has been so unlike me lately, But it’s what I need to do to kick this anxiety-bitch off it’s perch. It seems to be treating me good. I feel normalish. I get twinges of anxiety now and then and I kind of take note of it without ruminating too much and then I’m onto the next thing in my day, which is good. Keep this up, Matt. No negative talk about myself and definitely no suicidal thoughts popping up. Don’t want to speak too soon, but it’s nice to note my progress. Of course I am still confused as to how my depression score is still so high when I was mostly ignorant to it even exisiting lol. My therapist has some explaining to do. But I’ve yet to book in for another appointment. They are pricey, so I’m trying to space them out, and I’m in an okay place right now.

On Saturday night, I went to the Gold Coast just to have dinner with my friend Brent. It was also with his family, which was a little bit weird, but I do know them from many years back when Brent used to live at home and I’d visit him there, so it’s not like we don’t know each other. These days, his parents live down in Forster in NSW. It was nice to see them again. Two of their friends were also there whom I hadn’t met, but they were lovely too. Of course a lot of the talk was about their work and their friends and I had no idea who any of them were talking about, so that’s why it felt weird, but it was nice to get to catch up with Brent and have a brief conversation on the drive on the way to the pizza place. I had a lamb pizza and Brent’s dad so kindly picked up the bill for everyone. I was so touched! His poor mum had a nasty cough but was nice about coughing away from everyone, and it reminded me of how bad mine was last week.
Thankfully mine has gone. I still can’t believe the doctor said all my results were clear, so it must have been environmental - either from my heater or the smoke reduction burning outside wafting into my room while I slept, I dunno.
Brent still hasn’t told me what trumatic event he experienced (around the same time as my own) but he told me he’s lost of a lot of his friends over it, including his best friend. I found that really sad. He was sort of telling me a story in regard to it and told me to “Use my imagination.” I replied, “I’d rather not, as my imagination has gotten me into the mess I’m in as it is.” Ha! Anyway, whatever it was must have been pretty bad as it involves legal things and him recommending a psychic to me who has helped him immensely, as the poor guy thought he was going to go to jail. Of course part of me wants to know what the hell happened and part of me doesn’t as well. He’s lost friends over this and we’ve been friends for something like twenty years. I find myself wondering if I would judge him as well. I know that’s bad, but I get scared when it comes to most things illegal. All I can do is trust my friend when he says he is not that person who made a mistake and is trying to make up for it. I think I’ll leave it there for now. Maybe it’ll come out, maybe it won’t.

They were doing trackwork (as usual) on the Gold Coast trainline, so I had to catch a bus for part of the journey. It took me almost three hours to get there, but thankfully I got an express bus back and it was closer to two hours. So five hours of commuting for a free dinner with my friend and his family haha. Looks like I’ll do anything for a free feed.

Speaking of free feeds, it was Vish’s birthday yesterday, so I’d asked him if he was doing anything and called him a cunt for not inviting me :P It is a term of endearment between us. So Vish invited Brande’ as well, as he considers my friends are his friends, and Brande’ kindly picked me up and we drove over there. James was cooking dinner and Tim turned up as well. The conversation got a little heated when everyone was talking about Palestine/Israel, so I could have done without that, but hey, it’s a part of the shit world that I have no control over and I need to learn these things and accept them. But yeah anyway, I gave James his late birthday present and Vish his. James’ was a sparkly gold pen and a keepsake wine cup and Vish’s was a ceremic black and white cow and a piggy-bank that says ‘Stiletto Fund’ on the side. They loved the gifts.

In other news, my dad’s been in and out of hospital a few times now, and is currently back in again. It’s been about five days so far this time. His kidney function was far too low for the doctor’s liking. Two of the doctor’s were disagreeing about what treatment he should be on (one being an actual kidney doctor) so that sounds like a shit-show. The latest is that the non kidney doctor has won out and has told them he is following a precise set of rules. Jesus.
My older brother is also in the war-zones, as he recently had a back-brace put into his spine and has been having complications with bleeding out through his bandages. So that sounds horrible as well. The latest there is that apparently the wrong type of bandage was used and the doctor has said everything is as it should be with him. But man, worrying. And on top of that, my poor sister has Covid and it hasn’t been kind to her. She’s also likely immunocompromised due to her earlier cancer treatment, although he doesn’t talk about that, so I really have no idea. All I know if that mum said she was “coughing up toenails.” I was like, ‘what-now?’ I asked her about it and didn’t really get a response other than she’s feeling like ‘crap’. It’s her birthday in a few days time so I’m really hoping she’ll be feeling a bit better by then. I think she’ll be 50.
And then I had all my shit going on with me, but that seems to be okayish at the moment. I definitely feel I have fatigue though and it might be a symptom of long Covid? I dunno. But I can have a full eight hours of sleep and be walking to work and feel like my eyes want to fall out of my head. Such a strange sensation.
I did start going back to the gym this week though, so I’m happy about that! I’ve started wearing a white singlet there too, as I think I look hot in it haha. And it’s nice to have a nice thought about myself. I think it’s because it helps make my pasty white-boy Winter skin not look so albino.
Man there’s some pretty boys at that gym though. I have missed perving on them haha. Of course most of them are straight and the gay ones (or the ones I think are gay) don’t even notice me haha. They probably have husbands. Such is the circle of life. I’m hoping my white singlet works. Hey, if I think it looks good, maybe I can get the attention of a nearby mate also :D