August 2004 in 2000s

TUESDAY, AUGUST 31, 2004
And again the sleep curse got me, though not by the bird. I just kept waking up. Mostly because of strange dreams or because I was cold. I suppose I’d sleep better in a more temperature-stable environment, but knowing how far off that is, along with things like a bathroom that’s bigger than 3x3 makes me want to scream! I try not to think of it, but when I do, it’s in happy anticipation. Once in a more normal and civilized setting, I’ll be all the more grateful and appreciative of it after missing it for so long. So many people take so many things for granted, like water and electricity. When you’re so used to walking up to a water faucet and simply turning it on and having instant water, as well as effortlessly walking up to a light switch and flicking it on for instant light, and having outlets that work all the time, you don’t realize how easy you had it till you have to live like we are now.

Anyway, I slept from about 1:00 to 7:00, then mainly laid around till 11:00. Meanwhile, I’m too tired to bounce or do much of anything.

MONDAY, AUGUST 30, 2004
I am so pissed. So, so pissed! To say there’s a sleep curse on me is a total understatement. It is so, so obvious! My 7 AM wake-up call was so, so supernaturalish. Woodpeckers simply don’t go banging on the undersides of vehicles. They don’t. Period. Yet whatever this bird is, and I know it’s a bird of some kind by its cries, has to be pretty big in order to make such a racket. We could’ve just rented an apartment and let it be the owner’s responsibility to play fix-it when things broke, other than our personal stuff if I knew I was going to sleep this poorly. What’s God going to do when I’m in the shed? Have this bird go beat on that at 7:00 in the morning?

I am so, so fed up with this thing that doesn’t want me to sleep! It’s really too bad it doesn’t have the guts to come face me in person, whatever the fuck it is. For years I was frustrated and annoyed, but now I’m furious! Hasn’t this thing got anything better to do than pick on my sleep? I’ve been cursed in that department all my life, in a sense. Throughout my school years, I always had trouble falling asleep and trouble getting up in the morning. But why is it so damn important to this thing that I lose so much sleep? Why does it care so much? It’s gotten me 5 times in August alone!

Later…

They didn’t say anything about it, but they did get into my photo albums. The auto receipt I got says so.

I called and talked with Paula. She didn’t recognize my voice at first, but when she realized it was me she shrieked with delight to finally be hearing from me.

She really had me nervous when she said she hadn’t gotten my long 10-page letter till she said she hadn’t been by her box in two weeks.

Her one and only other friend, Alida, a Puerto Rican girl, died of AIDS. She didn’t even know she was dying. I guess the girl kept it a secret for some reason.

Miguel got in trouble again for hitting her. Of course, the male Puerto Rican only did 30 days for it while I, a white female, had to do 180 days for utter bullshit.

I was surprised yet glad to hear she recently burned the last of the incense and liked every single stick. Even the prank blank!

I’m sending her 25 sticks I didn’t care for in a brown manila envelope with bubble lining. There are 5 different fragrances.

She still asks me if I got my braces off.

I showed her where Oregon is on a map she had. After guiding her away from Louisiana and up over California, she found it.

I’m burning my Sweet Musk now, dreading the idea of falling asleep. For what, to get woken up a million times along the way?

Tom thinks the banging was caused by a bird trying to go after a chipmunk that was hiding, wedged in somewhere down under there.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 28, 2004
We’re now about 20 minutes from the pizza place. I thought I’d take this notebook with me. We were both pleasantly surprised to find my incense magically appeared yesterday. Her story was that she had the wrong box number in mind when he first asked about it. Yeah, I’ll bet she had the wrong planet in mind, too! Anyway, she said she tried to call, but she only had the old phone number. By then he was back at the land anyway. The next question is, will PG send me the dolls I’ll be ordering around 10/1 and will the mail people let me know about it if they do?

I called and let Jeff know I got it and asked if he had much trouble getting packages. Very rarely, he said, making me believe even more that it is a package curse on us.

Anyway, the order is perfect, though the Angel still smells different. It’s like they added some other scent to it. This means that they didn’t screw up the last order after all. I noticed they added this smell to the Patchouli, too. Maybe he really did get a new supplier. Different people have different versions of the same things.

Later…

We’re at the pizza place now. We might’ve gotten here sooner if we hadn’t gotten held up by a piece of old farm equipment.

To finish with yesterday – the land deed arrived, too. It was weird seeing my name on a piece of paper that says I own land! Another thing I was glad to learn is that if anyone tries to dispute ownership of this land, it’s Michael’s responsibility to fight it and prove otherwise and not ours. This was great to hear as so many things are our responsibility as it is that shouldn’t be. Being forced to play mail carriers and get our own packages delivered to us when that’s the job of the post office is enough!

Some flirty cock left a message in my Webshots guest book telling me he loved my pool handstand pictures, to write back, etc. The spelling was so bad that I’d be ashamed of myself along with embarrassed! Naturally, I ignored the cock.

Tom said sleeping in the truck like he did last night was no problem, but he burned himself when reaching to turn the portable heater off. He says there should be no problem with me getting in the shed next weekend (which I have to see to believe), but will sleep in the truck every Friday night I’m still in the RV.

Later…

Fucking college kids live better than us, I swear! The door to the refrigerator just fell off. Anyway, I’m just going to relax for the rest of the night and hope this shitbox doesn’t fall apart anymore on us.

Poor Tom. He went to sleep a little over an hour ago, then woke up 10 minutes ago and ran outside and puked. I can’t blame it on him since he didn’t overeat. He’s pretty sure it was the pepperoni on his pizza. He said he thought it had tasted a bit off. If this had to happen, at least it happened when the moon was full enough to light his way to a bush, and on a non-work night.

Meanwhile, I can’t listen to music, I don’t feel like reading or working on my story, I’m out of things to write about, so I guess I’ll just be bored all night. At least I have my wonderful smells to enjoy. Ah, that Morning Mist! It’s as lovely as always.

Actually, I could write about my PG plans, though if I were smart I wouldn’t trust them or the mail people. But I do stupid things, which means I’ll order the dolls I want and I’ll do the work of getting them to me. I shouldn’t have to pay shipping fees if I’m going to have to be the one to get the damn things to me!

Anyway, I plan to save up $116. That’ll be $30 for Asian Koko in lavender, $30 for Hispanic Valentina in violet, $40 for redheaded Erin in ivory, and the rest is shipping costs. All the dolls are 16” vinyl fashion dolls.

In January, assuming I got a $100 allowance in December, plus $100 in Christmas money and $39 in b-day money, plus grocery savings, I’ll get stuff from Ashton. There’s this $35 Indian figurine, plus the Indian ornament trio for $35, an all-porcelain toddler doll in a swimsuit for $87, and an all-porcelain ballerina for $100. These prices include shipping and will come to about $260.

When it comes time to order from PG in about 5 weeks from now, I’m going to order online. That way there’ll be no misunderstandings over the phone, like how Maricopa became Miranda. Maybe by now they’ve had enough complaints to have gotten their shit together, but we’ll see. I’m just so cursed when it comes to packages no matter what.

Now I’ve got Magnolia burning – awesome!

Later…

Tom’s gone to bed early in preparation for the long day he’ll have tomorrow. They have a special order at work they want to get done fast, so tomorrow and Tuesday will be 10-hour shifts with just half a day on Friday. On top of tomorrow’s long shift, he has to do the laundry, plus spend over an hour on the road.

They say it’s to be 89º tomorrow and I certainly hope they’re wrong like they usually are. I hope it’s like today was – warm, but not hot.

I’m burning Hazelnut now. I love its rich, nutty smell.

Jeff said he didn’t get the Webshots links, he must’ve missed it, would like to see my part of the world, could I re-send them? I re-sent a more complete link, along with Webshot’s address and my username.

I wonder if Bob and Jeff are a couple? They both sound the same with their Southern accents, and scented things are usually a woman’s thing.

Anyway, since we’re going to go at a more leisurely pace with the house, I decided I don’t want to wait 5 or more years for a mannequin, so sometime in February or March, I’ll begin saving up for one. I’d like to have $400 when we go to San Francisco, though I may be able to get a decent one for $250-$350. So, sometime in June or July, I hope we have the cabin done and get the mannequin around that time, too. If I get a standing one, it shouldn’t take up much room. Especially with them being as skinny as a rail.

Tom fixed the laptop, so I guess I’ll use it to listen to music till it breaks again.

We went to a little diner in Bonanza and got cheeseburgers. It was good.

I’ve been trying to put spells on scratch tickets like I did in Arizona, but so far I’m only having a little success. I haven’t been nearly as psychic here as I was in Maricopa and I wonder if I ever will be.

It’s been days since I worked on my story, so I think I’ll go make some soup, then work on that.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 27, 2004
It finally did warm up. It’s in the high 70s in here.

I knew the sleep curse was going to get me any second, and sure enough, today was the day. I just got the luxury of having it wait till I’d gotten 6 hours of sleep and not just 4. What is it with each place we move to being harder to sleep in? Will it be this way when I can no longer feel Tom and hear things like rainfall and other outdoor sounds? Oh, to have a bedroom in a house with a fan running in it while I slept! I miss those days. Some curses are inescapable, though. When I am back in a house with a fan, there’ll be something else if I don’t wake up just for the hell of it or on account of some bizarre nightmare.

I woke up with the feeling that something was wrong. Seeing that it was just 63º in here confirmed that suspicion, but I was too tired to play fix-it with the damn heater, so I plopped myself back down on my bed when the pilot finally did come on.

I might’ve fallen back asleep if the knocking hadn’t started. Then I heard a bird screech that sounded like an eagle, though only woodpeckers go banging away like that. You mean I have to put up with woodpeckers here, too? Great, just great!

Why are some curses escapable while others aren’t, like my weight? I’m now 124 pounds and I’m not even trying to lose weight. How do you go from not being able to lose weight when you try to lose it, to being able to lose it without even trying? A few possibilities crossed my mind. Tom thinks it’s the types of calories I’ve been consuming now that I’m not having the kinds of calories that are in TV dinners. If it isn’t that or a curse that was on me in Maricopa or a tapeworm, then maybe the religious fanatic in Florida wasn’t kidding about thanking God for everything, both good and bad, having a positive effect in the end. So, since I always try to keep an open mind after all the strange experiences I’ve had in life, could it really hurt to try to be thankful for our shit always breaking (the laptop won’t boot again) as ludicrous as it sounds?

Either way, I still think there was something evil back on that Maricopa land and it was keeping the weight on me. After all, 8 pounds is a lot for a 38-year-old to lose on 2000 calories a day.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 26, 2004
If we decide to stay in a motel just to get away for a day and have a real bathroom and real electricity, it’ll be after Labor Day when people go home and back to school. This place is going to be the opposite of Arizona; the population will decrease in the winter. I’m still sure, though, that God will see to it that someone noisy goes next to us who can’t sit still for a minute and that has to go in and out a million times. The place we have in mind is in strips. Meaning, there won’t be anyone above or below us. Just slamming doors next to us.

My weight is still down to 126 pounds. Well, am I going to lose more or not? I doubt it. I still like to eat and I’m still older with a slower metabolism.

I do so hope Tom gets my incense from the mail people. It’s like – damn them! They got the first package right, so does this mean they’re going to botch every other package like Bob and Jeff botch every other incense order? Well, it’s unlikely there’ll be other packages at this point. I’m too tired of having to do other people’s work for them. I’ll buy stuff in person even if it means losing out on a lot of things I’ve been wanting. When I asked myself, if I ordered dolls from PG, would they send them and would the mail people let me know if they did? This was when I realized that that was no way to shop. It shouldn’t be hit or miss when a person buys something via mail, but for me it is.

Maybe I’ll wait till we get an address assigned to us. Tom says UPS and FedEx should have no trouble finding it because they use GPS nowadays.

No more bothering to check the weather online either, cuz they’re always wrong. Almost always, anyway. They said it was supposed to be back in the 80s today, yet it’s in the 60s.

I wish I could fall asleep till he got back and not have it screw up my schedule cuz I’m so bored. I know I could read, write letters, work on my story or sing, but I don’t feel like doing any of these things. Better to be bored, though, than to have no time to relax. The damp, cloudy weather kind of puts me in a lazy mood, too.

I could go out walking, but there’s not much to walk to, other than up and down the road. It’s too easy to get lost in these woods cuz it all looks the same.

Saw a rabbit earlier. There are definitely not as many rabbits or birds here as opposed to chipmunks, rats and mice, but that’s ok. I don’t miss the giant spiders, the scorpions and the dangers of living with rattlesnakes.

Later…

Those mother-fuckers at the mail place! There’s no escaping other people’s bullshit and being put out by them! Tom spoke with the woman there (it’s a father/daughter team) and she insists that she’s the one who signs for all the packages at the PO and that she swears there were no priority mail packages on the 20th. So then I called and spoke to Bob this time around, then had Tom talk to him. He gave Tom the package’s numbers and he’s going to try one more time tomorrow after work to see if it magically appears (though we know that one’s unlikely), then go to the PO. If they can prove that she signed for something we didn’t get, that’s her ass. Tom thinks the old geek of a cock gave it to someone else. Yeah, either that or the bitch stole it, though why they did whatever they did with it yet got the first one right is beyond me. Tom will file a complaint with the postal inspectors if he can prove she did in fact sign for it. There’s still always a chance that it’s sitting at the PO and they didn’t really deliver it, though it’s a slim chance. The mail people got it. I doubt anyone at the PO stole it. Too many cameras on them. The good of it is that we’re not out the money if we can’t find it. Bob will make up a new order free of charge if that’s the case, which is so nice of him. Maybe they weren’t trying to lose me after all.

I wish to hell we had a mailing address so I could request that everything be shipped here! We can’t have a PO Box because they require a physical address, so that means either dealing with these people till the box expires in November or going to another private mailing company. I think either way we go, I’m cursed with getting packages. Something up there has always tried to keep me from the things I’ve wanted. I’d love to be able to find a place in person to get all these things, but that’s just not going to happen. It’d be too long a drive to find a place that does custom dolls, and I’d have to go all the way to San Francisco to get a mannequin. I wouldn’t mind going there, though, and I know Tom wouldn’t either. San Francisco is closer to us than L.A. was to Maricopa. Besides, I always did say I’d like to see the mannequins in person.

We found a few doll stores in the Medford area. I hate to have to drive 2-3 hours to get the damn things, but if I have to, I will. Meanwhile, I have to give up the Ashton-Drake and PG dolls.

Later…

We did some online research. First, I sent Bob and Jeff links to my photo albums so they could see why we can’t get mail here and to be “friendly.” It was a way of letting them know I don’t blame them at all.

Meanwhile, if we’re going to have to be the ones to get the packages to us anyway, we may as well drive all the way out to Medford, the closest big city to us. KF is simply too small to have any JBS-like doll stores, and I certainly have no problem adding a visit to San Francisco to my list of experiences and seeing the mannequins in person before buying one.

We also revised our building plans yet again. Instead of a cabin kit or cabin plans, we may get Home Depot’s biggest, nicest shed for two grand and live in that until the house is built, which we now think will be huge (2000 square feet and almost as big as the house in Maricopa) if we’re going to have to wait a while anyway. The shed has a huge shelf that we could turn into a bed. Then there still may be room enough for a little kitchen, office and bathroom, in which case we’ll turn this heap of shit into a storage room.

I just had another grim thought. Just how honest are they with people’s outgoing mail? Could it be that Bob never got Angel Eyes cuz they kept it for themselves, perhaps curious as to what I could possibly be sending a prison inmate? Well, from now on we’re not going to give our mail to them. We’ll drop it in mailboxes and directly into the PO’s hands. Just maybe Mary has written, and maybe I should’ve gotten more samples by now.

We may go back to our original plan of having at least a partial cellar, only he’ll still use the shed for his office. The cellar can be where the washer/dryer is, plus storage, maybe an eBay room if we ever get back into that.

I wish I could snap my fingers and have it be a few years from now! I really do. Why oh why must people, time, circumstances and money always hinder us? Why must our things break so often and why can’t we do something as simple and as reasonable as receive our mail?

Later…

And the breakage curse lives on! Why, why, why, why, why????? The laptop won’t boot so I can listen to music and the portable MP3 player’s broken again, too. There’s too much else to do! Tom doesn’t have tons of time to stop and play fix-it! What, was the only reason we were put here on earth to be little repairmen and to do other people’s work for them? Well, I’m not only sick of having my plans fouled up due to other people, but I’m also seriously considering having nothing, and I mean nothing. Nothing mechanical that could break, no more packages, etc. Just books to read and paper to write on. On top of that, I ought to sell what I do have that isn’t a necessity.

Later…

I went to leave Tom a message so he wouldn’t think someone stole the shit MP3 player from the truck and accidentally woke him up. He said he could fix the MP3 player in 5 minutes. I told him to forget it. Instead, he fixed the laptop by pulling a card out of it and then it booted up ok.

That’s all well and good, but I’m still contemplating having just food to eat, clothes to wear, books to read and paper to write on. I’d love to be able to talk myself out of using things that can break and of getting more stuff. But could I give up all this without feeling like I was missing out? It seems unlikely, but maybe I could. After all, I didn’t even feel like I was “missing out” back when I wanted a kid. Cursed, controlled, depressed and angry, but not missing out.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 25, 2004
I am so fucking pissed! The incense was sent to me on the 18th! I definitely should’ve gotten it by now. That was a whole week ago. I am so, so sick of lost or delayed packages! So much so that I’m determined to buy as much as I can in person from now on, even if it means giving up a lot of things I’ve been wanting. This package curse is just so fucking old! Anyway, I called and spoke to Jeff and he said he’d check into it, but I have a feeling I’m going to be faced with having to decide whether or not to take a refund or have them make up a new batch. If I were smart I’d take the refund.

Later…

Jeff left a message saying that the PO said they delivered it on the 20th, so Tom will check it out tomorrow. Tom reminded me that last Saturday, the 21st, how one of the guys that works there who’s old and not too bright started to tell me I had “something else” in back, then he came back to tell me he “didn’t think so” and that it was just the beauty sample I got. I totally believe Jeff when he said he shipped it and to the new address, too. So I emailed him and let him know I’d get back to him after I checked at our mailing company. Hopefully, it’s still there and has just been sitting there since the 20th. Tom’s pretty sure that’s the case. If worse came to worst, I think they’d cover it once shown the delivery numbers from the PO.

When he asked how late was too late to call, I told him not to worry since I was up till 2 AM. He said, “Then you should be working with us.” As much as I’d love to, he needs someone there, not someone working from their home.

Today’s much like a winter day in Arizona! The heat’s been running all day so far. It’s set to go on at 67º and run till 72º. It’s been cloudy and rainy. I hope I don’t end up kicking myself till May for coming here! Nah, the beauty, peace and quiet are well worth it.

The rat woke up for a few minutes wanting to come out and stretch his legs. He actually listened this time when I said “no” to places and things I didn’t want him getting into.

Tom thinks we’ll be able to move into the house next fall. As I told him, though – no way. No way will it be that soon. Our goals always take longer and his time frames suck. Even if we had the money right now, circumstances and weather will delay us. Especially if he gets laid off.

Then he brought up an idea that I like the more I think about it and that’s to put up a small 400-square-foot cabin till we can get the house built up enough to move into it. It’d provide great storage space in the end and it’d also make the place look more populated, as well as up the value towards the next move.

Later…

We discussed it and we are going to get the cabin first, which they say can be put up in just two days, provided he doesn’t have to stop and play fix-it, though it won’t be till the spring.

Meanwhile, he bought a bottle of propane so we don’t have to go through the hassle of driving this old lug into town every time it needs propane.

I found my “lost” MP3 files. Apparently, when I’d move them from folder to folder, I’d accidentally drop them.

Instead of dumping this RV in the woods, Tom will probably part it. After he strips and sells what he wants, it can still be a shed. It’ll just be a very old shed that leaks in a few places.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 24, 2004
Today was as cloudy and cool as yesterday. It feels very fall-like. Tom says people are saying this is highly abnormal for August in Oregon. Yeah, until we come here! It’s a nice change, though, from the constant heat and sunshine. It also cuts the bug count way down.

Still no incense. Why, oh why do I have to work so hard at getting things delivered to me? It’s NOT my job!

Later…

I didn’t feel much like reading or working on my story, so I addressed envelopes to Paula. Bob’s going to get a few more, though, because there weren’t any duplicates of those few, though most had 50-100 of the same design.

I had a little scare a little while ago. On top of him having to play adjust-the-choke on the damn truck, I thought the RV’s heater broke. I realized it had dropped to 64º in here, even though it had been running for several minutes. I had to switch it off, then back on again a few times to get the pilot to ignite.

I did some “doll art” earlier using my chrome nail polish to draw jewelry and shoes onto a few of my Barbies. One wears a white and silver gown in which I painted a silver strap over the tops of her feet, making it look like she had sandals on that match her dress.

MONDAY, AUGUST 23, 2004
It was a cool 60-degree day. The heat ran all night last night and just came on for the next 12 hours or so.

Instead of going to Florida when he’s between 55-65 and risking losing our house in a hurricane, we talked about San Diego instead. To one day live in California would be sort of like a dream come true. Especially being where I’m from. We’d still go to a retirement community, of course, well away from the city animals. I don’t know what it is about California that’s always held a magical attraction for me. Perhaps it’s partly because Kate lives there and that’s where Charlie’s Angels was filmed, but only partly, as California’s fascinated me long before the show hit the scene.

Anyway, it’s cool to have a long-term goal (I think this dream can and will become a reality because I made it to Arizona) to one day look forward to, as well as my short-term goals of a house and fun stuff. After the thrill of moving in and setting up the Maricopa house died down, I became rather bored till the freeloaders felt it was time to cure that boredom with their shit.

Tom fixed my portable MP3 player, I’m glad to say, so I can listen to music on the long and boring rides to and from KF.

Sure enough, just 17 days after my period, I started bleeding today.

Ah, but here’s a strange one – I awoke at 125 after several days of eating quite a bit. If I could eat like I have been and not gain weight, that’d be wonderful. I still don’t think I’ll lose much more, though.

I got fed up with all the spam I was getting, so I ditched my old email account and opened a new one. Tom said there are ways to check to see what gets filtered out, since the damn incense people, who still haven’t shipped my incense, might not be able to get through. Tom thinks it is shipped, though, and that they simply haven’t updated the shipping status site.

Same with PG. I decided to save up $104 for 3 of their fashion dolls and see how their service is in Oregon, though for the most part, I’ve always had to work at getting dolls delivered to me no matter where they come from. The shitty thing is that they no longer offer free shipping on orders over $100. Everybody’s canceling their free shipping on orders exceeding certain amounts! They also seemed to have switched from using UPS to regular mail. I still doubt them when they say that most dolls are shipped the day after they’re ordered. Especially when most of them are out of stock. I just hope that those that are out of stock don’t end up being shipped too close to Christmas when the PO is overwhelmed and more likely to fuck up! I also hope I’m not forced to be the one to do the work to get the damn dolls to me whenever they are available.

I slept till 1:30 today because I couldn’t fall asleep till after the sun came up. I hope this doesn’t throw me off schedule.

I remember back in Phoenix bitching about feeling like Tom and I were living like welfare bums or 18-year-olds, but even welfare bums and 18-year-olds don’t live this bad! I also still worry, since something up there likes to see us controlled by others so much, that they’ll lay Tom off and cause him to have to start the job-search process all over again, also causing us a financial setback.

I took a couple of large boxes and dumped them in the abandoned trailer so we don’t have to have the hassle of dumping them. There are tons and tons of sticks that the packrats dragged into cubbyholes within the place.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 22, 2004
It finally rained. In fact, it came down quite steadily and for hours, too. It’s to go back to 80º next Saturday, hitting 85º by Tuesday.

I wish we were in the house with nothing to do, but we have to dodge the rain to play fill-up-the-water-tank and light-the-pilot. We both need showers.

The sleep curse has gotten me 3 times so far this month and the month isn’t over yet. And that’s not counting all the times I was woken up, just the times I couldn’t go back to sleep right away.

Again he woke me up Saturday morning, so we agreed that for every Friday night I’m still stuck in here, he’ll sleep in the truck.

Quite a bit has happened since I last wrote. First of all, there’s been no pig sightings or visits, though it’s still too soon to know whether or not they plan to harass us by mail.

Tom said he’d be willing to move the RV deeper into the woods so it couldn’t be seen from the street, but I said, nah. We couldn’t take the shed and screen room with us, and besides, if they really want to get at us, they will. And God will see to it too, since I’m the one he never cares to protect!

Tom’s not worried about it, saying you normally have 30 days to rectify the situation, as in running down to get permits, but I say we own this land, so they can rectify my ass!

Anyway, yesterday we stopped at the mail place where I found a few beauty samples waiting for me, and a letter from Paula saying she was happy to hear from me and asking how Oregon is. Also, the usual man troubles. Miguel’s back in jail again. What a wonderful example the two are setting for Justin!

I’m sending her a long, detailed letter. We exchanged phone numbers, but I want to wait till she gets the letter before I call, then we can discuss it, as I told her.

She mentioned taking apple cider pills for weight loss. Hmmm…never heard of that one. We’ll have to see if it works.

Meanwhile, it’s funny how more often than not, it’s the ones who aren’t very sound of mind that end up being the most loyal of them all.

Yes, she got the incense, which she says she’s finishing up, the CDs are good, sorry she didn’t send the $10. Yeah, I knew she wouldn’t, but as I also told her, we’re not as bad off as we were, though we’re not doing great either.

After I mailed off a letter to Bob (I’m more convinced he did get Angel Eyes since it still hasn’t been returned to me), we went to the Chinese place where I got shrimp fried rice.

At the little strip mall where the lady at the mail place said she got her little cat, I found they had all big cats rather than little ones, which I wanted anyway. I like big things and new things. They were either black or white. Some were curled up asleep while others stood on all fours with their tails sticking up and curling over their backs at the ends. I got a black standing cat for $21 with real rabbit fur. The only thing I’d add to it would be whiskers and slightly longer legs. I put a Barbie on its back and she really looks like she’s going horseback riding, only on a cat!

We went to Home Depot and got a partial floor. It’s just that it’s so damn expensive! We got tongue-and-groove wooden tiles to cover most of it. We’ll use particleboard for the edges of the shed. We got sealant, but no insulation or lights yet.

I tried Walmart incense, so I thought I’d try K-mart incense since Bob and Jeff still haven’t shipped my damn incense unless they just haven’t updated their shipping site yet. It was better than Walmart, but not worth getting again, and certainly nowhere near as good as what I hope to get this week. This one has Jasmine, Oriental Woods, Rain, and Black Plum.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 20, 2004
I was worried that today was going to be like yesterday, but thanks to the clouds we’ve got today, it’s beautiful. So far it hasn’t gotten over 81º.

One reason I’m glad it’s nice, besides being more comfortable, is so I could do some rearranging in preparation to move into the shed. I mostly organized my clothes

Later…

Well, it did end up going up 5 degrees, but not until 2:30.

Saw a very unnerving sight earlier. At around 7:00, Tom and I were chatting when I spotted a squad car going up our street.

Tom’s theory about it seemed to shift from someone complaining about us to it not being related to us at all.

For one, if it were either due to a complaint or the sickos following and finding us here, why didn’t the pig stop here?

His first thought was that Bob complained, the pig came to see where he was talking about, and now he’s going to mail us a letter saying a complaint was filed on us, which Tom thinks we can get out of even if we are ticketed, cuz no one can prove we’re living here and we’re not obligated to prove we aren’t.

I was surprised when he said he’d suspect Bob as the complainant, who no longer works for Michael, but then he told me about some comments he made that I didn’t hear (I mostly spoke with his wife while they spoke). The cock told Tom that he called Michael about people putting up sheds on a particular piece of land, then Michael told him he knew about it and that they’d been there 6 weeks, yet Bob said he was going to turn them into the county anyway.

And here we are putting up a shed.

I swear to God, though, if that moron does complain about us, not only will I refuse to pay the damn ticket, I will fight back. So if he complains, he better be prepared to get complained against himself!

Of course, other possible scenarios ran through my mind, for obvious reasons. After being manipulated and abused by pigs in two different states, I can’t help but be paranoid. Paranoid enough to draw the curtain that separates the cab from the rest of the RV and draw curtains in the windows, too. Once I was out of here and in the shed, I was going to leave it wide open to let the sunlight in, since he doesn’t mind sleeping with the bright moonlight, but no way. I know that if someone really wanted to get in here, they would, but I’m not about to let them see what we’ve got so easily either.

We both agreed, though, that if someone came knocking, I’d just play dead and not move a muscle. I know trouble can penetrate a house if it really wants to, yet I’ll still feel way more secure once we’re in the house!

If they happened to catch me out and about – well – a certain pig taught me to keep my mouth shut now, didn’t it?

This brings me to a few other possibilities, but hopefully very remote ones. Naturally, my first fear is that the sickos want to go for round 4 with us and have found us here.

Then there’s Teddy Bear. Again, just maybe I really did get her fired. And just maybe she really was biding her time, and when the time was right to retaliate, she tracked me here to Oregon. Why not? She’s a pig, after all, so she could easily pay the PO a buck to get our mailing address, then follow us home or put a tracking device on the truck, though the tracker seems way unlikely. It’s just that I’ve been surprised by a lot of things in the last 12 years, so I’m not as quick to write things off as being impossible like I used to. Nobody did 6 months county time for something they were supposed to have written, as far as I was concerned, yet I was proven very wrong.

I know it’s a waste of time, but I still beat myself up for not simply telling the pig, “Charge me or release me.” Sure he’d have locked me up that day out of spite if I had kept quiet, but maybe then it would’ve only been for that day and not for 6 months.

Anyway, Tom went out to investigate the tracks and get them fresh in his mind so he’ll notice any changes if there are any. This was when he concluded it had nothing to do with us; because the pig appeared to loop around from B Lane. He thinks they were just following up on a report of kids on ATVs or hunters or a stolen vehicle that someone may’ve abandoned here. Well, I don’t care what it is as long as no one fucks with us. I swear, if we get screwed here, I’ll seriously believe without a doubt that no place on earth is safe from other people’s shit! If you’re not safe on a mountain in the wilderness, then where are you safe? Where?

I’m even taking my floppy disk out with me tomorrow that I backed my recent stuff up on.

I hope I sleep well tonight as I look forward to going out tomorrow!

I’m amazed at how many mice I see scurrying about at dusk. Catching one for a pet would certainly be no problem at all.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 19, 2004
Yesterday came today in that it was pretty hot at 88º. Tomorrow’s going to be bad too, then it’ll cool off over the weekend. See? Something wants me to suffer during the week when he can’t be available to start the generator so we can have the AC. Seeing how it was down to just 79º at 9:00 last night wasn’t very promising for a comfortable day today, so I figured as much. Either way, it wouldn’t surprise me if tomorrow were the last really hot day since it’s getting to be late August. We have a 25º-30º fluctuation between highs/lows here just like in Arizona, so it really has to make it all the way down to 55º for it to not get so hot. I doubt it fell under 60º by early morning. I know it was 66º at 4:30 when he woke me up. Just when I thought I was adapting, he not only woke me up this morning, but I couldn’t get back to sleep till way after sunrise and slept till 1:30! I normally can’t sleep past 82º, but I slept till it hit 86º. Maybe the breeze helped, along with my tiredness, though I did wake up a million times along the way. Then, once I finally got up, all I could do was lay there lazily and wait for him to get home and start the generator cuz it was too hot to do anything else.

As much as I hate snow, I guess it’d be kind of cool to see after not seeing it for 12 years. We even talked about doing some cross-country skiing around here. He’s way excited about the snow cuz he grew up without it and has only seen it a few times.

These chippies really know how to get what they want! They just ask. In Arizona, the p-dogs would wait till I went to them, but these guys come to me. I found one of the babies hanging on the door again begging. Soon enough they’re going to be in here and eating out of my hand.

I’m back to 127 pounds. Maybe if life could stop interfering with my workout routine, and maybe if I could discipline myself with the eating a little better, I could get back to 125 and stay there for more than 5 minutes. If only I didn’t crave such variety in my diet and could get myself to eat the same things regularly, except for once a week when we went out. Variety is what adds up in dollars and in calories.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 18, 2004
Tom came straight home from work to work on the shed. He had stopped by the mail place before work and found I had a letter from Bob. It’s rather disturbing to read that he’s still waiting for my story when he should’ve gotten it by now. I figured he should’ve gotten it by the 11th, yet his letter was postmarked on the 14th. I hope he got it right after he mailed the letter off to me.

Anyway, it was a quickie, saying that because they want him on oxygen all the time, they want to move him to a maximum security prison in Shirley where he’d be locked down all the time, and he doesn’t want that.

I told Tom that if he’s sure he doesn’t want to use the RV for storage when we’re done with it, rather than bring it to a junkyard, I think we ought to use it as another deterrent so we’ll be flanked by abandoned trailers, and put it on the other side of us. I don’t think he’ll go for it, though.

He wants to save up money for a well when we get in the house, which I think is both a good and a bad idea. It’s bad because all they do is break, but it’s good to not have to haul water, and it’d up the value of the place. At least this time around we’d have the money to keep fixing it, though I’d rather spend the money on other things.

Just like today, tomorrow we’ll hit a high of 87º, but next Monday’s supposed to only hit 62º!

TUESDAY, AUGUST 17, 2004
Tom gave that chick from Florida a ride home yesterday that he says is fat, ugly, old and loud. When I asked him why he can’t say “no” to the things he really doesn’t want to do, he said he doesn’t want a rep for not being nice. He worries too much about what others think, I told him, and he said he wants more money. That won’t get him more money, I also told him, that’ll get him used. Today she didn’t need a ride. Her husband got her which is nice, even though he says it’s on the way.

Again a group of people was told not to come in tomorrow because of a lack of work, but fortunately, he wasn’t one of them.

Today was a pretty nice day. It only peaked at 84º. They revised tomorrow’s high of 90º to 87º. Not much difference, but any bit helps.

Later…

Tom worked some more on the shed. Supposedly we’re still on for me moving into it this weekend. I just need a light, a camping heater, a porta-potty and a floor. Then I can add my stereo later.

I’m still going to write most of my letters to Bob by hand, even when my bed is turned into an office because it’ll be a hassle to set up the printer. Besides, it’ll give me something to do during the times he’s not here and I haven’t much electricity to do much more than listen to music.

Cock smell. I hate it! Fortunately, he’s gone in to shower it away. He had been working on the shed, so that’s why he stinks.

I got an email scam from someone claiming to be affiliated with PayPal and wanting to verify people’s identities. Anyone with half a brain knows never to give personal information via email and that no legit business would ever ask for such info like credit card numbers by email. I decided to shock the scammer by filling in the fields with not only bogus info but with comments about going to jail, knowing who they were, etc.

One of the baby chipmunks that never seems to grow has come to trust and like me a lot. It was so cute earlier! I was on my bed writing when I heard sounds at the door. I rose to find it hanging on the screen, begging for a treat.

MONDAY, AUGUST 16, 2004
Yesterday really was much better than the day before. We got along, got ahead, and were not set back. We got most of the shed up and the generator started after only a few pulls. I helped with most of the construction of the shed. Tom could’ve done it himself, but it would’ve been much harder. I still probably won’t be able to move into it till next weekend or later.

I guess I should go work on my story. It’s been a while. I haven’t even read for a while either. It’s just been too hot to do much of anything, but sit around wondering why God hates us so much!

Later…

Today’s thing to break was the vacuum. I guess the belt broke. Either way, instead of playing fix-it, I’m just not going to vacuum this old piece of shit.

Today’s warm, but not hot. If they’re right about the upcoming forecast, Wednesday - Friday is going to be sheer hell, in the 90s again. I can’t wait for it to cool down! Not just so the days will be more comfortable, but so I can close the windows at night. Having lights on at night really attracts the bugs. There are some small enough to fit through the screen.

I’m up a pound at 126. I doubt I’ll ever lose any more weight. At least not a significant amount anyway.

I hope to get mail from Bob anytime saying he got Angel Eyes. Not until then will I send any more stories.

Despite the clouds we’ve had, there’s been no rain in a couple of weeks now, and there probably isn’t going to be for the next two weeks either. I see what they mean when they say that the driest time in Oregon, particularly in this area, is in the summer.

Today I hope we can complete the shed’s roof and doors. There’s still so much more we need to get for it!

Later…

God, I am so sick of this heat! It’s 86º now and sure to end up around 88º by the time Tom comes home to start the generator, if he can get it started, so we can run the AC for a while. We think yesterday’s quick start was a fluke. Well, I know it was. Anyway, there’s no end in sight to this heat. Thank God we didn’t stay in Arizona!

We decided that instead of spending the money to rent a house during the winter and having to deal with city noise day after day, we’ll just go to a motel when they’re predicting more than half a foot of snowfall, and I’ll deal with the door-slamming there. He says the motels will be deserted in the wintertime, though I’m sure that whenever we’re there, there will be people next to, under and above us that’ll come and go a million times while their kids run screaming up and down the walkways.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 15, 2004
Today’s a stark contrast from yesterday. So far, anyway. The weather’s nice and cool with a thin cloud cover. Leave it to the evil above to pick on our generator on such a hot, humid day as yesterday!

We’re going to have hot days till around the first week of September. I remember all too well how seasonal climates work.

Right now Tom’s working on the shed, then in an hour, we’re going to go to the place at the Bonanza junction for ribs and whatever he wants. Guess I’m still a little psychic because there were a couple of parts missing from the shed like I told him I was worried was the case. It’s ok, though, because the dumb cocks gave us a box that doesn’t go with this 10x8 shed. It’s a floor kit for a 10x14, so he swiped the parts he needed from that. We’re hoping we can use the floor kit for an additional shed for storing our stuff. All we’ll have to do is order the rest of the parts. No wonder we were compensated yesterday with having to play fix-it; we got a hell of a deal in the end!

There’s a catch, though, and that’s that as much as we’d love to save money by getting our stuff out of storage, we have no other place to get water just yet.

Did he wake me up this morning? Of course. His sheet bunched up under him so he got all fidgety. Then the rat was bonking his head on the cover of the tank trying to get out. This time around, though, I was able to return to sleep.

Later…

The rib place was closed, so we hopped across the street to this Irish bar and grill and I got prime rib. The last time I had that was in Nevada. I just don’t remember if it was Vegas or Laughlin. We’re closer to Reno from here, so if we ever go there to gamble, that’s where we’ll go.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 14, 2004
Today was a pretty shitty day. At least parts of it were. We first went to K-mart where we got a few things we needed. Then, for just 88¢ each, I got two 0.5 oz. Designer Perfume Imposters. I got Sensuale, similar to Glow, and Primo, similar to Giorgio. The Primo’s especially good. What’s so cool about them is that they’re in aerosol spray cans, rather than pumps, and you can spray them anywhere on your body, including under your arms. I’d rather use these for deodorants anytime. They’re good for spraying on sheets, too.

We checked their site out and found that I could get quite a few of their $3.50, 2.5 oz. bottles. I registered at their site. It’s supposedly a way of bringing imitations to the people without the expense. Most perfumes are between $20 - $40. There are about 20 I’d like to try sometime.

Afterward, we ate at the Chinese place. They know us so well now that they don’t even have to give us menus or take down our orders. I had their veggie rice this time around. Next time I’ll get the shrimp rice. When we left, Tom left his glasses in there and one of the waitresses ran to give them to him though he’d have realized it as soon as he got behind the wheel.

So, despite the heat and humidity, all was still well. We went to the mail place, found the land deed waiting for us, and got it signed and notarized right there and sent off. Now, however, we have to wait an additional few weeks while Michael signs/notarizes his own copy, then files it with Klamath County.

Our last stop was Home Depot. We got a 10x8 shed for less than we thought. It was about $250. However, it doesn’t have a floor. We’ll have to get sheets of plywood for it. It also has doors that slide shut and meet in the middle. We’d have preferred a swinging door. So, it still needs a floor, anchors, some form of lighting, insulation and a camping heater. Then I’ll get this pink furry rug I saw at Walmart, then I’ll get my stereo out of storage and new headphones, too.

Backing up a bit – I knew the sleep curse would kick in anytime now. The kind where after 4 hours of sleep I get woken up and am unable to go back to sleep. Sure enough, because he took too long to get going and out the door this morning, I was unable to return to sleep. I laid there a while on the very edge of sleep, but never actually really slept.

I saw a couple of mice out and about before sunset. I’ve also heard them bopping around under the RV at night, but Tom assured me there really isn’t anything they can hurt.

Good, because our stuff gets hurt enough on its own. When we returned was when things got rough for a few hours. I swear something doesn’t want us to get ahead and that it’s never going to stop kicking us back with the damn fix-it games! We came back to find it was 91º and way muggy. Again we were teased with storm clouds that never rained here. Who knows how long it’ll be before it rains again? As is the case every other fucking time, he couldn’t get the generator to start. Instead of doing anything with the shed, if only to go through the instructions, he had to take the fucking thing apart. We sweated our assess off for 3 hours before he finally got it going. A piston ring jammed up, apparently, so there was no compression.

Speaking of kids, why must they make animal sounds for hours on end? I mean, they just never shut up! As wrong as it is, I can totally see why some mothers lose it and end up beating the shit out of their kids.

Anyway, as if I hadn’t had enough shit to deal with for the day, I slipped going out the door and tore part of the screen. He had to put duct tape on it.

I just hope all this suffering we’re going through now won’t be all for nothing, and that we don’t come to regret moving here like we did with Maricopa. Either way, no matter where we go, I think we’ll always be cursed and always struggling to get ahead, but never quite making it. Too much time is lost on account of the breakage curse.

The rat is now on his “play with me” and “feed me” trip he goes on right about now till I go to sleep. Last night we shared a pudding cup. I ate the cup, he licked the lid. It was like old times when Little Buddy and I would share ice cream.

Anyway, I can’t wait to get in the shed! I’m sure there’ll be all kinds of delays and that it’ll be weeks, but I’m so sick of the damn wake-up calls! I know sleeping in the shed won’t be a cure-all to the sleep curse, but at least I’ll have a place to go to get away from him when he’s impatient with me and snapping at me and putting words in my mouth, and I won’t get woken up as often. I just don’t want to be around him much. He’s just not much fun to hang with most of the time.

Why can’t life ever be simple? Why must it be so full of struggles, hardships and flukes for us? If we could go a month without setbacks and breakage, it’d be a true miracle. I mean one should be able to walk up to their 5-year-old generator that costs hundreds of dollars and just start it. And one shouldn’t always have to get in their vehicle and wonder if it’s going to get them to and from wherever they’re going.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 13, 2004
Today was as hot and dry as Wednesday was, hitting 90º. Right now, though, it’s gorgeous because we’re on the fringe of a storm. There are lots of clouds, lightning and wind, but no rain yet. I’d have killed for these gusts of wind earlier. I’m surprised it’s still hanging on at 79º.

Instead of getting an electric starter for the generator, though we’ll need it anyway for the house on cloudy days, we may get a used car. We need a backup anyway, and he could hook cables to its battery so I could run the AC. It’s been frustrating to have this AC and not be able to run it till he gets home! The weather’s been the opposite of when we first got here where the days were nice and the nights were cold. Now the days are hot and the nights are nice.

I’ve discovered a better way to keep cool. Rather than strip and mist myself with the mister, which only evaporates in minutes, I put on a sundress and drench it. The wetness clings to me and keeps me cooler for longer periods of time.

Bumming it in the wilderness is hard, though I still think it’ll be well worth it in the end.

Tom said he saw two trucks, apparently together, go by while he was outside. Damn, that’s about as much traffic in two days as we had in two months! I got mad at him when I said I hoped they weren’t spies come to shoot me for what we’ve got, and he overreacted and put words in my mouth, saying I never had to come back here again, he’d take me to a motel, etc. I assured him I wouldn’t have come here in the first place if I had any serious worries. It just really bothers me when he reads false things into what I say or misunderstands me, but we worked it out and had a pleasant chat later on.

He was telling me about his strange variety of coworkers. He works with young radicals who aren’t so radical at all compared to the young rads of big cities. There’s a mean-looking chick who’s been in jail lots of times and carries a convicted felon card. For what, though? A souvenir? Of course there are your all-American religious fanatics as well. Lots of stormin’ Mormons here, though they’re tame as hell compared to other groups. They don’t rob our tax dollars, gang-bang it on the streets, and wreak general havoc on people’s day-to-day lives like the freeloaders do.

Oregon water is definitely better than Arizona’s. Both my skin and hair are much softer. That’s reason enough not to return to Arizona!

I let the rat run around at night, but I have to really watch him or else he’ll jump up on Tom’s bed and wake him up, as well as get into shit I don’t want him getting into. He’s gotten to be quite a jumper/climber.

I want to eventually build up a perfume collection. I totally regret giving all those bottles of perfume to Keri at the Crystal Creek apartment complex, but at the time, I thought that that was what was setting off my allergies.

I can’t remember when the last time was that I had to use the snot spray, but I know it’s been months. And soon it’ll be 8 months with no inhaler!

THURSDAY, AUGUST 12, 2004
Another hot day out there, though it shouldn’t get as hot as yesterday. Tom says yesterday was probably to be the hottest day of the year, from what he heard. Another thing that’s different about today is that there are some clouds out there, but not enough to dump rain on us and drop the temperature. That’s supposed to happen tomorrow, though!

Last night’s spectacle in the sky was fabulous! What a show it was to watch the shooting stars. I saw about half a dozen of them. I saw millions of bright stars as well as stars I could barely make out that one could never see in the bright lights of the city.

I’m amazed at how many vehicles travel the highway so late at night. They mostly sound like truckers, though. I can tell they’re big rigs, although there could be cars with quiet engines too. Once inside the house, we probably won’t be able to hear any at all. I’m just glad we’re not at the base of the mountain because then it may be a little louder than I’d like. Up here, though, even the motorcycles are no problem.

What appeared to be a private plane flew over here earlier. Hopefully, they weren’t spies up to no good. I mean, what better way to see who’s around than by flying over the area?

Later…

There is a good God after all. It’s not raining, but it’s clouding up like hell out there. It’s making it a bit more humid, but it’s dropping the temperature! Still, we need a good downpour to cool things off significantly.

I shaved my legs today and tomorrow I’ll shower and wash my hair.

Amazingly, Tom didn’t wake me up for two days in a row, but I heard him leave this morning.

As much as I miss palms and cactuses, this land is way better. I guess the ponderosa pines are the best, though they make a mess with their pinecones.

Yesterday, after a few dry days, I was as thirsty as I was in Arizona. I know water is good for you, but I don’t miss the days of having to drink 10 glasses a day and always having to up and pee. I was easily going through one roll of toilet paper a day!

I’ve been snacking on peanuts in between my two meals and sharing some with the chipmunks. Since it’s been too hot to sit outside and eat with them, I was sitting by the door eating some when I spotted a baby chipmunk begging by the door after it heard the bag rustling and the shells cracking.

I even share my soup with them. Meaty things I like cooked, like clam chowder, but I have this mushroom-stuffed ravioli soup that I like and I eat the ravioli and the mushrooms, then I dump the carrots and juice out for them without ever dirtying up a pot and they love it.

Later…

Again the baby chipmunk came to beg when I went to munch on a few more peanuts. This time it hopped up onto the step, but when I went to open the door to personally hand it to it, it ran off.

It looks like it’s going to peak at 88º, which would’ve been more like 90º had we not had that hour or so of cloudiness.

Saturday we’re going out and I assume we’re going to eat at our usual place. I’d love to be waited on by that smiley waitress just to see how she acts, but I know that’ll never happen. I’ve only seen her there once, so perhaps she was fired as quickly as she was hired.

Since I like to dip my own incense in between orders, but only have two fragrances left, I think I’ll order wholesale next time. Instead of getting $50 of incense, though, I’ll get about $30 in incense and the rest in oils.

What the hell’s taking so long with the damn land deed? See, this is what I mean when I bitch about others always holding us up!

Later…

Jeff did respond after all. He said Bob canned the free shipping on orders exceeding $35, but that they’re adding new inventory to their site, and to check out the events page on the site because Bob’s around the region spreading “good smells.” We checked and found he went to a place called Boardman, Oregon, wherever that is, but there are no upcoming trips to KF from what I can see.

Tom said he saw tracks saying that someone drove by, but I didn’t see anyone. Just that plane that was pretty much directly overhead.

Tom just came to tell me that a couple of kids cruised by on ATVs (I didn’t hear it over the hum of the AC) and I asked if they seemed like they were up to no good. He said no and that they even waved to him. Maybe those were the tracks he saw earlier.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 11, 2004
Yesterday was a carbon copy of the day before at 88º and we’re still a couple of hours from the drop-off point. But this is the last time we’ll ever have to be put out like this and made to live like bums, right? Right???

When I got up I found we were low on water, so I had to go and deal with that and forget about having time to wake up.

Like I said, it’s like something wants to keep us going. There’s always, always so much to do! I can totally see, like it or not, why a kid wasn’t meant to be. Where would we have fit it into our hectic lives? For the most part, it’s like Tom and I have been on this fast-running train since we met, and I’d like to get off it for once and I’m sure he’d like to, too.

Later…

Although higher at 91º, the peak came a half-hour earlier today. I just wish it were Maricopa-windy!

I gave Blondie a pair of old socks last night and he’s curled up asleep on them. He’s so cute. I love this rat dearly. He’s definitely runner-up to Little Buddy!

Later…

For the first time in days, I can see a few thin streaks of clouds. It seems to rain less here than during your average monsoon season in Arizona!

No reply from the incense people. Now that really worries me. That’s okay, though, because if they fuck up this order, I’ll give them a nasty review and move on to someplace else if I have to. They have a survey page and they stress to their customers not to hesitate to express any complaints, so complain I will if they fuck this one up. They’ve been botching every other order so far.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 10, 2004
Just when I was thinking about how his family really doesn’t give a shit about us because they can’t even call or email to see how we’re faring, Tom gets an email from Mary. All she mostly had to say was that they haven’t gotten much rain, though she heard the weather was nice up here. Also, her lilies are blooming like crazy.

This morning was the third time his movements didn’t jar me awake. Guess I was tired.

The bluebells never did come back and even the butterflies seem to be lessening. I do have a new friend, though, and that’s a real squirrel! It’s bigger than the chipmunks with a big bushy tail and adorably cute! Haven’t seen the rat in a while, though.

Tom got the tank from storage today and now Blondie’s in the RV permanently.

I knew the truck would have a problem any minute now. Well, a fuse blew on the headlights, so Tom had to wait for the sun to come up before he could drive down the mountain. He said he saw a dead snake in the road too, but couldn’t tell what kind it was.

My pink twister faded to a lighter shade of pink. It’ll be interesting to see how much it fades and what it looks like when it does.

Later…

He saw something pretty funny at a church the other day. Like most churches that see evil in everything, they particularly see the TV as being evil, so they had a message on their little billboard saying, “Kill your television.” Well, some kids apparently came around and altered the letters to make it say, “Kill yourself.” It was rather funny.

I’m wondering if the incense people no longer do free shipping on retail orders over $35 because there was a $7.35 shipping charge on my order form and I couldn’t find where they used to mention that on their site. I emailed them about it. Hopefully, I’ll have a reply tomorrow.

MONDAY, AUGUST 9, 2004
The T-shirt place, after all this time, called Tom to let him know he could have a job there. He called them back to let them know he found work elsewhere, figuring that if he were nice enough to respond, they may hire him in the future if MCX doesn’t work out.

Meanwhile, it got pretty hot today. I fell asleep at 4 AM and when the heat woke me up I thought it was 1 PM, but it was only 11 AM and already 82º. I was afraid it’d get into the 90s, but fortunately it peaked at 88º. Thanks to his being able to get the generator going once he got home, we were then able to run the AC and drop it 13º in just a couple of hours.

I thought about putting tin foil outside the windows by my bed, but we don’t have any. Instead, I draped a heavy towel over the curtain rod. These old curtains are nearly transparent.

Because it was Arizona-dry, it wasn’t so bad. I went out and poured a couple of gallons of water over my head at one point, though. It was quite refreshing and kept me cool for a while with my wet hair and clothes clinging to me.

When I went out the first time, I discovered Baldilocks dead. Tom and I both noticed that he looked off yesterday. I threw him by the abandoned trailer. He wasn’t a very sociable rat, so I can’t say it breaks my heart to know that he’s gone. He wasn’t mean, but he wasn’t nice. I decided not to get Blondie a new roommate since he can be rather aggressive. I don’t think I’ll get any more rats till we’re in the house.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 8, 2004
Today and yesterday were a bit stressful. No wonder they didn’t have a life a century ago. They were too busy trying to keep the essentials going. Between having to fix things, set up things and unclog the toilet, we’ve been rather busy.

Unfortunately, Tom hasn’t had much luck with the horses, but I ordered my incense! I’ll be getting 24 20-packs and 12 5-packs. Hope they don’t fuck up! I noticed they changed their time frame. It used to say it usually took 5 days to process orders, but now it’s saying 10-14. Is this because they’ve gotten more business or because they’re having trouble getting oils? Either way, I hope to get my order by the 25th.

After thinking about it, there are only 3 other states I wouldn’t mind living in. The rest I don’t care. Those states are California, Hawaii and Florida. Wherever we go next, I just hope it doesn’t happen for at least a decade!

Very surprisingly, I woke up at 125 pounds!

He managed to get the generator to run today after a million tries. Since it could be days before he gets it going again, I vacuumed the RV.

As for the toilet, he had to unclog it by jamming a wire hanger up it. It’s like, thanks, God. This is just the kind of life we need!

The AC works, so that’s good, but without the big generator going it can only run for a few minutes at a time off the inverter. It’s going to be hot all week, once again, so we’re doing what we did before, turning the heat off, opening windows, and letting it get as cold as possible in here by morning so it might not get as hot.

I’m breezing through No Escape. I wish all my books were this easy and fun to write! Well, they’re always fun, they’re just not always this easy.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 7, 2004
As I just told Tom, we’re going to have to compromise with the rats. Instead of throwing them back outside, we’re going to need to put them in the tank to keep their smell confined. In such a confined space as this trailer is, their being in the big open cage really stinks the place up. In fact, I’m going to throw them outside, since they can handle it, till we get the tank. I swear something is determined to badger me with horrid smells till I die!

Meanwhile, the fucking generator is continuing to act up. The new spark plug seemed to help, but now it won’t start. When the evil above went after our shit like always, I was hoping it’d skip the more expensive things, but nope. And as always, we’re stuck being forced to stop and play fix-it between that and the shit tank that got clogged.

We’re going to get a camping heater for the shed if I ever get in the damn thing, and one for the truck. That way, when he breaks down when it’s freezing cold out, he won’t freeze to death when he stops to play fix-it with that.

He said he saw fresh deer tracks in back this morning.

It’s to be hot tomorrow and the next day, so I hope the window AC he got won’t be broken like the printer’s black cartridge and like most of the things we buy.

Today we went to Fred Meyer and got a stove-top popcorn-making kit.

On our way down the mountain, we finally stopped to see the guy who usually has a roadside swap meet set up at the start of the paved roads. For just a couple of bucks, I got a huge box of all kinds of different envelopes. There are several different colors, sizes and designs. Some are holiday decorations. There were a lot of Father’s Day cards, St. Patrick’s cards and a few Halloween and Thanksgiving cards, too. Most of the decorations are flowers. There were tons of St. Patrick’s stickers too, but I have no use for those.

They’ve really come to know us as regulars at the Chinese place. Two of the waitresses and the owner chatted with us today.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 6, 2004
Never does an August 6th go by that I don’t remember the gorgeous and bigoted Rosemarie of the Vista Ventana. She, along with Donna, gave me my first taste of just how prejudiced Arizonans are towards gays. The reason August 6th reminds me of her is that I remember it being said that that was her birthday and we met right around that time. She’s a year older than me. I wonder, at 39 years of age is she still skinny and beautiful? Still hating gays. Still with shit cocks like the fucker she was with? Rick was his name and he’s another one I wish I let have it. Well, I started to a while later after he came to my door telling me he “understood” my fantasy about Rosemarie, and don’t “lurk.” I remember running up to his door and kicking and screaming at it while Dave, the security guard, called the pigs. Only he and his snob of a bitch didn’t have the guts to answer me. They knew by then that I was so fed up and furious with their silly fears and phobias, but it was the “don’t lurk” command that really set me off.

How different the Jodi of today would’ve handled them! Even if that would’ve meant getting my own ass kicked, it would’ve been worth it to stand up for myself, and stand up for myself I will the next time someone thinks they can either order me around or threaten me simply because I’m barely 5’ tall. And no, I won’t care how much of a direct or indirect hold they may have on me! Nor will I care about size, race or gender.

I have $15 now. Because we had to get several non-edible things which tend to be more costly, next week’s grocery run should give me the $25 more I need to make the $40 incense order I want. Then, on the weekend of the 28th - 29th, I’ll take whatever I get on the 20th and 27th to get some perfume at Walmart or Fred Meyer.

The rats have been easier to sleep with than I thought they’d be. This is mostly because it’s easier to go to sleep to noise, rather than to fall asleep and then have it get noisy. I go to sleep when they’re most active, but throughout most of my sleep, they’re asleep, too.

Although I wasn’t kidding when I said I was tired of all the moving and starting over, the idea of going to a Florida retirement community sometime after he retires is appealing to me. I couldn’t blast my music or sing too loud, but by then I’m sure I’ll be sick of the cold and snow as I got sick of Arizona’s dry heat, so why not go to a place that’s warm all year long, unlike in Arizona, and be eligible to go where the freeloaders and kids can’t go? The only negative there would be the humidity and the bugs. To end up living in 5 states would be cool and when I rewrite my autobiography someday, I can have 4 parts – New England, The Desert, The Pacific Northwest, and the Tropics (even though it’s not literally the tropics).

Tom says they may fire a lazy cock he works with and a woman with a big mouth. From what he says, she butts into people’s discussions, complains all the time, and thinks she’s better than everyone.

I’m going to have so much typing to do next time I get on my PC! I not only want to start a letter to Bob, but I also have like 5 journal pages to type, and who knows how many of my story I’ll have? The story Anyone’s Dream, which I renamed No Escape, is going so well. As for Traces of Hope, I may either dump it or put it off for a while. I basically hit writer’s block with that one, so I’ll have to do something crazy and extreme with it to liven things up.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 5, 2004
It’s like September in Massachusetts outside today. Cool and cloudy. Setting the heat at 55º last night instead of 65º was a dumb idea. It was only 69º come 11:30 this morning! I warmed it up to 75º and now it’s 79º. It shouldn’t get any warmer than that.

Later…

What’s going on? Oh, just fighting with the usual breakage curse. The fucking generator that’s only 5 years old is acting up. Who knows if we’ll be forced to shell out $600 of our permit/shed/shower money for a new one that’ll just break before its time like this one? As it is, I have to worry about all our other shit breaking. I worry the heater’s going to break, or the stove, or the computers, etc. It’s been nearly a month now without any major truck trouble, so that ought to be acting up any minute. It just never ends!

Meanwhile, I did get a Bob letter today. Yes, he’d like any stories, journals or jokes. I’m sending my big story. Once he confirms he got it, I’ll send some short stories, pictures and journal excerpts covering the trip.

He said that only his old landlady writes him occasionally and that he hasn’t gotten any visits in 7 years which is kind of sad. After being railroaded myself, I’m more convinced than ever that he was, too. I always said the guy didn’t have it in him to rape a fly, he never tried anything on me, and I think his worst crime was being too nice to say no to the delinquents who wanted his booze.

He says he’s got 3½ years to go, though where he’ll go and what he’ll do for money beats me. I hope he doesn’t get his hopes up about seeing me because the only way that could happen would be if he came here and stood in a motel. We won’t have the room for him, and even if we did, I doubt his presence would make Tom very comfortable no matter how much of a harmless, feeble old soul he may be. I sure as hell couldn’t be the one to go to him since I hate to travel. If it were that easy, then yeah, why not? He gave me rides, chatted with me on the phone, and more or less was like a surrogate father to me.

Tom just came in to say he thinks the problem with the generator is the spark plug which is only $3 and should be replaced every year. This one’s never been replaced, so it’s well overdue.

Instead of using the laptop for music in the shed, I’m going to use my usual music computer for a few reasons. 1. It’s got all my songs on it. 2. Its screen darkens. 3. It’s faster and easier to use.

The only drawback is that it’ll use more juice which will mean I can’t run it as long. It’s a trade-off that’s worthwhile, though. This way he can always have the laptop available for handicapping.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 4, 2004
Tom got me a Lexmark printer yesterday, and of course there had to be something not working right with it, and that was the black ink cartridge. Oh well. At least I got to print in color. I printed Angel Eyes for Bob. If he gets it, I’ll send the short stories he hasn’t read yet.

The Tyler doll is going to be put on hold for two reasons. One is that I can’t find a way to order from the site that has her on sale, and two is because they never responded to my email which makes me think they’re not all that serious about doing business. As it is, I will not buy a mannequin when we get into the house from the Delaware site. I’ve sent a few emails over a space of time and not one was ever responded to.

Later…

Tom said they all got treated to ice cream yesterday at work. Something they did last month, he said, to earn it.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 3, 2004
Tom sent a text message saying he’s picking up a printer today, so I can finally print! I went and got my computer paper out and of course that had to be a 20-minute ordeal. I’m so sick of having to move 20 things just to get to one thing! I totally miss being able to walk up to something and get it, and with more than 2-3 feet of space to do it in. It’s okay, though. I won’t be living like a welfare bum, cramped in this tiny old dump forever. In fact, compensation for our years of struggling has already begun, slowly but surely. Tom won $76 yesterday on a horse bet! And this is from a guy who’s way rusty. We currently have a $56 profit. Back when he was in the Air Force, which provided the same shit fixed income SS & SSI did, he horse-handicapped on the side to survive.

I’m not even going to bother to try to figure out how to set up my voicemail on this phone. See, that’s why I’m not even sure I want to get a dishwasher for the house. Everything’s so complex these days with a million buttons. There’s no such thing anymore as a simple washer with a ‘start’ button and that’s it.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 1, 2004
Today was a fun day, though I got pissed off for a few minutes at one point. We first stopped at the mail place and learned we had a package waiting for us. I’m sure it’s a sample of some kind.

We went to the Chinese place where this waitress I’ve never seen before kept eyeing me with big, bright smiles. At least she was my type – tall with dark hair/eyes, though too thin. Also, I know it’s unfair to judge someone by their occupation, especially since I don’t even have one, but I wouldn’t want to fool around with anyone with such a menial job. In fact, I wouldn’t want to fool around with anyone at all.

We went to Sears for a new hole saw to put up the clothesline because the one he got before broke (figures).

We went to this nicer Laundromat near where he works. Their side-loading washers are way cooler than their top-loaders. They do a better job too, and we’ll probably get one in the house, along with an oven with a flat-top stove. The only thing we won’t be able to have because of the compost system will be a garbage disposal, but that won’t be any big loss. I won’t mind scraping leftovers into the trash and this time around we’re going to have the trash compactor that Steven and his twisted, scamming associates fucked us out of. No one’s going to dictate or control what we get with this house, nor are they going to take it away from us!

We stopped in where I got my wind chimes, and for just $4, I got a purple one with seashells that go nicely next to my pink hearts, and a metallic magenta twister that spins and shines in the sunlight.

What got me pissed was when this stupid cock parked in front of the gate at the storage place. I was just about to ask him to move when he came out and did so, only he didn’t quite back up far enough, the stupid idiot, and there was another car coming from the opposite direction, making it even harder for us to pull out. So I motioned for the dumb shit to back up some more and then Tom got all mad at me, saying I shouldn’t be pissing everybody off by using hand signals and I was like – tough shit! I had every right to be pissed and I felt like he was condemning me for it and more concerned about how I may make others feel than with how I felt, and that really, really bothers me! It bothers the hell out of me when he gets on me for being angry. I mean, if you can’t support the one you love when they get pissed, then why don’t you just say nothing at all, rather than defend or make excuses for whoever or whatever pissed them off. Why can’t he handle it when I get pissed? Do I need to suppress my anger and hope I don’t explode? Maybe turn it inward like I did as a kid? He’s just so damn paranoid about how others may react, I guess, pointing out that it’s a Western thing for people to shoot others, and as I told him, those are extreme cases, you can’t go through life worrying about how others may react, and I shouldn’t have to let people stop me from saying what I have to say or doing what I have to do, within normal reason, just because it may hurt their poor feelings. My feelings are just as important as anyone else’s. There’s a fine line between literally provoking someone and kissing their asses, and I wasn’t doing either. Nothing I did was inappropriate in any way. I have a right to be me as he does himself, and I told him that over and over again, not to expect me to join him in his world of paranoia and expect me to become him, and to just allow me to be angry when I see fit to be. I wasn’t taking it out on him, and if I had been, then I could see him jumping down my throat. Meanwhile, I’m not going to suppress my emotions or chicken out of expressing myself just because there’s a remote possibility someone couldn’t handle it. If they want to shoot me because they’re too weak-minded to handle something I may say, let them, and let them spend the rest of their lives in jail for it because sooner or later I would think that someone’s going to fuck with me that not even God could protect.

We’re cursed all over again with the foul odors. This time, though, it has an obvious source – the shit tank. The only question is, is it really the shit tank, or the place he buried the last tankful that’s stinking? I put chemicals down the toilet, but as I figured would be the case, it still stinks.

Anyway, while we were at the storage place, I got the soft downy blanket that’s not quite made of wool (I don’t know exactly what it is) and am going to use that as a sheet so I don’t have to use the big comforter anymore as a sheet but only as the blanket it was meant to be. This is the blanket I used to wrap my big princess Ciara doll in, but she can just stand in storage without it. It was for the drive up here that it was meant to be used to protect her from any big bumps in the road.

I may get that redheaded Tyler doll before my next incense order because I found a site that’s got her on sale. It’ll depend on how long she’s to be on sale. I emailed and asked, so hopefully they can tell me. If the shit tank keeps stinking like it has, though, I won’t want to wait too much longer on the incense.

Later…

Tom won $15 on online horseracing bets. He was always good at handicapping and says that with a little practice, he should be able to get 3-4 hundred a month, which we can split for fun. Because I didn’t think they’d ever be all that much, I told him to put any eBay profits toward the house. We need to either get a new camera or fix this one first, though.

Tom says the smell’s coming from outside and that the shit tank has always had a leak, so he deluded the smell by dumping old water from the shower tank on it.

What with how cursed we are with leaks and breakage, I’m amazed at how much works in this dump. The heat works, the lighting works, the stove works, the pump works, etc.

I really hope I get a reply to my email saying that Tyler will be on sale all month or longer because I really want to get the incense first. However, with a doll that’s regularly $42 - $59, I don’t really want to pass up a sale of $36. That’s just the base price, though, so who knows about shipping? It’s probably about $8.

Once, when Tom was sitting outside playing games on his phone, a chipmunk walked right between his feet, scaring the shit out of him. He even got a good scare from a bat one time when he was out after dark.

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Last updated July 16, 2024