July 1993 in 1990s

TUESDAY, JULY 20, 1993
I have quite a bit of updating to do, so I’m gonna try to do it as quickly as I can cuz I have some letters to copy in.

I had a nice talk with Lisa yesterday as well as with Tammy. Tom was here when I called her and I said, “Guess what I did to Tom?”

Tammy goes, “Well, you didn’t have sex with him.”

No, but I rubbed a cotton ball all over the stubble on his face!

Tammy got the package but said 90% of the stuff no one could use.

Speaking of K.D. Lang, the other day at the pool she was amazingly calm.

Andy’s had some chats with Ellie, but I must remain quiet when on the 3-way otherwise she’ll hang up.

Dad was bitching at me over a call he got from a collection agency. I’d hung up on him for going off on me for various stupid reasons. Our credit is fucked up now for 7-10 years. For me, it doesn’t matter as I couldn’t afford a house anyway. Not with the business I’m in being so unpredictable. Plus, there are more bills and responsibilities.

Later…

I’m gonna call Andy back in 5 minutes. We called Andrea at work and next, he’s gonna call Stacey. He’ll thank her for giving him good references and I’ll edit what I can from that as well as put the other stuff on the machine there. Yesterday I recorded Tom saying the word “nothing.” I let her say, “Our goal is to provide you with,” then Tom filled it in with “nothing.”

Later…

Andy’s on the phone now talking to Ellie.

Andy briefly spoke to Stacey. It was pretty funny. At the end, Stacey said she was tied up. Andy asked if Judy untied her.

Andy’s been harassing Crystal a lot, so it turns out. I didn’t even know this. That’s Scott’s girlfriend and of course, it’ll piss him off.

Shortly after 9:00, I got a message from a detective asking me to call him but I doubt it was really a detective and I’m not calling anyone I don’t know.

Later…

In between phone calls, I’m going to write.

Keri has a copy of me in The Beat. She really liked it and she asked me for a copy. Andy said he thought about that and wondered why I don’t do anything. Well, I’m attracted to Keri and I’m pretty sure she’s attracted to me, but what can I do? People who work here aren’t allowed to mingle with tenants as far as I know. If I knew she was leaving I may speak up, but there’s nothing else I can do. Maybe if she did not work here and was single something would happen, but this is how it always is. This is why one of the reasons why more and more I realize I’m not a woman’s woman. Yes, I’m gay. That’ll never change, but I think whoever’s up there wants me with men. There’s a reason why they’re all I can get (other than butches). I was always taught that when you can’t get what you really want you should try for the next best thing.

With each day that goes by, I’m more and more comfortable and impressed with Tom. So far, the inside of him I like 100%. He’s a great person. Totally unlike your average person, let alone the average male. No lust whatsoever on the outside, but he has beautiful eyes. I won’t make any decisions overnight and he’s not pushing me in any direction either. He respects the fact that I’m not sure yet whether or not to settle. I may give it a little more time to continue seeing that I’ll never have lust, but every 1-2 years. Then, in time, perhaps he won’t be such a major settlement. He’s no Ron or even a Brenda. I feel so relaxed with him. I can totally be myself. He’s so calm and never tries to change me. He understands my fears and doubts, though, and knows I don’t want to get trapped in anything which may be hard to get out of. He knows I also believe that sex can kill a friendship. He agrees that’s true for most people, but I don’t think he believes that for us. He’s one of the very few guys I believe would never cheat on a woman, but he doesn’t want an open relationship.

I explained the DES to him and said I was too small for penetration. I asked if he could live without that. He said absolutely yes if he loved the woman, and there’s way more to sex than that.

Well, right now I don’t know what to do, but while I’m still young, I don’t want to waste my time waiting for lust to come around once a year or so. It may be time to settle, but I’ll never live with anyone, get married, or have kids.

I feel like I’ve known Tom forever, but a reality check says I’ve known him only two months. Maybe within a year, or by the end of ’93, I’ll settle. It will take time and guts. I’m not brave enough or ready yet, but I am determined to learn to settle (within reason). Never could I settle with just anyone.

Yesterday Tom and I went to the Excalibur. He waited outside. Not that he couldn’t handle me in only a G-string, cuz he’s seen me that way before, but he’s just not a bar person. He has some coworkers who go in there and his friend Wendy used to work there.

I’m gonna work Wed-Sat from 7 PM – 1 AM. I was gonna be Brandy, but someone has that name, so I’m back to Mystery.

Later…

Boy, this day’s getting better and better by the minute.

Well, true to my feelings, that guy was no detective. He left two dirty messages for Andy. They were funny, though. Before he called Andy, I sure got freaked out when there was a knock at my door. I didn’t move till I heard my door open, then, “Maintenance!” Bill changed my AC filter.

The guy that called Andy and I was associated with Crystal.

And now here’s more Keri news. I called to tell her I had several bottles of perfume to get rid of due to my allergies. I didn’t want to toss them out and she was the only one I could think of who may want them. I brought them to the office and she said, “Perfect timing.” She was very pleased and we chatted for nearly 10 minutes. She’s now promoted to manager. I said that she’d be a great friend if one of us left here. She wholeheartedly agreed. I also think she may be pregnant again, too.

She asked about work and stuff in general. She said, “Well, hopefully someone will see you in The Beat and say, we want her!”

Speaking of wild fantasies, it’d sure be nice if she called to say, “Now that I’m manager, your rent’s only $400.”

Even if we could be friends, who knows if we’d end up in bed?

Last week I spoke to Frances (Alyssa). She was bitching out her sister, but we did have a cool talk for over an hour. She did say she was bi as I figured.

Yesterday, Tom and I also went to a restaurant, got that blood work done, got my Theodur refill and got some groceries. I ran out of the Azmacort inhaler and am trying to do without it. So far, so good.

I’m making Tom a bracelet out of that flossy-like yarn as well as more edits and a few Bonnie Raitt songs he likes.

Kim left a message the other day and played me Bob’s message. He got his letter from Nick and was crying and bitching about it. Kim says maybe I can edit him, but it’s so muffled. I got a letter from him about it and I’ll mail it to Kim. Kim says she mailed me a letter, as well as one she got from Bob. I got two yesterday from Bob and guess who also wrote me? Fran! Can you believe it? Finally! He actually writes better than I thought, but he did have a few funny mistakes. I’ll soon copy it in as he wrote it.

I called Fran last night, then he called Nervo. He was in his mood and after cussing at he hung on silently for a while. Long enough to hear Tom whom I called. Tom finally got to talk to Fran. Fran also called his local crisis center where I complained about seeing cactuses and palm trees.

Later…

Shortly after I last wrote I got a call from my doctor’s office. My white blood cell count’s too high. Probably a urinary infection and my stomach’s been killing me and I’m very bloated. Tom came over, I played him the convos of Andrea and Stacey, went there, took a leak and came back. I must return to the vampire next week to see if there’s any change in my white blood cell count.

On my way up here, I met the couple who moved in next door. They said they moved in today, but I didn’t hear a thing. They’re a young couple, both good-looking, named Brian and Amanda. Amanda’s pretty good-looking. They sort of look like partiers, but I hope not. They look like the type to have lots of loud company and fights but I’ll try not to judge till I see.

THURSDAY, JULY 15, 1993
Well, today’s Linda’s birthday. I forget exactly how old she is.

Been through a lot of shit lately, and since I can’t sleep, I figured it’d be a good time to write.

Favors let me go last week, so I’m back in the same old shit again. Lea let me go saying business is slow. That’s true, but why the fuck did she hire me if she knew this? She said she was letting others go too, but I don’t know who.

So anyway, I still got my picture in The Beat and it was okay. I’ve sent copies to my parents, Tammy, Nervous, and Keri wanted a copy.

Backing up in order of events, well, I got that package of pictures. Tammy said she got one, too. Great. I wonder just how many other old and very ugly embarrassing pictures of me Ma has. They were mostly of my nieces. Some were of Mom and Dad and some old pitiful ones of me. I threw them in an NPN envelope. There were some various nature scenes and an old one at the beach. Dad was sitting at the beach all wet and sandy. Behind him, all holding pails, was me (at age 5), Andy, and what I think are my first cousins Lori and Lisa who are sisters. I also noticed this picture was torn in half. Must’ve been Andy’s parents, Larry or one of the many people they fought with.

She sent back my apartment pictures of 2001, but none with me. I’m gonna send them to Nervo.

Tomorrow night Andy’s taking me to audition at the Excalibur, and win or lose, I’m gonna see his place.

FRIDAY, JULY 9, 1993
Well, I ended up looking through my journals, rather than editing. I left messages on Andy’s and Tom’s machines. I’m so fucking bored! I just don’t feel like editing right now. I feel like doing stuff on the computer and I wish Tom didn’t have such long hours and I wished Andy worked nights.

I hope I make good money over the next 4 nights at work. I must remember to bring Alyssa the skirt she says she’ll fix.

I never got a call back from Heather about trimming my hair. I’ll try again some other time. I know she just had a baby, so maybe she’s busy.

Guess I’ll go listen to music now, even though I’m in the mood to write. Days will go by when tons of shit happens, but I’m not in the mood to write. I’m in the mood now, but I’m all caught up and there’s nothing to write.

Today, since my stamps didn’t come, I only mailed the NPN envelopes. I mailed two plates in the name of “Rachel D” to Tom’s but of course, they’re for me.

Gloria’s Greatest Hits, along with her new all-Spanish album, Mi Tierra, wasn’t in the record club applications in the TV guide. Tammy asked me to send her some, so I used the name Kelly something and sent her some. Then there were 3 out of 4 NPN envelopes Andy gave me. One had part of that chain letter. One had an old, ugly picture and drawing. The other had phone numbers and addresses I copied into my phonebook. Here, I have about 6 envelopes to mail to Nervous. One has the tape of Andy and Laurie H. Also, there are letters to Fran, Mom and Dad, Scott and other stuff I can’t think of now. I sure hope my stamps come tomorrow and I still have to call the goddamn bank.

I’ll be at Tom’s for most of the next 4 days and I won’t be taking this journal. I’ll update it on the computer, copy it in and send it off to Fran, Nervous, or whoever the hell I want.

Later…

I am still wide awake and thinking of my pictures. God, do I miss them! I wish she really did keep them (of course out of spite) but she planned to send them within a year. I’m sure she really threw them out, though. I’ll never forgive her for that, let alone ever be able to forget. But, how great it’d be if I got a package that was large enough to hold them all, opened it up and there they were! Yeah, right. Dream on. First she said it was an envelope, then a package. Well, if I open my mailbox to see a regular envelope, I’ll know they’re not there. They’d be too big.

Many many years ago when I was into Charlie’s Angels, I supposedly got in big trouble. She said she ditched all my scrapbooks of them, but it turned out that she kept them. She only said that out of spite and to scare me and depress me.

THURSDAY, JULY 8, 1993
Yesterday morning I didn’t fall asleep till 10:30! I set my alarm for 4:30, but kept hitting the snooze till 7:30.

Andy didn’t get here till 10:30. He did not want me to see his place cuz he says it’s trashed. His brother sent his stereo so he’s got boxes all over. He loves his new place but says all the people who work there are incredibly rude. There’s a guy above him too, who has two little kids running around like crazy here and there. Especially on weekends. The office said they’d do whatever they could, even evict him if the problem continued. Then, a day later he said they said, “Well, we know him. He’s a good friend of ours.”

As if to say - fuck you. So he’s gonna have me call there and say I used to live there and I want their main office address to write in great things. Then, he’ll write in how he feels and sign it.

I’ve been having unfortunate vibes about him being unhappy there, despite how much he loves his apartment He says there are car alarms always going off, people always park in fire and handicapped lanes and blast their music.

He brought us stuff from McDonald’s as well as $70. He also gave me a gorgeous shirt. It’s of rayon-type material with bright neon colors streaking through a black background. He gave me 4 no-postage needed envelopes, a funny tax form thing, Andrea’s tax bill for $174, Stevie’s address and an address and phone number for two different things.

The same agency (Carefree Records) is looking for female models for CD covers, videos and whatever else. Also, a wealthy investor is looking for talent, (I guess that means singers).

I’m on call tomorrow, then I work the next 4 nights.

At 7:30 yesterday morning I left Stacey’s edits on the VV machine. At 9:00 Andy, Sarah and I were on the phone. Andy decided to call her and thank her for being a credit reference when he rented the CD player. Also, to see if she’d say anything.

Paula quit, but as Katrina (Paula’s replacement) answered, we could hear her and Judy saying, “That’s weird!”

It’s just our luck that Stacey’s on vacation this week. I’ll do it again next week and I’ll make it even better. The part where she says, “It’s our goal to provide you with the best service,” will be replaced with, “It’s our goal to provide you with nothing.” I know I have Nervous saying the word “nothing” around here somewhere. I’ll use him for that word.

Speaking of Nervo, I spoke to him last evening. He really does believe those nude computer prints are of me. I told him to expect The Beat, the tape, and letters, and I updated him on my life.

I laughed when he said he’d never waste his money on a computer, cuz all it is is a glorified typewriter.

Yeah, sure.

He said Linda moved to Kentucky and now he’s dating Crystal. From her telling me they’re just friends, and by the sound of her voice, I doubt they’re dating.

Andy agreed that my tan looks natural, but my feet are too white and the palms of my hands are too dark.

I gave him about 20 bars of soap, cuz I like gel soap better.

Later…

After I spoke to Nervous, I called Kim. She’s still having Bob problems. She was over at his place recently and he asked her if she’d make love to him. She told him she didn’t know whether to laugh or to kill him. She’s expecting a please-forgive-me letter any moment.

Why does she go see him? I know she only does once in a great while, but if she’s so fed up with him, why does she bother?

She and Alex aren’t always getting along. She says he’s quite emotional. She still hopes to get out here by the fall, but I’ll still have to see it to believe it.

Bob will never move out here. He’s the type to consider things out loud but never does them. I’ll tell him this in my next letter, cuz come on. Does he think I’m stupid? Shockingly, I’ve received no letters from him lately. Probably too depressed. Kim hasn’t sent the letter I wrote to him from “Nick.” She says she will this week from Vermont.

I still have to call the bank and get my picture taken one of these days.

I’m gonna get my period any minute. I’m sooooo bloated. My tits are killing me and I have slight cramps that tell me it’s on its way. I’ll have to cut the tampon cord at work. Fun, huh?

Later…

I just made popcorn and listened to music. I even sang a little. Soon I must take my meds.

I called Heather, who trimmed my bangs when I first got here. Her husband answered and I left my number. I need 2” trimmed. It hasn’t been trimmed in 9 months and the ends are very split. It’s getting a bit scraggly looking.

Tom gets in at 8:00 and I told him to call. Whether or not I’ll be up, who knows?

I realized something if I ever get a binding system. That is that there’s plenty of room on the sides of the paper after you print whatever on it to punch holes in, then put it in a 3-ring notebook. There’s a 2” margin on both sides, but you can adjust that too, however you want it.

God! I want a computer and a printer badly! Will I have my very own within a year? I sure hope so, but I don’t ever count on anything till it’s been done.

I owe only $55 this week in fees, but I sure hope I make great money Friday - Monday. I want to get the $100 paid to the office, the $89 to APS and $50 to Tom. I need groceries, too. I have to ask my dad about taxes. Lea tells the tax guy how much each girl made quarterly. I guess I must file at the end of the year. Does this mean I’ll owe money? Especially since all my money’s made in cash? If I end up owing, will it be a ton of money?

I’ve done 17 journals since I got here, but of course, it’s more like 13 or 14 cuz of large print, drawings and other odds and ends.

Andy also brought me 25 pages or so from a 100-page chain letter his friend Donna got. I sent 5 pages in a no-postage-necessary envelope and 20 to Nervo.

Boy, do I look really tan! Wish I got this stuff a long time ago. Well, I’ll never be white again, but I must get plastic gloves. I look as if I have a black person’s hands. Wouldn’t it just be wonderful, though, if this stuff was permanent and never faded? I’m even surprised the stuff’s stayed on this long.

I must go get my meds and make myself coffee which I haven’t had all day.

I’ll finish this journal in a little while, then begin with 41, the one with ballet slippers.

Later…

I just took my meds and had coffee. Just tried to call Tammy, too. It rang and rang and rang. Not even their machine came on. Where the hell are they? I wish they were on their way to see me. When in the hell will my family ever get out to see me? Will it be years? I hope not.

Later…

I am now listening to a tape of Nervous, Fran, and Andy and I’m putting it on Tom’s machine. Later I may do some editing. I’ve got tons of stuff to edit.

I set the alarm for 4:30, but I hit the snooze till 5:30, then I called into work. Everyone was there.

I spoke to Tom briefly at 6:00. He’s picking me up from work tomorrow. Then, we may come back here so I can get shit I don’t want to lug into work with me. I may stay over at his house Friday - Sunday night.

I briefly spoke to Andy and I watched TV.

For 3 days now I’ve been trying to reach Tammy, but there’s no answer. I called Mom (Dad was out playing cards). I said how much I miss everyone and she said that maybe she and Dad could come see me next spring or summer. Who knows when Tammy and the girls will ever get here?

Mom gave me the same story I get from her every year. She’s sending me old pictures. Yeah, right. Then, she said she was keeping pictures of me. She said something about sending me pictures of my apartment. Which apartment? I’ve only had 9. Then she said she was sending an envelope, then changed it to a package. I wish she’d send my Gloria pictures.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 7, 1993
I rearranged my photo albums earlier. I sent my parents a postcard from a family we met while I was having ear surgery in 1978 in Boston. They were from Caracas, Venezuela. They spoke no English and back then and I spoke no Spanish. I could never translate what they wrote on the back of the picture till I learned Spanish. It’s not much, but they said: Recuerdos de Boston, Noris familia - junio 1978 - Caracas, Venezuela.

Translation: Memories of Boston, Noris family - June, 1978 - Caracas, Venezuela.

Later…

I can’t sleep yet, so I’ll write a bit, then listen to music.

I finished edit tape #2 for Tom who’s now sick with the stomach flu.

A few days ago (I don’t remember how the subject came up), I was mentioning how to call information state by state. You use whatever the area code is where you’re calling, then dial 555-1212. He began to laugh his ass off saying 555 is in the movies. Of course, I went to his phone and proved him wrong.

I left a message about who I’m sending copies of my picture in the “Beat Off.”

I also read him part of “Saundra’s” story that I wrote.

Tom used to work at the post office and he goes there all the time, so he’s gonna bring in the huge mailbag I’m sending Tammy and the girls. I would never even try to guess how many stamps to put on, so it’ll be better this way. I sent old shirts, skirts, bathing suits, a necklace and those 5 posters I colored with markers on the black velvet background. I’ll have to refill the space on the master bedroom wall where they were.

I’m gonna call the bank tomorrow and also see if Montgomery/Ward will shoot a picture tomorrow night. If they can’t get me in so soon, I’m seeing Andy’s new place either way. It’d be better for Tom to take me there, plus they could meet, but our schedules clash. Tom has a set night schedule, Andy has a set day schedule, and my night schedule’s always different.

Andy’s gonna give me $70, plus a nice shirt and Andi’s (Andrea’s) tax thing that says she owes the IRS a little over $100.

I almost cried earlier, cuz I miss Gloria’s pictures that my mom just had to up and ditch. I think there’ll always be a bit of bitterness in me cuz of it. I don’t think I can ever fully forgive her for a stunt like that.

I have a few old and ugly pictures of me I no longer want. Also, some shitty drawings from when I first began. They’re ready for the next NPN envelope available.

I went back as far as journal 36 and counted all the taped-in pages of Bob’s envelopes or stuff I typed. There are 66, but there could be a few more in the earlier ones. Sure wish I could have Journal 1 to the current one all in different styles of print from the computer. Maybe someday.

MONDAY, JULY 5, 1993
I’m at work right now. Only Sarah and I are working tonight. She got a show, but I’ve got nothing so far. Jay, the security guard’s taking me home, which is great, especially if I don’t make anything tonight due to the holiday. There are always holidays.

I’m watching a movie now and soon I’m gonna have a cigarette. Maybe some coffee, too.

I have the next 3 days off, but I’m on call Tuesday and Thursday.

I spoke to Andy a little while ago. He was reading part of a 9-page letter he wrote his mother. He only got to page 3 when the doorbell rang, but I said I’d call him when I got home. If he’s asleep I’ll hear the rest of the letter tomorrow. He’s gonna be seeing someone about a job impersonating Stevie Nicks.

This Thursday when The Beat comes out, Tom’s gonna get 8 copies. For Bob, Kim, Nervous, Fran, Andy, Tammy, my parents and myself. I’m gonna be topless in this shot, so the one going to my parents will have my tits covered in black marker.

I slept until 8 PM on Sunday, but believe it or not, I fell asleep at 7:30 at Tom’s. He forgot to turn off the ringer and the volume on his machine so I woke up twice. At 8:30 Andy called. At 9:30 his co-worker Wendy called. Luckily I fell back asleep after that till 3:30.

Thank God I got this job when I did, cuz they only like to have 8 girls. Everyone’s new except Sarah and Kayla. Then, there are Alyssa, Monique, Amber, Gabrielle and me. Lea also dances at times.

Later…

It’s 10:30 now and still no more shows. So we ordered food and now I’m watching TV.

Last night I typed a letter to Scott. I have a few more folks to send letters to.

Later…

I am staying up till 8:00 to call the office when it opens. I can’t fucking believe these people! I’m so sick of dealing with apartment management. Why do they keep going back on their word? First, they promised no blowers early in the morning and that’s hit or miss. Now I got a letter from Dan. They promised me up front I could pay $300 on the 3rd, then take the remainder of the month to pay the remaining $200. I explained up front about SS and SSI and the fact that I get paid in chunks here and there. Keri told me that if over half the rent’s paid, there are no late fee charges. Now this letter says I must pay in full and I must add on $4 a day after the 4th of late fees. Those fucking assholes. I should’ve had them put this oral agreement into writing.

I finally found a way to get a natural-looking tan without dying in the sun, getting sun poisoning, or going to tanning salons, which is just as dangerous. I bought a sunless tanning lotion for $3 and it works great. I’ll never be white again.

I hope to talk to Tom when he gets in and after he hears my many messages.

I tried calling Tammy twice, but she finally got an answering machine. Her outgoing message is so long and she sounds sooo serious.

When Tom and I stopped in Smith’s grocery store I bought a journal with ballet slippers. It’s so cute, but I don’t know if I’ll like it. It’s so small compared to my others.

Jay and I had an interesting talk at work about the music business. He once lived in L.A. and did security for celebs till he moved here. He mentioned stuff I already know, as well as other stuff I never thought of that makes perfect sense. I’ll get into it later, but he told me a sure way to never again be conned by another Scott M.

Later…

I have had a very enjoyable day off. As soon as I awoke I called Keri who said don’t worry about the nasty-o-gram. They have it noted on the computer as far as my arrangement. The computer also routinely does these letters and they must give them to me. She said I’ve been very good about getting the rent paid, so don’t worry unless they call me. Thank God this is taken care of. This is the last thing I need to deal with.

She also asked how my new job was which was at the Candy Store, but I told her how they dicked me over and I got hired at Favors. I also told her about The Beat and she said to bring in copies. I told her they were topless, so she could either get a copy of her own or I’ll show her one of mine.

I also could swear I heard keys jingling outside my door earlier while I was watching Poltergeist. Maybe it was next door, cuz Scott’s had plenty of time and he’d never enter with me in here. I never heard the key go into the door either.

Nervous is supposedly broken up with Linda and is now either friends with or dating a girl named Crystal. Two different nights she answered his phone. Nervo was shocked to hear Laurie H is gay, cuz he, as well as others, say she’s married and pregnant. She’s a closet butch and I told him earlier I’d send the tape of her and Andy along with her so-called confession about a girl named Donna.

The ballet journal came with 2 little heart-shaped keys. One will go to Fran and the other will go to Nervo. I don’t need them. They’re also getting my journal stuff I did up on the computer. Any stuff I don’t want them to read goes in no-postage-necessary envelopes.

Tomorrow I hope to get the 50 love stamps I ordered.

I must call the bank for a photocopy of the check I sent for address labels. I never got them, but that’s ok, cuz now I need new ones anyway with this apartment number.

I got a $19 killer outfit from the same girl who goes to the Mile High to sell stuff. She says it’s still dead and it always will be till they fold under. It’s a deep royal blue 1-piece. The top’s like a tank top, connected to what looks exactly like a short wide skirt which is really shorts.

Back in 1989, my dad got me a gorgeous floral skirt at Steiger’s in Longmeadow, but it’s ripped. Alyssa at work is a seamstress and she says she’ll fix it for $5. Cool.

I ordered a meatball grinder and a big chef salad. Boy, I needed that.

I spoke to Dad earlier and updated him on my life.

SUNDAY, JULY 4, 1993
I am at Tom’s house right now and I’m finally going to update all that’s been going on.

My typewriter’s dead, so I’m doing it this way. His computer is awesome and it has several styles of really neat printing. I’d give anything to be able to print into my journals this way. Tom says you can if you buy a binding system. This way you just buy the covers and paper, type onto the paper, then bind the thing together into a book. I’d also just die to have a computer and a printing machine of my own cuz it sure makes things a lot easier. I’ve got to save up hundreds of dollars though. Or maybe $200 to get the parts to build a computer with Tom who already has certain parts. He already has a printer he does not use and he’s gonna check into prices as far as the binding thing goes.

So far I’ve already typed up letters to my parents, Tammy, and the girls, Fran, Nervous, Bob, Kim and Rosemarie. Soon, I’ll do letters to Scott, Stacey, Barbara, Ellie, Andi and whoever else comes to mind along the way. For now, I’ll copy into my journals whatever I type up, then send off the printed sheet to various people.

Work at Favors is going really well. I usually only work with Alyssa or Monique and they’re really cool. I’ve only worked 4 nights so far and I got $70 for my second and third nights. Last night I didn’t make anything. There was only one show and Alyssa got it. It’s a good thing Monique called out of work. The money’s still much better than the bars. You make much more for much less work. If you have only one one-hour show for the whole night, you’ve made $80. You’ll never always get that in the bars, whether you bust your ass trying to or not.

I saw the pictures that Ron took. All 27 of them were on a contact sheet. I saw the one that’s going into The Beat magazine that goes throughout Phoenix. There’s another one that’ll go on a shelf along with other dancers’ pictures at the front entrance of the place.

The last time I wrote I left off with what Tom and I did for Nervous, Fran, Bob, Kim and Tammy. Tom has dirty pictures that we printed out onto their letters. For Fran and Nervous we found dirty pictures with bodies close enough to mine and we cut the faces off them. We told them that Tom took nude Polaroids of me, then we ran them into the computer which printed them out onto their letters. These suckers will surely fall for it. I did the same thing for Bob and Kim, but in Kim’s letter, I explained the truth along with what I told Fran, Nervous and Bob. I put a nude picture in my sister’s letter along with flowers, birds, butterflies and pigs. My parents and the girls got flowers and stuff like that.

Last night was sure funny at work. Andy envies me cuz he has to slave his ass off all day. We watched a movie, danced to the boombox which was cranked to the max, ate like pigs and even pulled pranks on each other. At one point I crashed on the couch for about an hour cuz I didn’t sleep too well here the last night when I slept here. Then Alyssa woke me up saying the doorbell rang. I knew I didn’t hear it and she opened the door and no one was there. Later, Mike, the security guard, rang the doorbell and I pulled the same joke on Alyssa.

Toward the end of the night, we played a great joke on Mike. We called the telemarketing line and I used my girlie voice asking if there were any girls who’d lick my pussy. It was quite hilarious.

I have to work tomorrow, then I have the next 3 days off. There are only two things that suck, though. One is that my schedule’s never the same, but it will be 4 nights a week. The other thing is that I must call in at 5:30 even when I’m off to see if I’m needed to come in. If I don’t I get fined $25. So when I’m off, I’m still on call.

Whenever I’m to work on a Monday, I stay at Tom’s cuz of the landscapers. Tom really helped me get started with this job, but I owe him $50. I should have no problem paying him back before the month is out. Andy owes me money too, but I told him to only pay me back some of the $135 till he knows the outcome of his case with Scott. We also want to rent a camcorder, so I may have him use some of the money towards that.

I’ve paid $400 of my rent and all of the $108 owed to US West and all of the $58 owed to Sprint. All I owe is $89 to APS and $100 in rent. Pretty good, huh? And it’s only the 4th.

Andy left a message saying that he spoke to a guy who lives next to Stevie Nicks and that she did get Shadow and his box. Andy says he has her address and I told him to leave it on my machine. I’ll write to her and explain why I had to give him up at the time and see if she has him or if she gave him away. I don’t think it’ll do me any good, but it’s worth a shot.

I think I have everything updated for now that’s important, except for Ellie. Well, Andy finally got over there and was able to call my place. Sure enough, her number came up. I’m really shocked that such a paranoid loon like her wouldn’t have gotten her line blocked from caller ID. Her name’s Eloisa F.

FRIDAY, JULY 2, 1993
So last Sunday Tom and I swam in his pool, talked and had a field day with his computers. He’s very lucky cuz he’s got 8 computers and I have a busted typewriter.

So far Tom’s been a perfect gentleman who insists I never need to worry about him trying to move in on me or change me, as much as he really likes me and is attracted to me.

The following day he turned 36 (although I tease him and say 41).

I slept on his couch and on Monday he took me to Favors. It sure is a piece of cake. No hustling, no loud smoky bars and no latex. Most of the time you sit on your ass. Every week we pay $30 in security fees. If you cut $300 or more a week - and you will - you pay $50 for advertising fees. Tuesday night I cut $245! I only took home $175 of it cuz of fees and cab fare. Steve and his day driver, Bob, have cut my fare from $15 to $10. This place is a half-hour away, but right near Tom.

I’ll stay at Tom’s some days that I work. Especially on Mondays cuz that’s when the landscapers come. They are here earlier now due to the heat. I still hear the blowers daily, but not right by my window, and I sleep with the radio on. I knew they’d keep going back on their word at the office, even though it’s still much better and quieter than the other apartment.

Wednesday night I had only one show, but I made $70. I’d never make as much in bars. I work 4 days a week from 5:30-1:00. Wednesday I worked 40 minutes of my 7½ hours for $70. Tuesday I worked only 2½ for $245. I’ll never have a set schedule, though. The days will vary. When no one’s doing a show, or you’re not, we eat, watch videos, or whatever we want. There’s a kitchen and we can order food too.

Later I’ll write about my projects on Tom’s computer as well as other stuff.

Later…

I am going to bed real soon and I hope to hell no blowers wake me up. Why do they need to do this every day?

The guy downstairs has a weird habit. He sleeps with his bedroom window open, yet has his AC on too. What a waste.

I slept on the couch at Tom’s place which was very comfortable compared to mine. I may take his bed tomorrow as he said it’d be no problem for him to sleep on the couch.

I’m too tired to write about what I did with the computer.

THURSDAY, JULY 1, 1993
Now that I have a night off, I can finally catch up in here with all that’s been going on. Since the Candy Store and the Mile High screwed me over, I knew I had to go a distance. Favors is a half-hour away. The money’s so much better, though, that I’m glad I got screwed over. If I’d known about private room dancing, I’d never have bothered with bars.

So anyway, let me back up to June 27th. Late afternoon I went to Tom’s house for the first time. His house is old for AZ. It’s a corner house that was built in 1950. All of them are right around there in that subdivision. They’re tract houses. A little too small and definitely too close to the neighbor. Their driveway is just a few away. His house is about 1400 square feet, and to be honest, it’s pretty ugly. Especially the bathroom and kitchen.

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Last updated June 08, 2024