March 1993 in 1990s

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 31, 1993
I just had an awesome idea and believe me, I’ll be one pissed puppy if it doesn’t work. Well, I’ve been wanting very much to type in my journals here and there. Of course, I cannot fit the book into the roller, so I thought maybe I’d cut some pages out, then staple them, then glue or tape them back in, but that may be hard to do. Maybe what I could do instead, is type on other paper, cut to the size of the pages in here, then glue those in. Why not? It’d be something different for a change and that can’t hurt. I’ve highlighted the entry dates of the first 20 journals. I also have a lot to tell, so I’ll go cut paper and begin typing some stuff.

Later…

I’m not gonna type too much after all cuz I’m getting very tired. Will I sleep? I don’t know, but today I sure didn’t sleep much. Those fucking lawnmowers! How nice it is to know that that’s my last morning having to listen to that shit.

To pick up in order from where I left off, well, I was sure to knock on the door a few times here and there for the bitch next door. This is last night.

When I got up yesterday I called food stamps and told them of my new address. They’re gonna send some stuff in the mail. I still need to call SS and some of my friends to let them have my new phone number. The 863 prefix is the same one Bob had in Turners Falls. I tried to get the last 4 digits to be 1994, but I was told that if she had it, it’d be considered a custom number and that there’d be a charge for it, so I forgot about it. I know good things are going to happen in ’94.

I called to let Tammy know my new address and number and Bill answered. He was all giggly and happy about who knows what, then he jokingly calls out, “Hey Tammy, the stripper’s on!”

I got this kit in the mail under a phony name. It’s got lots of colored photos and all kinds of animals and stories about them. I also got a Passover card in the mail from Mom and Dad.

I went over at one point to pick up Andy’s laundry and he was on the phone long distance. I was a bit annoyed cuz he said he had it ready, so I slammed my way out of his place and back into mine. Next door oughta have loved that as I knew she was in bed and her lights were off and her truck was outside.

The next minute my phone rang and I expected it to be Andy. I said, “What! I thought you were gonna stick it in the door and I’d just quickly come in and grab it and then you could go back to your phone call.”

It was Dad saying something about sticking something somewhere. I was cracking up cuz I wasn’t expecting a call from him. I did leave them a message, but they’re not usually up at 12:30 (their time). I talked to both of them, and yes, Ma acted like the fight we had over the phone never happened. I gave them the number and address.

After that, I went over to get his laundry and I made really sure to slam my way in and out of here.

Andy was up later than he thought he’d be and he called me with a great idea. An apartment complex has a maintenance number to call where you punch in your number, so I punched in Andi’s. I also knocked really loud and clear at 1:30. Even Andy could hear that real well. He could hear it through the walls as well as through the phone.

Scott stopped up earlier but only for a second. He was in the truck that’s gonna move me which is a huge pickup. One of his employees was driving and he’ll be helping with the move. I’ll probably be moving this weekend.

I had a nice, yet strange conversation with Keri today at Crystal Creek, but I’ll write about it another time.

My folks didn’t have too many questions about the new apartment, as happy as I know they are for me. It sounds like Tammy told them about it. I left a message saying it was a 900-square-foot, 2-bedroom/1-bath but they never asked me how much the rent was.

I’m gonna listen to music now and try my damnedest to fall asleep. I’ll expand on other little things some other time.

TUESDAY, MARCH 30, 1993
The lawnmowers never came today, but sure enough, it was made up for. At 11:30, I was woken up (I went to bed at 5:30) by banging below me. I was thinking Stacey or someone else with her went into Dave’s place knowing he wasn’t home to bang his bedroom ceiling under my bed. I’m not sure if this was the case, but like they have one problem after another, a main pipe broke today. We had no water for about 10 hours. Tomorrow will be the lawnmowers and if the next day isn’t the parking lot sweepers, it’ll be something else.

I have great news about the apartment, but I’ll write about it later.

Later…

God, I wish this cold would quit and give it up!

Right after I was kindly woken up, I paged Scott who called right back. He told me he found out I owed money on a $66 electric bill in MA. I never knew I had an outstanding bill with the electric company in MA, so obviously it was a fuck-up, thanks to fuel assistance.

I spoke with a really nice girl named Keri at the office who so kindly broke the rules to give me the information I needed. She said don’t tell anyone cuz her manager would be upset. I’m going to write a check to the electric company and give it to Keri who’s gonna mail it off for me. She’ll photocopy the check for proof that I’ve cleared it up. I get a feeling that the girls in this office will all be as nice as Paula and Judy. I hope so.

I will be moving Thursday, Friday or Saturday and I called SRP and APS. APS is the electric company there and I must bring them a deposit of $117. Scott’s helping me financially with the first month and I’ll type for him.

Tomorrow I must call the phone company, as well as food stamps and SS. I already filled out a change of address form. My mail will go over there this Saturday. He has a truck and people to help me move.

MONDAY, MARCH 29, 1993
Naturally, I’m wide awake and probably will be for hours to come. Maybe it’ll be a little peaceful around here tomorrow as far as the lawnmowers are concerned. It’s raining. If I move on the 1st, I hope it rains all the way through till when I get over there. Keeps the lawnmowers away, as well as the parking lot sweepers which are due to return any day.

Everyone’s vibes are different. Andy feels me staying till my lease is up (although that’s what he’d want). Kara says the second week of April. John says April 1st with a slight possibility of April 2nd. I don’t know what to feel, but put it this way - do I feel myself being here in May? No, thank fucking God.

I called John earlier and we chatted a bit. Tomorrow he’ll call Stacey.

I also called Nervous to play a little detective for me. This is gonna sound funny but it’s been picking at me for some time now. When I was living on Oswego St. in 1987 or 1988, Tammy “slipped” and told me a little secret. My sister’s 35 and I’m 27 and so she says that after she was born and before I was born, mom had a miscarriage. My question is, why is it such a big secret? Why the cover-up? Lots of women have miscarriages. I questioned mom about it and she flat-out refused to discuss it. She pulled her “easy way out” line telling me she never looks back on her past. This is why she stayed screwed up year after year. Cuz she never had the guts to admit, face, and deal with her past to help deal with the future. My mother’s a rather weak individual, I’m sorry to say.

A number of things went through my mind. It could be a number of things. Lots of things back then were covered up and hidden. Today more things are exposed and talked about. Stuff like rape, child abuse (emotional, physical and sexual), domestic abuse, adultery and divorce. The woman could’ve been raped. She could’ve had an affair even though I’m 99.9% sure neither one of them ever did. But people are learning, including myself, never to be so sure and take anything for granted. Even those you least expect to do whatever can surprise you.

I remember my sister-in-law Sandy. She was 8 months pregnant and got in a car accident. It was stillborn, but under the Jewish laws (I guess) it was “old enough” to be named and buried. I think it was Sarah Ann. Could something like this have happened to my mom? It could all mean nothing, but my gut tells me to check it out anyway. Nervous is gonna check the gravesite.

SUNDAY, MARCH 28, 1993
What in the world happened to Scott!? Early this afternoon we were supposed to pay a lovely visit to the credit company. After only 4 hours of sleep, I paged him at noon and I’ve never heard from him all damn day. The guy must’ve been super busy. I hope nothing’s wrong.

I am so tired, but just too restless to sleep. I need to sleep badly, too.

Kara was cracking up when I told her about my going off on Andi for 3 hours. I only heard her at 9:30 tonight for about 10 minutes. She’d better be really fucking quiet tomorrow.

I want to hurry up and get this move over with. My only fear is finding some sort of nasty surprise there, but Scott’s been there long enough, so if he says it’s quiet, it’s quiet. It’s just that noise seems to go where I go.

I’m definitely gonna ignore my neighbors, but I’d like to maybe know who’s below me and next to me. Scott has two apartments next to him on both sides of him. I have only 1 apartment next to me. They’re between Scott and me.

John’s gonna call Stacey Mon., but it’s obvious she doesn’t want a subleaser in here. She cares more that I stay than for John to move in and pay a little over $300, whereas I pay $277. Hey, it’s her loss, not mine.

Later…

I am now in one hell of a foul mood. I’m tired of this fucking waiting game. There have been too many places I’ve been psyched to leave and had to play the fucking waiting game. I should just stop waiting and stop trying to get out of here. If I’m not moved by the 1st I’ll go get my $70 and look for a place that does no credit check.

And also, if I don’t get to L.A. by May, I’m not going at all.

Scott called today from the airport. He flew in with some attorneys for a meeting once again with the IRS. I know this guy is busy, but I can’t handle the stress of waiting and hoping. I’m just gonna have to be here for a while and deal with the bitch next door. She was quiet yesterday, but today the butch had 7 people over from 1:30-5:30. These two kids were slamming her door and screaming outside, throwing rocks. At one point I went down to Mary’s as she was taking me to the store. I slammed her door 4 times cuz we’re both so fucking fed up with her. When we returned I called Mary a little later. She said Andi went down and said to Mary, “I hope you weren’t slamming the door in regards to me. I have nothing against you. I don’t care about the one next door, but I hope we don’t have any problems.”

Mary told her the truth; that she was fed up with the slamming and the banging. Mary was trying to study.

She said Andi said, “Yeah, I understand that but I already told the kids about the door.”

Yeah, well the “one next door” has a hell of a treatment in store for her, but I’ll write about it later. If I’m stuck here, she’s gonna have to shut the fuck up and stay that way. I even called the cops, especially cuz I wanted a police report, but they split right after I called. So, I called 911 back and told them to cancel.

Why doesn’t this bitch just go on vacation? She told me she was gonna for many weeks when I first moved in here, so what happened? I wish she’d either go on vacation or get stuck in the hospital for a while. A broken bone may do that, and I’ve got one plan. Anyone who knows that for me to resort to such an extreme, I’ve gotta be pissed! I’ve had enough! She’s gonna be mincemeat!!

SATURDAY, MARCH 27, 1993
At 11:00 I fell asleep and I awoke at 1:00. I’m coughing and congested, so I took that raunchy-tasting cough syrup. It’s made me very drowsy so hopefully, I’ll fall back asleep soon. I’m very tired and I’m gonna need my sleep with the way weekends are so noisy here.

I just spoke to John and he called the office today asking for Stacey. Judy said she wasn’t there. He’ll call back tomorrow to speak to Judy or Paula, but I don’t think John’s gonna live here. That may be for the better, though.

John’s birthday is April 2nd and I want to get or make him a card. He really is a good friend and I’m glad I met him.

Not the Friday that just went by but Friday last week, I went to Scott’s complex in the early afternoon. I brought my work stuff with me. I filled out an application at the office and that’s when I was shown the apartment I put down $70 to hold it. One problem, though. When she ran my credit check she said I owe someone money. By law, even though it’s my credit report, she couldn’t say who it was or how much. She did say it was one thing and nothing drastic. She gave me the name of Credit Data Southwest to get it cleared up, as the girl who applied for the same apartment wasn’t likely to get it. She said things don’t look too good for this girl.

I have no idea what it is, but I have a few theories. It could be stuff I’ve ordered through the mail, which Scott says they can’t prove. It could also be from when I was in the ER in Norwich. They always screw up their billing and of course, I have Medicaid and Medicare. Two days ago Scott and I drove around looking for the place, but by the time we found it, it was closed. Tomorrow afternoon we’re gonna go to this place and I sure as hell hope it can be cleared up quickly cuz as of today, my apartment is ready. I must transfer my phone, electricity, food stamps and call good old SS. Gotta call my bank, too.

So, the day I saw the apartment, Scott took me to work and picked me up. I was gonna stay overnight there to see how quiet it is, but I couldn’t breathe. His roommate and his girlfriend were asleep, but I could smell the stench of mold coming from their room. There’d been a leak in the ceiling in there which had molded and it was to be taken care of the next day. Plus, these people are slobs and he’s finally kicking them out. Lastly, I can’t handle being around more than one cat.

So, during the two hours I was there, we ate hot dogs and he showed me his stamp collection and his drawings. Then, he drove me home.

His cat is a female that’s gray. My cat’s all black. A male cat and he’s gonna get it neutered and declawed. His cat’s spayed and declawed. My cat (Mystery) is very lovable and friendly. I miss having a cat. God answered my prayers on that one. While I’m asleep he can stay in the spare bedroom.

Scott repairs government homes that people lost due to drug busts or cuz they weren’t making their mortgage payments. This is why he can get lots of furniture for free. I sure do miss my soft full-wave waterbed and he says every 1 out of 4 homes has one. That’ll be great and I’ll put this twin bed in the spare bedroom. Meanwhile, he gave me a beanbag (he had 3). He’s also gonna put a ceiling fan in my bedroom.

Later…

I am extremely exhausted. Scott never called and I tried paging him, too.

Kara came over for the first time in a month. She made us coffee and we listened to some tapes. She brought cigarettes, too. She also killed a spider and checked and Windexed my kitchen window. I have not had the guts to open it since I found that huge spider. There was a hole in the screen that she taped.

I had a very nice chat with my niece Lisa, too.

FRIDAY, MARCH 26, 1993
Well, I guess John must have gotten busy at work at Circle K. He hasn’t called back yet. He works part-time at Circle K which is like a 7/11 convenience store. He also drives the cab part-time. He’s gonna call the office tomorrow and ask Stacey why she lied to me about his coming in to take my apartment Knowing her, she’ll be like, “Oh, I recognize you and we did speak as I now recall. Your application was accidentally misplaced.”

Believe it or not, I’m sort of developing a crush on Stacey. She’s getting awfully fun to play with. And go off on. Especially when I know I can get away with it. She gets a kick out of it and about 4 nights ago I came up with a great idea. I said to myself, “OK, Stacey. You wanna play? I can play and bullshit right back.”

At 2:30 in the morning last Monday or Tuesday, I called the office knowing I’d get the machine. This is what I said: “Hi, this is Jodi and this message is for Stacey. Thank you so much for the stuff you left outside my door. I just got home and discovered it. I was shocked, but that was very nice of you as I just ran out of the brand I usually use.”

I was referring to the hair stuff, of course, and I figured she’d ask about it out of normal curiosity. I would’ve said what it was and that a card, which I already threw out with the garbage had been attached saying: From Stacey, at the VV office.

Amazingly enough, she never ever questioned me to find out just what in the hell I was talking about. Not even when I went into the office today to get my collector’s plate that came in the mail. Only she and Judy were there at that time. Maybe she didn’t want to bring it up in front of Judy.

I noticed Judy’s hair was up in a banana clip, so after half an hour I returned with one I don’t want. They get stuck in my hair so I gave them to her. Stacey was talking to an old man who lives here.

I’d have had 3 plates, but I only have two cuz one broke. I have a cat looking into a mirror and one of a little girl looking into a pond with flowers all around her. The one that broke was of a white Angora cat surrounded by purple flowers.

Later…

I wish my cold would hurry up and pass. At least this time it’s a cold and not the flu and the fever’s gone, but my throat is still a little sore. I’m also very very congested. Damn, I wish I could quit smoking! I’m trapped till I die on that one, though.

At around 5:30, I fell asleep and I woke up to the thunderstorm we had at noon. That’s fine with me, though. It’s pouring pretty heavily out there now and it’s chilly. It’s about 15º cooler than it has been. A pretty drastic change from how it’s been the last month. At least it’s not constantly changing every day like New England weather does.

There are only two things I don’t like about my new apartment I have no glass sliding shower door. I have to get a shower curtain that blows all around and sticks to you. There’s also no roof above my patio. Here I can usually leave my door open during the rain, but there I won’t be able to. At least it does not rain too often here, so I can leave my windows open while I’m asleep or out and not have to worry.

Anyway, let me back up to a couple of weeks ago. I think, but I’m not sure, it was a Friday night that I’d reached my final straw with the bitch next door banging. I said that’s it! I’m gonna give it right back. I screamed and pounded the walls for nearly 3 hours.

Mary and Dave were sitting outside talking. Mary explained to Dave why I was going off cuz right before I did, I called her to tell her what was coming.

The next day Dave left a note by my door. It said: I heard you last night and I’m sorry someone disturbed your sleep. I understand as I used to work 2nd and 3rd shifts. I was playing music and burning candles and incense. If this bothers you, please call me.

He gave me his number and I called and left a message explaining the ass next door.

Ever since that night, she’s been much quieter. I mean, like 90% quieter.

Mary’s been up a few times and we’ve also chatted on the steps, so I’m sure she’s overheard exactly how I feel. Also, anytime she tap dances, I’m gonna dance right back.

I don’t know if I wrote about this, but a week or so ago, I called one of the two maintenance numbers here, so whoever was to answer wouldn’t recognize my voice. I said, “This is Andrea C and my toilet’s overflowing and there’s water everywhere.” A half-hour later, one of the guys knocked, but I don’t think she answered. I’m sure it woke her up, though.

Dave downstairs is an excellent neighbor. I only woke up once to his closet door, but I nicely explained how well that can rock the place on his machine. One night we got to chatting for a while and he invited me down for some pizza. That was nice. He also called last night to see if I’d be awake at 5:30. He’s having a woman with a little monster come over. He said to call if it gets to be too much, but I think I can handle it knowing I’m moving and I am awake. Drowsy cuz of my cough syrup, but awake.

Later…

I still presently have a few more subjects to write about that I left off with in the previous journal. However, this cold is still nagging me, so I’ll probably write later.

My stomach is growling for food. I’m gonna go eat now as at least I have somewhat of an appetite. Then, I’ll watch TV, listen to music and write letters. Probably yack on the phone, too.

Later…

I am watching America’s Most Wanted now.

I spoke to Tammy earlier and I’m gonna have Scott call her. She’s in a really desperate financial crisis now. Maybe she can type for him.

I’m disappointed that it’s only a myth that exotic dancers make big bucks. Maybe in Vegas or Hollywood, but not here too often. I know all the girls bitch about how little they usually make and that it’s not just me. I wish it was me, though, so I could correct whatever was wrong.

Well, I’m gonna go continue with my TV shows and I’ll write later.

THURSDAY, MARCH 25, 1993
I am so happy and so pissed at the same time.

I’ve had my final straw with Stacey and she’s gonna get it good this time. Last week John decided to sublease my apartment We called Stacey and she said to come pick up an application. I did and gave it to John one night when he picked me up from work. He called me and told me he filled it out, brought it to the office, spoke briefly with Stacey, and was told she’d process it. I began to have a funny feeling about Stacey fucking with any subleasers to try to keep me here. I called and all 3 girls told me John never came in. But I know John wouldn’t lie and he described what Stacey looks like. That fucking bitch! I’m gonna do just what Scott told me to do. Go in the office with John and have her tell us to our faces that he never came in. You’d think that with the way I’ve gone off on them so many times for so many reasons, they’d say, “We don’t want a bitch like her here.” I know exactly why Stacey wants to keep me here. For one or both of the following reasons. To irk me, as she knows I do not like it here and why. I told her I was fully aware of her ordering Gordy to yack really loud outside my window early in the morning, not that I’d expect her to admit it. I also told her that with or without a subleaser, I’m out of here. Overall I’ve been pretty lucky with neighbors (at least back east I was when you get the NHA out of the picture), but with landlords and apartment managers, it’s been a whole different ball game. If it was the other way around and they knew I loved it here, I bet she’d try to evict me. I’m literally her fucking source of entertainment. She gets off on me going off.

I have another possible motivation on her part which others suggested to me when she pulled her first episode with me last October. I think it’s a combination of both, though. I’ve heard she’s married, but even if she wasn’t and if she were attracted to a female, she’s too conservative to act on it. She surely seems the type who could never bring herself to go with a woman no matter how much she was attracted to them. Maybe I’m the first one, she’s not used to the feeling, and it’s freaking her out. When people can’t act on their attraction and get positive attention, they’ll try getting negative attention. People desperate for sex or friendship like Nervous, Fran and Ellie surely do stuff like that. But Stacey is a different kind in that same group of people. To tell you the truth, I’d be somewhat flattered if she liked me. She’s no one I’d ever have a relationship with because she’s too much of a bitch, but I’d have sex with her.

Last Friday Scott took me to his complex to fill out an application for a 1-bedroom, but there were no top-floor 1-bedrooms available. All they had were first and second floors. No way. So, the subject of a 2-bedroom/1 bath came up for $500 a month. Even if I made $600 a month at work, plus my $444, I could swing the rent, electricity and phone. However, Scott will be paying $200 of my rent for me to type for him. This is good anyway, as SS would surely wonder how I can pay $500 for rent, plus the electricity and phone out of $444 a month. The rental lease to prove what my rent is can easily be changed. I simply white out the $500 and reprint $325. Then, I photocopy it.

So, I saw a vacant apartment two doors away from Scott’s that’ll be ready on the 27th of this month. It’s gorgeous! It’s about 900 square feet and it’s sort of laid out like the 2-bedrooms here. The master bedroom is by the highway which is fine with me as highway noise is kind of soothing. The other bedroom’s at the opposite end of the apartment on the other side of the building, and yes it’s even closer to the pool. That’s OK, though, as where I’m gonna sleep is far from the pool and that’s where the highway noise is. At the other end of the apartment where the other bedroom is, are the sounds of the waterfalls. It’s a very long apartment and the kitchen is sort of like the ones here in the 1- and 2-bedrooms. It’s wider and you can reach through and over a counter into the living room. Sort of like a little bar-like thing, and I want to get stools. The other wall’s solid cuz behind it is outside.

The security guard lives below me and is on a night schedule, too. The office is next to me, but not directly attached to me. They’re on the ground at an angle. There’s someone next to me on the side where my kitchen and living room wall is, but it’s fine as the wall’s solid concrete. Also, the apartment’s so big that they’re not right next to you. In this studio building, everyone’s next to each other cuz the apartments are so small and so close. It’s like living in a house here, rather than your own apartment

There’s no way I’ll be so able to hear footsteps and banging so much. Even if there were a kid next to me, although I prefer there not to be, it wouldn’t be such a problem.

My apartment is even bigger than Scott’s cuz he loses the extra space in his second bathroom. I make it up in living room space. His stairs are on the poolside of the building. Mine are on the highway side. I have a huge sliding glass door at the end of the living room. One window in the master bedroom and two in the other. They’re corner windows close together and it’s so cool looking. One goes directly outside and the other onto my patio. My storage closet’s not on my patio. It’s right outside my front door, but that’s fine in case I encounter any unwanted visitors in it. Easier to sweep it out, too. It’s locked, but I’ll be sure I don’t put any valuables in it.

Later…

In half an hour or so from now, John will be calling, so I’ll write till then. Andy will probably call, too. At the same time as everything happens at once. While I was in the shower today, Andy, Scott, and some magazine publisher called.

Once again I questioned Andy about the hair care products and TV guide left by my door. He swears he has no idea about it. No clue at all. It makes no sense that someone I know wouldn’t tell me if they left it. It also makes no sense for a stranger to drop it by my door. Only people who know me know my hair is my life and that I use TV guides. My TV guides now come in the mail.

Thank God Pete, our regular mailman is back.

Andy played me a message Velma left him for me. It said, “Tell your friend I will order a straightening iron for $14.95 if she wants.” Just as I was about to say something, Andy asked what I was about to say. A straightening iron (especially a rare kind hardly ever sold in stores) costs from $20-$30, so this is her way of settling fairly with me. I told Andy to tell her that I’ll tell him when to have it ordered some time after I move.

I guess Andy just had a money problem with Velma, too. He’s using some furniture of hers. A double bed, a TV stand, small table, two chairs, and that big chair. She said she’s selling it to him for $175 and she wants $85 of it now! He told her he didn’t have $85 on him even though $175 is a great price for all the furniture. So, she whined, bitched and complained, taking it oh so personally. Then Velma bitched about her phone being disconnected. Andy asked why not take all that money she has in her Cadillac fund, but she wouldn’t budge.

TUESDAY, MARCH 23, 1993
I have an awful lot to write about so I’ll get a move on it.

Once again I’ve been cursed with the flu. I am feverish with a sore throat, but at least I’m not puking. The doctor called in stuff for my flu and my pap results came back OK. Thank God.

Angel and Brian took me food shopping yesterday.

Oh, on the 16th I was hired at the Mile High and I worked Thursday and Friday. Shockingly and disappointingly enough, the money’s no better than Sha Na Na’s. At least the girls are nice and there’s no tip out. All I do is tip the DJ 10% of what I make. I’ll also save on my $5 cab fares whenever the hell I move cuz Scott can usually drive me.

I really want Scott and Andy to sit down and talk about all the stuff Scott’s told me. Andy feels Scott’s too good to be true, but he’s that way with everyone. Plus, if I had any funny feelings I’d have walked away and never gotten involved. He’s also had plenty of chances to hurt me if he were that way. When Andy first met Scott, even he was saying how cool a person he seems. There are a lot of interesting things to be written about Scott which I’ll do another time. In the meantime, do I think he’s gonna rape me? No. Do I think he’s gonna drop off the face of this earth? No. And even if he did, with my $444 from SS and $600 - $800 from the Mile High, I can swing my rent at Crystal Creek. I also met Scott’s parents at their retirement home.

I know why Andy’s acting this way. He does this whenever things go well for me and people do things for me he wishes they would do for him. He’s both happy for me as well as jealous. I’m moving earlier and then there’s Capitol. Speaking of that, he’s had 3 posters made up of the picture I gave him. It normally costs $1,000 but since he knows a photographer, he’s paying $500. That is very kind of him. I said really loud in the bar, “You paid $500 to have me blown up!” Some people got a kick outa that one!

Bob’s getting into envelope decorations, too. How nice. He’s sent 3 so far. Fran got the 3 journals. I’ll write more later. I am just too feverish and dizzy right now to sit up and write.

THURSDAY, MARCH 18, 1993
I just killed a spider and decided to write now. I need to stay up till at least 2:00 cuz I don’t want to wake up earlier than 10:00. I just paged John and Scott, but I got no calls yet.

Yesterday after Andy and I had T-bone steaks, stuffing, and corn here for dinner, I scrubbed down the kitchen area, but I need to dust, vacuum and clean the bathroom.

Scott was over about 5 nights ago. He’s dealing with undependable elderly people, trying to get them into my place. He knows tons of people but he hasn’t got the time to contact them about getting in here.

I let him hear some edits as well as a few of his own that I edited from messages he left me.

He talked to Bill about a picture of me. Bill said he’s only interested in the voice, but promotions may want to see if the “girl” is marketable. I gave Scott one of me in a black dress. Behind me were the blinds on my sliding glass door. He knows a photographer personally and he’s gonna have it blown up and have the blinds taken out and an ocean replaced as my background.

Last night I spoke to John. He wants out of his place, as the people above him stomp on his head all day. He’s gonna let me know about taking over my place, but I don’t have a great vibe on that one.

A couple of days ago Andy called me wanting me to hear a message someone left him to see if I knew who it was. All she said was, “Hi, talk to you later.” I said it sounded like Ellie’s voice. He agreed. So, yesterday afternoon he told me he was over at her place trying to convince her to call me, but she wouldn’t. He called me after and said her place was wide open (patio door & window) and he could’ve easily climbed down into her patio which is partially underground like a cellar. Then, he suggested we go over there and we did.

She flipped and ran into her bedroom and shut the bedroom door. All the while screaming mainly at me. I told him to climb into her place, but cuz it was broad daylight he wouldn’t. We ran to her bedroom window trying to convince her to call me, but she kept running at the mouth.

We left and we agreed he’d go to her place and that he’d call me. She will invite him in, too. I only hope she doesn’t have blocks, as she seems the type who’d get them. Meanwhile, we got her apartment number. I never knew her last name which I guess begins with a C. That’s OK, though, cuz as long as I got her apartment number I’ll type Eloisa and a last name beginning with a C.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 17, 1993
As of yesterday, Andy’s been here for two years. I’ve been here 9 months and 8 days.

I have so many topics to discuss, so I’ll just run right down the list.

Yesterday at 4:30 PM Andy took me to the Mile High Club where Crystal (Scott’s girlfriend) works. Even from the outside, before we went inside, I could see how much classier it is. The inside is so much nicer. Classier, fancier and bigger. There’s only one huge stage and that’s good, so we have more time to get table dances.

A guy named Mark, who seems very nice, hired me. First, we spoke and then I danced to a Madonna song. I wasn’t one bit nervous. Just like at Sha Na Na’s the girls seemed very nice and said don’t hesitate to ask any questions.

The dressing room’s so much bigger and nicer. We won’t have to be climbing over each other and we even have our own lockers. This is great, and I’ll use my combination lock so I don’t have to keep my key on me. It’s also nice that I won’t have to lug all my shit home with me every night. Just the stuff I need to wash.

It’s still under the table and you have no bar tip! All you’re recommended to give is a little something to the DJ.

I’ll be working Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday from 6 PM - 1 AM. I’ll be doing Andy’s laundry for him once again, in exchange for rides to work. Steve, who I just paged, will be picking me up. I gave him my schedule and he’s still gonna flat rate me $5. It’s normally an $8 - $10 fare.

The two months of experience at Sha Na Na’s sure helps. When Mark said not to forget my latex, it was good to be able to say, “I know,” instead of, “What’s that?”

Later…

I just had half of a cigarette. They’re long 120s. Now I’m microwaving bacon.

I got another kitten plate in the mail, so now I have two. They’re cute.

A guy named Greg whom I met at the pool last summer was gonna take me to the doctor, but Angel and Brian were available to do it. I gave them $3, some coffee and some hot chocolate.

Later…

About my doctor’s appointment, well, it was a little surprising. First of all, he ended up doing an unexpected pelvic exam which didn’t hurt at all. I am infected and I’ve got to call them Fri. as well as figure out what to do. The doctor says it hasn’t been treated right. Well, that’s obvious since no creams or antibiotics would work. My tits are fine. Just the usual obnoxious soreness and swelling before my period. My luck will be that I’ll get my period for my first night of work.

My allergies and asthma are much better than they were from mid-October to late January, but November and December were the worst months.

I’m starting to feel more comfortable with this doctor. It usually takes a while. He was shocked when I told him about the dancing as he’s only seen my shy side that only comes out with doctors. Everyone who knows me knows I’m far from shy.

Stacey explained how it works for a subleaser. They’d pay $297 and they’d have 8 months added on after June 30th. Speaking of Stacey, well, so she seems friendlier to my face, but it’s ironic how Gordy talks really loud by my bedroom window at 7:30 in the morning. Maybe it’s Stacey’s orders or on maintenance alone. But, then again, Andy got the same shit when he was working 3rd shift before I ever got here.

The weather was funny today. It’s been in the 80s for two weeks. Today and yesterday it even felt a little muggy and I had the AC on here and there. Right now it’s beautiful, dry and not too cool or too hot, but I think it’s gonna rain. New England’s now having what they’re calling the storm of the century. I mean, they haven’t had this much snow since the late 60s - early 70s. They have over two feet all through the east coast! Lisa and Becky’s school has been canceled. What perfect timing for me to get the hell out! I’d be stranded and even more of a caged animal, even if I did have a car.

Andy and Tammy had an excellent talk with me listening without Tammy’s knowledge. It was funny how Tammy said Becky said, “This boy Kenny. I think he has a black face, but I like him anyway.”

They talked about the weather, my dancing and this and that. Andy mentioned Scott, too. When Andy mentioned my being in shape, Tammy said, “At least one of us is.”

Then, when I went to signal him to hang up I didn’t want to hit buttons on the phone, so I slammed my closet door. He said, “I hear someone slamming their closet door and it doesn’t bother me, but it’d make Jodi furious.”

Tammy says, “After Norwich, it sure would.”

Earlier today I spoke to mom for the last time in a while. She’s such a never-ending, never-changing bitch. They’re happy I’m happy dancing, but in her eyes, I’m just never good enough no matter what I do and I’m sure she expects me to fall flat on my ass and fail. Yeah, I’ve failed and given up on stuff before, but that was then, this is now. I appreciate all her material and financial help, but I need a break from even talking to the bitch. Dad and Tammy are a whole different ball game. They’re very supportive and positive.

Mary’s coming up from downstairs, so I’ll write later.

Later…

I just reorganized my workbag. It’ll be easier using the combination lock and hanging some of my costumes up on the hooks inside my locker. Until I have more shoes and more G-strings, all I’ll take home in a smaller bag will be my shoes and G-strings and stockings to wash. I don’t remember, but I hope there’s a shelf in the locker for my little stuff like makeup, deodorant, brush, money, etc.

I have a half-hour before I watch TV, so I’ll write about Mary’s visit.

Before I do, though, I blasted out the post office today. A million others here, along with the office have too. Pete left and we haven’t a regular carrier yet and they’re screwing up everyone’s mail. I’m missing a phone bill, I believe. I also think I may be missing my TV guide. I left a note saying, “Put my damn mail in my box. Not on top of all the mailboxes and not in someone else’s!”

I also got a call that was out of area, according to my box. It probably was Fran or Nervous, but I left Fran a message to let me know if he got the journals.

Leanne hasn’t called, but Julia did. She was crying cuz she was upset with some guy. She said, “I don’t mean to keep you hanging. I can’t say I’ll never be with a woman. I’m sure women are better cuz they’re more sensitive, easier to deal with and I’m sure better in bed, but right now I’m so hurt and I don’t want to see anyone.” I told her I was a good listener if she ever wanted to call, nothing’s too blunt or personal, and she can take her time cuz I know exactly how fucked people are.

Mary and I went to the office for part of their 6-foot sub and other goodies, like cake, ice cream and cookies. All this week they’re having things going on due to St. Patty’s day. Yesterday was car wash day. Andy got his washed. Saturday’s free carnations. I think tomorrow’s free coffee and donuts.

I’ll write more about what Mary and I discussed later on after my shows.

MONDAY, MARCH 15, 1993
I am now out on my patio, but it’s too hot and uncomfortable writing with no table. I have moved right inside to my kitchen table.

Scott came over at 10:00 last night. He was unable to go to church as he had to go repair a government home that was broken into.

I wonder, along with him, just how dependable these elderly people are gonna be from his church. He knows a lot of people but doesn’t really have the time to get ahold of them as far as taking over my place.

SUNDAY, MARCH 14, 1993
It is amazing as all hell, but this weekend Andi’s been quiet. She’s been in and out all weekend.

The guy below me is never home which is fine with me.

I hope to hear from Scott by 5:00 or so. I do have a good feeling, but I want to hear him tell me I’m out of here. The office has to approve them and I hope they don’t take their sweet time and stall or get in the way of anything. Since I let Stacey have it last October she hasn’t messed with me, and Paula and Judy are no problem.

I left some edits on Mary’s machine as I said I would. I can’t wait till Scott hears the edits. I’ve told him all about them and I edited him leaving a message on my VM.

The weather’s unlike it has been in the last two weeks. It was in the 80s and very warm. Today’s cloudy and slightly damp and chilly. It’s 77º, but of course, here that feels like 67º. Tonight will be chilly and I may turn my heat on during the very early morning hours. It’ll be the high 40s to low 50s tonight no doubt.

No one’s at the pool today.

Andy fell asleep last night when I called, so we’ll talk later. From 7:00-10:00, I won’t be talking to anyone. There’s a movie I want to see, as well as some other show on channel 3, which we never could figure out how to program into the VCR. It’s nice having Caller ID so I can see who’s calling unless they have blocks.

Just when it looks like the sun’s gonna creep out, it gets cloudy. My patio is so beautiful, though. It’s so green with it being surrounded by trees. I hope my new apartment will have the most private patio as well as the most private and quiet apartment I’m sitting at my table now with my sliding door open. I just realized how wide those doors are in my new apartment I could just yank this table out whenever I want to write outside. I do want to get another table, though.

Well, I’ve got the munchies again, so I shall go eat.

Later…

Right now I’m getting pretty pissed. Scott hasn’t called and I’m tired of playing this waiting game. If no one takes this apartment, I’m moving anyway. The bitch next door’s back to doing her usual tap dance. Although it’s mild, I’m gonna be knocking on the inside of my door the next time I’m up past midnight.

Watch Scott call during tonight’s movie since I can’t record it.

Andy went out to dinner, but a few hours ago he heard my latest edition of edits. Mainly him singing the Funny Farm song and other stuff, Scott, and us coughing.

I did tons of letter-writing today and that’s pretty much all I did. I ate a lot and watched the shows I taped last night.

Nervous and Fran are getting no more letters from me. They never write to me, I’m bored and sick of writing to them as its fun has worn off and that’ll leave me more time to do other stuff. I’ll only write to my parents, Lisa and Becky (who get one letter for both of them), Kim, Bob and Tammy. So, that totals 7 letters, but 5 people. I won’t be writing as often as I have been.

SATURDAY, MARCH 13, 1993
I hope Scott calls soon to tell me if he’s got someone taking over my apartment. He called two nights ago saying he spoke to several people and he’s got positive news. I hope so. This morning he left a message saying he’d call right about now or tomorrow.

Christina, the housekeeper, left me a huge box with smaller boxes inside them. I’ve told several people to leave me boxes if they can.

Friday I was at the pool as well as today and the last 4-5 days. I’ve met some nice new people as well as chatted with people I’ve known. Stephanie and I had a great two-hour talk yesterday.

Leanne left a message saying she’d not only been busy with the move but had strep throat. Once again, I’m not bothering with her for the same old reason. She sounds fine now and if she really wanted to see me, she’d have done so by now. Again, you can maybe get lucky enough to have them call and hit it off over the phone, but good luck getting them to your door and following through from there. People, man, I’ll tell ya. If she calls again I’m telling her what I just wrote and that I’m calling it quits.

I left Julia a message, too. No calls from her either.

Andy may call any minute, and due to the fact that everything happens at once, Scott will call at the same time.

My mom left a message right before I awoke at 10:00. A letter to them was returned to me and I left a message asking why. She said she had no idea why and that they were fine. Then, it was pretty funny as she didn’t hang up the phone all the way. The bummer was, though, that she caught it soon enough afterward.

I got some of the color back that I lost, but I’m gonna be careful. I don’t want sun poisoning or skin cancer.

Tonya was over two days ago for a reading. We had a chat for a half-hour or so.

Kara may be returning to Michigan for a while to get her diploma there, then return here to go to the police academy.

I was over at Diane’s again today for coffee. We had a nice chat, too.

It’s a miracle and a half, but Andi was out all day (next door). I hope she doesn’t make up for today’s peace and quiet by flipping out all day tomorrow. That’s all I need unless she goes to church.

I called information last night after realizing I misspelled her name and that’s why I couldn’t get the number. I’m surprised she’s even listed, but I left her some spitting, as well as Mary Had a Little Lamb with the phone keys, and also had Kara say, “Payback’s a bitch.”

I almost forgot, but when I called Julia today, I’d planned on playing Mary Had a Little Lamb after I hit the first 4 keys, but her messages played. How neat. Just like Fran. She had a message to call her from a Barb and one from US West to get caller ID.

Last night Andy and I tried calling Nervous and got no answer. We then called Fran and got his machine. I hit *37 and there was a message from a girl. It appears that once again he took in some creep who ripped him off, but that’ll always be Fran for you. A major sucker. I recorded this girl’s message and edited it onto his machine. He is not gonna be expecting that! Andy and I were cracking up. I did quite a bit of editing today and I promised to leave some on Mary’s machine.

We went grocery shopping, but I’ll write about that later.

A note from Andy…

Andy was here on December 4, 1992. In his living room with his stomach growling because he is starving. The phone just rang and Jodi wants me to cook pork chops. But they take 45 minutes to cook ‘em my way. I am starving do you understand? Last night I drove up to Camelback Mountain to be part of the clouds. I stood for a long while in the drizzle, dreaming of my wanton luxury. Let’s do some handy things together. Thank you, God, for sending my best companion to me!

Later…

Any minute I’ll be chatting with Andy, so I will write till then. That is unless he already fell asleep.

Andy gave me a good idea. He said it’d probably be better for Bill T to see what I look like. And by the way, it’s Bill/Mark Productions. I mentioned this idea to Scott who I spoke to a little while ago. He agreed, so I’m gonna give him a picture of me to send to Bill.

Scott says he’s gonna see these two elderly people in church tomorrow about my place. Let’s hope all goes well, but I do finally have a very very good vibe.

He’s also gonna buy my food stamps from me to send to his son in Michigan. He said this way he knows only food can be bought with it. At the grocery store, I bought (besides food) two new bottles of nail polish. My favorite colors which just dried out; fire engine red and burgundy. A package of 48 colorful envelopes. Wild Musk perfume which is mild and doesn’t set off my allergies as much.

Mary also told me she went to a psychic fair and was told the same things I told her.

I still have no idea as to who left me those hair care products. Everyone I know would tell me they left it if they did, so I guess a stranger left it, but that doesn’t seem right either. Does Andy know something about this? Does it have to do with Velma? He not only sides with those I’m upset with, but he also tries to fix shit between us. More and more he’s bringing up shit about Velma. This really irks me, but I try to ignore it. The last person I want to associate with is a stingy selfish bitch.

I’ll try calling him now. If his machine comes on, then he obviously fell asleep. Then, I’ll go watch all the shows I’ve recorded and write letters.

THURSDAY, MARCH 11, 1993
I’m sitting here by my building on the utility box hoping my cab gets here soon enough and doesn’t forget or get lost. I called Brian and Angel and they said they could probably pick me up if I can’t get a ride again from that new waitress and her mother as I did yesterday. I went over to Brian and Angel’s apartment yesterday. If they’re around whenever I need a ride while I still live here, they’ll drive me.

I’ve been up since 4:30 and I’m somewhat tired. By the time my shift ends, I’ll be beat. Then, if I must work the PM shift tomorrow night, I’ll have to try to hold out at least until midnight.

Not only can I not wait to move, but I also can’t wait to quit Sha Na Na’s and transfer. I know it’ll be deader than dead just like it was yesterday so I brought a notebook. I’ll copy whatever I write into my journal cuz there’s no way I’d bring it to work in case anything happened to it.

God, please let that cab be here on time! They do this shit to me every time I call for one.

I hope Scott does make it in today. I could use a friend coming in there and also one who’ll never let me go home broke.

Unfortunately, I am kind of tired and that sucks. I’ll have to get some coffee as soon as I get there.

Here comes sweet little old Stacey. She said hello in a friendly voice as she walked by with two potential residents. Residents who will never know just how thin the walls are unless they move in.

Later…

I am at work now where there is only one fucking customer! God, I hope Scott comes in!

Luckily my cab driver got there on time, but not Charles. Some other guy came and he hated Vista Ventana and moved, too. I’ve spoken to numerous people who don’t like VV for the same reasons I don’t.

They’re remodeling here. They connected the 3 stages. Good idea. There are more mirrors, too.

I’m now sitting at the back of the bar at a table, thanking God I brought a notebook. If I don’t copy what I’ve written into my journal after work, then I will soon.

Omar was here, then he left, so who knows what the hell’s going on with my schedule? I’ve already done my set, but after two more songs, it’ll be my turn again on stage. There are only 5 girls here right now which doesn’t matter since it’ll be dead. There are Dee Dee, Venus, Debbie, Storm and I. There are way too many girls on the PM shift. That’s for damn sure. There are 3 DJs. Andy, Tracy (who I call Billy cuz he looks like Billy Ray Cyrus) and Phil. Billy was here yesterday. Andy came in for his paycheck and to bum a smoke off of me, not that I mind. Phil’s on today. He asked me what kind of music I like since he’s never DJ’d with me working. I told him I hate heavy metal and to play dance music and country. I named singers I like. I was the first dancer up before our one customer came in. Phil tipped me a buck. Wow, I just noticed we have two more customers. Wowee, like it’ll help much. How do these dancers pay their bills?

Later…

I just did my second set and got $3 for it. Some long-time regular just brought in tons of chicken wings and grinders. That was great cuz I was starving. There are a few more customers in here now and I believe I have a table dance for the next song. There are only 4 customers in here now.

I still have some letter writing to do as well as editing, as always. After I copy this into my journal I’m sure the no-postage-necessary people will want to hear from me.

I just did my much-needed table dance and after the next song, my third set’s up. For the last set, as I was getting on stage, Phil said, “Mystery, you’ve been here two months and I’ve been here two years and we haven’t worked together yet.” Afterward, he complimented me on my dancing. Yes, I can feel and see that difference in my body and my dancing. I’m much more limber.

I’ve only gotten two table dances so far and this really sucks what with how dead it is here. Next song is my fourth set. Each girl’s doing two songs.

I hope Scott comes in. Omar’s back, but he’s busy with the guys who are remodeling.

Later…

Right after I last wrote I went up on stage and Scott came in. If he didn’t come in I’d have $4 after tip out, but he threw $70 on me! How cool, huh?

We had a great talk for an hour or so. He feels I probably will be out on the 15th. He also says he has a really strong feeling within two weeks I’ll be going to L.A. He said if worse comes to worst as far as them taking their sweet time, he will personally take me out to their studios in May.

I just thank God for 95% happiness all the time now, rather than 95% misery.

Scott says my black cat’s doing fine and I came up with the perfect name for him. Especially an all-black cat. My stage name… Mystery.

I hope Kara stopped by to pick up those blankets.

If all goes well, I’ll only have one more weekend of listening to the bitch next door pummel the walls, floors and whatever the hell it is she does to create so much fucking banging.

I’ll be calling Bob during the day Friday. Bob, the bartender, that is. I told him to put me back on 4 nights a week, but no Saturdays or Mondays.

I am just so happy now. I’ve been depressed or anxious only a few times since I’ve been here, but it passed quickly. It was mainly over money. Also wondering what the hell I was gonna do with my life and how the hell I’d ever get a connection with the singing. Thanks to Tonya who started all this. Without her, there’d be no dancing, no money, no peace of mind, no Scott, no Capitol, no new apartment. No, money’s not everything, but it sure does help. If I didn’t want to be a singer or do anything else, this is where I’d stay. Maybe not in this particular club, but I’d never stop dancing.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 10, 1993
Yesterday I awoke at 5:00 and I went into Sha Na Na’s for the noon - 6:30 shift and made shitty money. I’m going in at noon today too, and Omar’s going to change my schedule. I cannot work Saturday and Monday.

Scott has round two with the IRS this Thursday. He still doesn’t know where he stands with them.

Still have no idea when my lease will be taken over, but I hope real soon.

For some unknown reason, I got a letter I’d sent to my parents returned to me. I called and left them a message to let me know if they know anything about it.

No calls from Ellie, Julia or Leanne.

Later…

I just put in a personal call to Charles, my new day driver for 11:30. He drives the same cab Steve drives at night.

Andy’s still asleep and God only knows how with the outside noise here and there. Must’ve smoked lots of pot.

Kara will be stopping over to pick up two blankets I don’t want. I left them outside my door. Kara may be going home to Michigan for a while.

Scott called and he may stop in today. Scott’s talking to people today about my apartment.

MONDAY, MARCH 8, 1993
Saturday morning I asked Kara to tell me if she felt I’m gonna move on March 15th or April 1st. She felt the 15th. I sure hope so. Kara’s just as psychic as me and so is John. I always wanted to meet someone at my level to consult with from one psychic to another.

After Kara and I spoke, I called Tammy and she asked me to try to tell her if she’d be getting a job. I wasn’t able to see what the job was, but I felt it was 40 minutes away and required traveling. That much was right. I told her I had a very good vibe for the job. She’d get a call about it Monday between 10 AM-noon and fix whatever may be wrong with her van. I also could see a guy in his 40s, average height and weight, dark hair, slight bald spot, dark eyes, dark-rimmed glasses, and a heavy-set black woman.

I thought I saw her arguing with a blond in a grocery store, but she said she’d had a friendly chat with this woman.

Then, I called Kara and we called her and I told Tammy that Kara’s a lot like me and we consult one another. Kara and I agreed on everything, but one thing. Finally, Tammy told us it was a job doing security. Kara said she saw that as well as carrying a gun. Maybe the reason why I had a strong vibe was cuz she definitely has the looks and the image of a security guard. About as much as I look like a singer and a dancer.

I told her to give up Avon as I see it to be a pain in the ass that’s not profitable. Tammy says she’ll let me know.

Saturday night at around 8:00 I went to the Jacuzzi. Sue, Steve, Angel, Brian, their baby and some other guy were there. We had a nice chat and they were happy for me about the dancing, Capitol, and the new apartment

It’s amazing how many people don’t like it here for the same reasons I don’t. They all complain about the walls being too thin.

If I could’ve slept till 3:00 tonight, I’d have gone to work today from noon - 6:30, but I awoke at 11:20 PM. I still don’t know if I’ll be returning to Sha Na Na’s, typing for Scott, or transferring if he can drive me to and from work while I still live here. He called right before I woke up and said he’d call tomorrow. I hope things rule in his favor.

Last night John called from Circle K and Steve was there too. I spoke to both of them telling them everything’s up in the air at the moment.

I’ll be sending Fran the old little journals. I’ll get 5 stamps from the office today.

I neglected the plant my parents sent me on my B-Day, so I trimmed all the dead leaves. I also took the flowered bow out of the plant and unraveled it. It’s quite long and I’ll use it for some kind of decoration after I move.

I got 3 NPN envelopes and I stuffed in pictures Andy didn’t want.

Andy says Velma is still looking into a straightening iron for me, but I’m not paying for it. She is to pay for it, otherwise, forget it.

Later…

At about 10:00 yesterday morning, I ran into Diane on my way back from my mailbox. She’s the one I’ve seen a couple of times in the laundry room and she met Stephanie. You surely can tell she’s gay, but she’s not pitifully ugly. Not as ugly as the bitch next door. She came up to see my studio, then she invited me to her place for coffee. I was shocked at how clean, neat and well-decorated her apartment is. We sat on her porch and had a nice talk. She’s 29, athletic like most of them are, and sober. Being able to read people well, I figured she was sober. She goes to school and works in the medical records dept. at Baptist Hospital. She also has a car and goes to bed early and gets up early. She’s single now but was once in a relationship for 4 years. I can see that, due to her plain looks and she does seem relationship-oriented. She also seems like a very good, stable, mature person. We exchanged numbers, then I went to the pool. There were several people there. Sharon, who I met in August was there with her little girl and boy. We chatted for a while and I was there for a little over an hour. I did get some color, but not enough to brag about. Tomorrow will be better for hanging out at the pool. No one will be there, but the people who mow the lawns will be out and about everywhere.

I’ll write more after I go eat and boy am I ever hungry.

Later…

I just had two pieces of fried chicken and soon I’ll have another “cough of cuppee.”

What the hell was that that just sounded like something hit the roof?

I haven’t heard at all from Leanne for over a week. She must be either extremely busy or has chickened out. And Andy thought I’d chicken out. Maybe she lost my number during her move. Who knows?

Julia called me a week ago. I’ll call both of them just as soon as I know what’s going on with me.

When the hell am I going to L.A.? John, Kara and I feel it’s positive with a positive outcome. We all feel in a month I’ll be there, but I want to go now!

About a week ago I had a nice chat with my dad about dancing, the apartment and Capitol.

It’s 6:00 back east and Tammy and the rest of the family are getting up around this time. I sure hope in the next 4-6 hours she gets called about that job so I don’t make an ass of myself. I’ve never really predicted events for someone 3,000 miles away, although it’s not impossible.

Another sound from the roof. It sounded like it cracked. Let’s hope not while I’m still here.

Later…

Yes! I called Sprint about that $100 deposit and it was a mistake on their end. She said to disregard the letter. Damn right, I will.

Today I’ll leave that note I said I’d leave on Ellie’s door.

Later…

I just completed another edit tape. It sure is less confusing and much easier dealing with all my tapes now that I finally got them all organized. I left Andy the latest edition of edits on his VM along with tons of other messages. Soon, I’ll tape the 7 saved messages from my VM to be edited. One’s of Scott and the rest are of Andy burping, coughing and singing.

We made a deal that while we weren’t home or were asleep we’d pull our phones off the hook. That way we wouldn’t have to wait for it to ring and ring and our messages would go off after only one ring. I also discovered it’ll skip our messages if we hit the pound key as soon as it starts. There’s only one unfortunate problem with taking my phone off the hook. When I do that my Caller ID doesn’t work cuz it takes at least two rings, whether the ringer’s on or off to activate the Caller ID box. No numbers will appear on the screen. I never know when or who may call with a name and number I wish to know about. Unless they have a blocking option. I hope Ellie calls and has no blocking. After putting the note on her door I must keep my phone on the hook and answer after two rings. If you’re sitting right there looking at the box, you’ll see the number appear. If they’ve got blocks it’ll say, “private name - private number.” It says their name, the date, time of call, and the number. Sometimes it may not register, so it’ll say error. It also has a button on the bottom for English or Spanish.

I think (but I’m not sure) I hear the guy below me. I’ve been very lucky with him so far. He’s never home and is very quiet. Andi next door makes up for him. But I sure hope just the same he can’t hear me at night. I accidentally dropped a plate last night so I hope he’s a heavy sleeper or just doesn’t care. Yes, I definitely hear him now in his cabinets. The floors seem just as thin as the walls. I wonder if he heard the edits while I was recording them on Andy’s VM.

I wish I could get Andi’s number, as well as Rosemarie’s. But when I’m gone they’ll get mail.

Later…

I am shocked at how many people are at the pool today on a Monday. Quite a few. Stephanie, Tara and Linda were there along with others I’ve seen before but I can’t remember their names.

It is hot today at 85º. This feels so weird for it being February 8th and knowing Tammy’s cold back in CT.

I didn’t get too much color. It’s hard to keep up the patience to just lay there.

The mail’s either late or I didn’t get anything. Stephanie says there’s a new mailman.

I swept my patio and ditched my raft. There’s a hole in it somewhere and I’d like to get a bigger raft.

I left a message on Leanne and Julia’s machines.

I sure hope Tammy got that security guard job she wanted and that Scott’s meeting is going well. I spoke to him at 8:30 this morning. He said his meeting begins at 10:30 and probably won’t end till 7:30. I told him to leave a message if I don’t answer. Two people from his church are to be calling him tomorrow about taking over my lease.

Andy left a TV guide and some hair and skin care products outside my door. There were 4 tiny little bottles. There was shampoo, conditioner, bath or shower gel and lotion. That was nice.

Around 9:00 or so I left Ellie her note. At first, I thought she moved, as the table I flipped wasn’t there. Nothing was outside the door, but then I saw her through the sides of the blinds in her kitchen. I still haven’t gotten a call from her. I’m actually surprised she hasn’t called with her being the desperate Fran/Nervous type. We’ll see.

Later…

I am out on my patio now. It is gorgeous. I am beginning to get very very sleepy. Soon I must hit the sack. I will have some coffee then I’ll watch TV till I can no longer keep my eyes open. Writing is almost hypnotizing when you’re tired. Your eyes stare blankly at the paper while the pen flows and flows away.

What a huge patio I’ll have when I move. I’m gonna get a table so I can write a little easier. It’s a little awkward and uncomfortable writing with the book on my lap. It causes me to write sloppier, too. Plus, I’m so beat. The sun sure drains you. I feel as if I did get some color, yet I have no new, real distinct tan lines. I feel and look solid and muscular, but I have no problem with that. Especially for a girl of 90-something pounds who’s 4’ 11”.

I went to the office to get a stamp and Paula ended up chatting with me. She and Judy really are very nice. If Stacey were a staff member in some place like Valleyhead or Brattleboro, I’d pity those kids! Not that I don’t anyway, and there are definitely enough Staceys working in these places who don’t belong. Stacey would be a carbon copy of Donna A, her sister Margaret, and Barbara D.

I should go record my phone messages into my box now.

SUNDAY, MARCH 7, 1993
Yesterday was a shitty day. Two mornings ago, which would’ve been very early Saturday morning at 3 AM, I fell asleep. I had weird dreams and was wide awake an hour later. At 10:30 I began to get sleepy, but sure enough, the bitch next door began her slamming, ramming and banging. Sundays she’s out a lot, but is this bitch ever gonna sit still on a Saturday? How can a person make so much fucking noise while they’re cleaning? At 6:00 this morning I knocked really loud on the inside of my door. I’m sure that woke her up and she wondered whose door it was. Our doors are so close. I’m gonna knock even earlier this morning once an hour, and this bitch has to work tomorrow.

I finally fell asleep yesterday at 12:30 and then Andy fucking came in and shook me awake. I told him never to do that again unless I told him to. He may be coming down with another cold. I hope I don’t. An hour after he woke me up I fell back asleep till 9:30. I was beat.

I spoke with Scott who I may see tonight, but it depends on when and how long I sleep. I hope he’s got good news on a person taking over my lease. I also hope his meeting with the IRS Monday goes well and that I can type for him, move, then transfer to a better club.

If I can get up tonight no earlier than 3 AM, I may go during the day tomorrow to Sha Na Na’s.

Early yesterday morning I took a chance at Kara being home and she was. She said her trip to Vegas sucked. She and her girlfriend’s mother had it out and she says she’s running for her life. She even mentioned going back to Michigan to live. I told her it’ll blow over. This must really be serious for a tough girl like her to be intimidated.

Her sister Stacey was there and told Kara about dancing at Sha Na Na’s. She left, however, for the same reasons I’d like to transfer whether or not I’m moving. Bad publicity due to the raids, a lot of people resent Arabs and they also have way too many girls there. She’s now at the Ex-Caliber.

SATURDAY, MARCH 6, 1993
I am pissed! I fell asleep at 3:00 and I only slept an hour. Fuck that shit! All I know is that I was having weird dreams.

The proofs came out OK. Andy took me to my 7:30 appointment last night. The one I chose has me leaning on my side with my hair flowing down my side.

After that, he and I went to a restaurant called J.B.’s. It was so-so, but we really loved the Black-Eyed Pea.

I took an hour and 40 minutes to cut coupons for him. He was quite pleased.

He also gave me some blooper photos and also photos he doesn’t want. I’ll split them up between Kim, Bob, Fran and Nervous.

I spoke to Kim for 15 minutes before we left for Valley West Mall. She’s not as stable emotionally and financially as she’d like to be.

I’m gonna bitch out Sprint next Monday. They sent me a letter saying they need a $100 deposit. I’ve had their service now for a month and now they’re telling me this?! I’m gonna give them an ultimatum. To either go shove their $100 or I don’t want their service.

Later…

I’m still up and furious so I called Nervous. We had a nice talk about our lives in general.

I put the radio on the stereo softly since I don’t know if Andi or anyone else is gonna decide to rock the building. The true test will be this weekend, but so far, and with very much thanks to Mary, Andi’s been quieter. Also thanks to “Daryl’s” note. She’s been getting up quieter during the weekdays.

I hope I get enough sleep cuz I really want to work tonight. I was gonna wait till I heard from Scott, but I decided not to.

I made another big mistake with Andy. I gave him Scott’s number to his beeper about Scott fixing his VCR. With Scott’s permission, but that’s not the point. The point is, is that no matter how much Andy promises not to talk about me (other than just trivial and general stuff), he will. And the bulk of it will be negative shit about me or personal. I have no problem with telling friends my personal ups and downs, but from my mouth only, when I’m ready to and in the mood. They haven’t gotten together yet, but they’re bound to sooner or later.

Anyway, here are the names of some of the dancers where I work: René, Alex, Toni, Pearl, Diamond, Ruby, Brandy, Storm, Venus, Christine, Pebbles, Danya, Rena, Corey, Dawn, Dee Dee, Alicia, Donna, Dallas, Tracy, Susie, Crystal, Ronnie and that’s all I care to think of at the moment.

I really must try to hit the sack.

FRIDAY, MARCH 5, 1993
While I’m watching TV I’m gonna write. Tomorrow Andy and I are going to the mall where I’m going to pick out one of the 10 pictures that were taken of me.

I’m also gonna buy him a silk shirt which he wanted for his birthday.

Saturday night I’m probably gonna go to Sha Na Na’s. This way I can still have more income till I know when I’m gonna move for sure. After I move I’ll transfer.

I can’t wait to get into this gorgeous apartment!

THURSDAY, MARCH 4, 1993
Once again, I have so much updating to do. I mean, I am swamped with it, let alone with the other things I’m working on. I have a major project going on now with my journals. I have 4 little books which I don’t like and no longer want. Number 8 was mostly all phone numbers. I’ve gone and copied them into number 18. I took two of the big books I just got and in one of them, I copied the old number 10. I also numbered the new big one number 10. Then, I took one other big book and numbered it number 5. I’m now almost halfway through number 6. I threw out number 8, but when I have all 3 (5, 6 & 10) copied, I’m sending them to Fran.

I met the guy (Dave) who just moved in down below me. He seems nice and the great thing about it is that he’s never home just like Jeff. He also didn’t make too much noise the day he moved in which was the 1st.

I’m lucky in that area, but I finally reached my breaking point with Andi, the bitch next door. Ever since I turned her in and bitched cuz of the herd of kids, she’s been getting up real early very noisily, slamming and banging. She also shakes the building very early on the weekends. I spoke to Mary and asked her how she was dealing with the situation and she was pissed off too, and has had it herself with the bitch. She told me how she needs her rest on the weekends so she can be rested enough to handle the weekdays. I told her there was no way my bitching was gonna change things and that I knew this was all aimed at me cuz of the herd of kids I bitched out. Then, I realized that Mary could either fuel her further, as obviously, this bitch has a problem with getting complaints. Or she could make her realize her aiming her shit on me was affecting Mary who also has CP and get her to shut the fuck up. So, last Sunday Mary went up there and basically laid it out on the line. She told me she was nice about it and would be quieter, but we’ll see. Meanwhile, she fucked me out of work last weekend and that doesn’t set really well with me.

After I move I’m gonna take real good care of her. I’m gonna have Andy leave her notes on her door as well as possibly have Kara egg her patio or truck or do something messy.

Now to speak of Kara – well – who knows where she is? She’ll contact me sooner or later as she wouldn’t just drop completely out of my life, but I’m not sure if she’s in Vegas. If she said she went, then she did, but Laurie told me an interesting story. She said that she ran into Kara’s mother and she said she took all her stuff and split. I know her mother could be a bitch and that they didn’t always get along, but where could she or would she go?

Mary also took me food shopping the other day and she was up here for a visit and for me to give her a reading. I told her I had an 80% accuracy and she’s happy with that.

Later…

I almost forgot to mention one other thing about Andi next door. I totally disguised my handwriting and wrote her a note from “Daryl,” the guy who moved in next to Andy and behind her. It wrote: I recently moved in behind you in the front of the building. I realize you get up very early during the weekdays and I don’t get up till 9:00. Please try getting up quietly as well as early on the weekends.

She oughta love that.

Next Sunday I should know from Scott who’s gonna be taking over my lease and when, as well as if I can type for him. Well, I’ll find out about the typing Monday. I asked if I could type for him with or without the dancing for $600 a month. He said yes and that is what he pays his secretaries who are in Michigan, where he’s from. I have a plan that I hope I can follow, but like I said, I won’t know for sure till next Monday. I’ll explain why I won’t know till next Monday later, but here’s my plan. To quit Sha Na Na’s and type for him while I still live here. Why? For 3 reasons. One is cuz I never know if I can sleep without being woken up here during the day. It’s a 50/50 hit-or-miss deal. Two is cuz after I do move, I want to work at a club closer to where I’ll be living. Three is cuz I want to work at a classier club where I’ll make more money. I think there are two reasons why Sha Na Na’s doesn’t do too well. The publicity of the raids in their other clubs doesn’t help much. Also, Omar and Dave are Arabs and so many people hate them.

Steve said he’d still flat rate me $5, but I’d prefer a 5-10-minute ride to and from work, rather than a 20-25.

Also, there’s this classier club where Scott’s sort of seeing someone who’s working there. She’s making way more than I am. I’ve still been earning much much more than the average person, but not as much as I thought I’d be and that I know is possible. It’s possible to take home $100 or more after tip-out and that’s exactly what I want to do. On top of everything else, I still don’t think I’ll be dancing for too much longer anyway. Hopefully, real soon the music will be taking over. It’s a waiting game in the beginning just like Scott said, but once things begin, they should really roll. I always envisioned that once I got my foot in the door things would roll fast from there. And that I wouldn’t have to struggle for years and years. I still have to go through the steps just like everyone else, though. Scott’s word is very dependable about Bill T and he’s always come through on everything he’s told me so far. I guess I might start out backing up other big celebrities since you usually don’t start out on the front lines anyway.

When I was sick with the flu, Scott called me to tell me he’d just gotten out of the ER. He told me he saw 3 guys try to force a woman into their car and he stepped in using his martial arts, even though he did get banged up a bit. He managed to save the woman who’d call to thank him every two hours and the police were very pleased.

Then, also while I was sick, he came over with $100 of food! That was really very nice of him.

Later…

At 6:30 my time this morning I called Barbara at 8:30 her time. Marie was there too who also lives there, but we never spoke. I asked Barbara if she knew who I was. At first, she didn’t but then it hit her and she said, “Oh, you fucking asshole! I’ve been dealing with you since you left and at that time everything was fine.”

I asked her how life in CT was and she said she wished I were there so she could kick my ass and I just laughed. She also asked me why I sent Debbie shit and what I got against her. I told her that this coming June 15th I’d be there to take care of her. She asked if I was gonna bring my little buddies and then she just basically cussed me out telling me I should’ve died back when I was in the hospital, I don’t know how to be awake, all I know how to do is be up all night.

Andy’s right. After it’s all over is when you wish you’d taped it.

Well, now that I’m 110% sure I’ll never see the remaining ¾ of my picture collection my mom ditched, no matter what anyone says about it, I went and killed off the rest of my collection. I did hang onto a few pictures, but as I said before, I want all of my collection, not part of it. I know what Tammy and my dad would and wouldn’t do, but I also know how my mom operates. It’s totally her style to do something like this to me. One last chance to control and take away something she knows I love.

I don’t know if I wrote about Scott’s past at all yet, but I’ll just go through the whole story. Well, most people can’t remember exactly what they were doing on a certain day 6 months ago. Most people don’t keep journals like I do. He once had a couple million that his ex-wife fucked him completely out of. His ex and a detective framed him for arson which he never committed. While he was out of state getting a speeding ticket by the highway patrol, a house on his street was being lit on fire. Somehow his ex and this detective made it look like he did it and he ended up in jail for two years. Meanwhile, his dad got a letter about this ticket he never paid. He noticed it was at the same time this fire was lit and they gathered a successful appeal and he got out of prison. While in prison, his ex destroyed all his tax, business and work records from the businesses he owned as well as stole all his money. Right at this moment, he’s trying to gather all the proof he needs to show the IRS he did pay his taxes from 1986 to 1991. He has a meeting with them next Monday. I have a good vibe that the meeting will go well, but if it doesn’t I won’t be able to type for him this last month while I still live here and I’ll have to return to Sha Na Na’s. We’ll see. In the meantime, he knows 3 people from his church who are probably interested in taking over my lease if he can’t get his old roommate to take it. My lease isn’t up till June 31st, said Stacey, but there’s no way I’m gonna stay here till then.

Scott just moved into the same complex I’m going to be moving into. It’s a concrete structure, rather than a wooden one like this place is. It’s 10 minutes away from here in the very northern part of the city. Scott has a 2-bedroom which is about 930 square feet for $535 a month. He got a 2-bedroom in case he ever has his son Matthew with him. I saw the 2-bedroom model as well as a model of the 730 square foot 1-bedroom on the 3rd floor. Like here, I guess the 2-bedrooms go up to 2 floors and 1-bedrooms go to 3. Who knows about their studios?

The name of the complex is Crystal Creek. Andy will call it Crystal Creep or Crystal Crotch, no doubt. Scott says it’s very very quiet there. It has a lot of features - washer, dryer, free cable, big microwave, dishwasher, frost-free refrigerator, large walk-in closet, huge storage closet off of a huge private patio, French doors, vaulted ceilings, fireplace, lush landscaping with waterfalls and little wooden bridges you walk over, tons of cactuses and palm trees, 2 pools, 2 spas, covered parking, exercise room and courtesy patrol. All for $425 a month!

It’s gorgeous there and my address will be something like East Bell Rd. My phone number oughta be the same unless they don’t have this 589 exchange out there.

I told my family about this as well as about Capitol Records and they’re very very happy for me. I also hope to move by the 1st of April, or sooner.

Later…

As far as Velma’s concerned, I’m extremely disappointed and pissed off. Every now and then I am fooled by a person’s character. Other than when it comes to money, she’s a generous and friendly person. But obviously, when it comes to money, she’s a selfish, stingy little fuck. I gave her $60 to do my hair which never worked out right, as it doesn’t with everyone. She took it personally. I told her to grow up and realize that even though there are no guarantees, I want a partial refund. I should be happily compensated in some way. I told her to get me a straightening iron and I’d still be out some money cuz the thing will only cost $15 to $30 bucks. She doesn’t have to pay back the difference cuz she took 4 hours to do the procedure. She can keep the $15 I never should’ve given her for her birthday. She said we should do it over again, but no way. We’d just waste our time cuz if it didn’t work once it’s not gonna work a second time and my hair’s fried enough. So, obviously the selfish, stingy little shit can’t be that hard up for customers, cuz she could’ve kept me as a customer to do my bangs and I’d buy hair care products from her, too. So, unless she calls me to take my offer which is fair, I want nothing to do with her or people like her.

Later…

I haven’t heard from Celeste, nor do I want to for two reasons. One is that she’s into drugs, and the other’s that I think her husband Joe’s not gonna be able to keep out of it so easily. Their best bet is to get someone bi and who’s also on drugs or who doesn’t care about them being into drugs. In the end, though, I do appreciate their honesty. I want someone bi or gay where there’s mutual attraction. I also want someone who’s not committed to anyone, male or female, and who doesn’t want to be. Well, I just may possibly have that with two women I met at the club. They’re not other dancers, they came in as customers.

One’s name is Leanne, though her real name is Sarah. She’s bi and has been with 3 other women. She’s 23 and 6 feet tall with dyed, yet natural-looking blond hair and blue eyes. Her weight is just right. We’ve had some very nice talks on the phone, but haven’t gotten together yet. She’s been moving out of her own apartment and back in with her mom.

The second one is Julia Z and she’s a gorgeous Mexican, my favorite, and her hair’s even longer than mine! It’s thick, dark and curly. She’s 5 feet tall with dark eyes and she’s a little thinner than Leanne. I think she’s 23 too, but she’s never been with a woman before but has thought about it a lot. She called me once, but I don’t yet know when we’ll be getting together. Here’s the shocker about these girls. They don’t like butches, don’t do drugs, they find me attractive, and don’t want kids for the same reasons I don’t.

Andy got up next door very much less noisy. Gee! I wonder why?

Later…

I’m still awake and I wish I could be all day. It’s gonna be a beautiful day out and I want to go to the pool and get some color.

I forgot to mention that I called Omar to tell him I was putting him on hold and why. I explained my situation.

I also called Tammy and told her everything that’s been going on.

I hope that this Sunday Scott can get someone in here by the 15th.

Yesterday I called and spoke to a woman at Crystal Creek who said that if I moved in on the 15th, they could pro-rate my rent. Meaning, I’d pay half a month.

Andy’s got the day off so he’ll probably go apartment hunting again today like he did yesterday. He doesn’t think I’ll have sex with Leanne or Julia cuz either they’ll cancel or I’ll chicken out. No, I definitely won’t chicken out knowing they’re attractive and after speaking to them. If we don’t get together, it’ll be due to a problem on their end only.

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Last updated June 08, 2024