August 1989 in 1980s

THURSDAY, AUGUST 31, 1989
I was very depressed earlier, but a half-hour or so after I took my meds, my mood cheered up and became more positive.

Andy came over at 1:30, and by 2:00 he was passed out on my couch and still is. Guess he’s been exhausted and I am too, but can’t sleep yet.

I am going back to CC, so it looks like. Both Osborne and HDMHC recommended I go there cuz they have more to offer, but I hope CC doesn’t pull this daycare shit on me. I just want weekly therapy with a decent female therapist and a decent shrink like Moshiri.

I really hope I’m in school at least 3 days a week and that that won’t interfere with CC or my allergy shots or anything else I ever need to do. I don’t think the school opens, though, till mid or late afternoon which is great, but I hope if I get in that I won’t be leaving at night. If I do, I hope I can get a ride from someone and give them gas money.

Tomorrow I’ve got to call Fernandez to let him know I’ve decided to have the blood testing which is safer than the other kind they do, and once again discuss Medicare with them who says they cover 80% of the $450 it’ll cost, so I’ll only have to pay $90. Mom’s gonna be sending a check for $100.

Part of me still wishes I was working at Denny’s for the extra money, but doing what I love to do and having therapy and shots are more important right now. The job had a lot of hassles and stress that were both worth it and not worth it.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 29, 1989
I am speaking on the phone right now with Nervous. Andy and I were talking earlier, but he’s not home now. He mentioned going to pick up Roger at work, who is a major druggie, but he and Andy have known each other for a while cuz they worked together the last time Andy worked at Denny’s.

Linda popped over earlier just as I was getting out of the shower. She had handcuffs with her and says she’s going to train to be a cop which she’d definitely be good at, and I joked with her about arresting me for prank calls.

I am one bored motherfucker since I’m not working, and even though I was wrongly fired, I still feel like a complete failure and a useless piece of shit, and I wonder where my life is leading to?

I’d better fucking get into music school!

MONDAY, AUGUST 28, 1989
Well, last night I was very cruelly and very wrongfully fired by Crosby and even Andy’s pissed at him for what Crosby did to us before, and wants me to tell Demeter the facts or go to the Labor Board if that doesn’t work, but I’m not gonna even bother. They’re not worth the bother and I’d rather try getting into that music school I forgot to mention. Hopefully, I can get in on some kind of grant or scholarship.

It’s at the Springfield Community School of Music which is great so I won’t have to take math or English or any other general bullshit which is required at Holyoke Community College. Hopefully, I can major in voice and take piano and guitar, too. I don’t know how it works there but I’m going there on Sept. 5th for enrollment. If I get the financial aid I sure as hell hope they don’t fuck me up like they did at La Baron. But if I get in, I’ll be doing what I love to do rather than hair and nails which I only care to do for friends, family and myself. I only hope they don’t try to say they can’t accept me cuz of my allergies and asthma.

Speaking of that, Fernandez gave me another antibiotic called Amoxicillin which is helping quite well with no bad side effects. Also, I must have shots for 2-3 years but it’s worth it to end this misery so I can be healthy and sing well. Of course, I still wish I could quit smoking and know it’d help tremendously but I’m not gonna quit for a while if ever. I guess I’ll just have to die 20 years younger with cancer or emphysema or a heart attack cuz I like to smoke and I need to smoke for now.

Right now I’m listening to a tape of me talking to Nervous. Yesterday I had Nervous buy me 6 90-minute tapes for phone call recording, and once they’re all completed, me and Andy are gonna edit them, taking only the best parts.

Gloria’s birthday is coming up sometime next week but I’m not sure of the exact date. I forgot. She’ll be 32, though.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 24, 1989
I had a really fun evening and the only thing in the way was my usual allergies and just feeling slightly drained from not eating too well lately due to feeling so miserable. Tomorrow I’m going to see Fernandez and we’ll see if I get anywhere with him.

Before Fernandez, Andy’s gonna take me to Saratoga Drug to get my $67 in food stamps and then bring me to the doctor. After that, I’ll go straight to Food Fart.

I’ve got to call and tell SS right away, which I keep forgetting now that I’m working.

Tomorrow Nervous is gonna make a $90 deposit which I’ll have around $653 in the bank and soon my $502.39 and more tips and paychecks.

Speaking about my fun evening, well, Nervous brought me a phone recorder from Radio Shack where you can record phone calls. There’s a little suction cup you place on the headset of the phone with a small black cord and the other end of it goes into the mike jack on a tape recorder. It wouldn’t work on my box cuz the jack was too big. This one is 1/8” so I had to get back from Nervous the tape recorder I gave him a couple of years ago. Hopefully, he’ll get himself a new box soon so he can play all his tapes. I’ve really gotten him into music. He’s hooked on Joan Baez and I’m making him more tapes of Gloria and the Judds music.

So, anyway, we recorded some crosses we made with these two confused black chicks and a few other people. Me, Andy and Nervous were all over here and Fran was at his place. It was funny as all hell cuz these people thought the lines were really crossed!

Notes that Andy and Nervous wrote and that only I could understand:

Listen, I don’t mean to sound like Chin Fatt Kong but I hope you won’t kill me for writing in your book. I just wanted to write and say I love you! You know I really, really do! Love, Andy

To Jodi - You, my very talented young friend, will make it big in the music business some day maybe even sooner than you think. Love You, Kevin

TUESDAY, AUGUST 22, 1989
So much has happened since I last wrote which was quite a while ago. Sometimes I can’t get in the mood to write. Starting with when we took Nervous to the beach which was the last time we were there, which was hilarious as all hell. Well, after we left Ho Jo’s we told him to wait outside so we wouldn’t be caught with him and have to pay extra, we took off without him and then when we finally came back to get him, he was in a pickup truck with this guy Andy thought was a hunk, and was about to get a ride to the beach. So then later on after we left the beach, in which Tammy was in her usual pissy mood and Lisa looked really upset (Becky’s too young to catch on yet), we dumped him several times and made him walk up the street where we’d drive up to. We stopped at a pizza place, and then afterward, did the same thing. The guy is a major sucker! You should see the way he stared at my body the night before in the hotel. All I wore was a thin see-through half-shirt and underpants.

Work was hectic last night but I made $60. Today pervert Nervous is making a $122.75 deposit and also getting me wrappers for quarters, nickels and dimes. This week’s paycheck will be bigger cuz of my raise and next week’s will be even bigger cuz it’s for 4 days.

I met another referral from the service named Eunice, which of course was a major turn-off. She was pitifully ugly and seemed very stuck up. The guy she brought with her, who was also gay, was better looking than she was. We all went to a fair and she basically ignored me the whole time. She was rude and butchy looking, but that’s typical of what God sends my way. I was far from upset by it, though, cuz I knew it was coming.

My allergies still drive me nuts and probably will continue to for a year or so cuz that’s how long it’ll take to get rid of the dander. Eggs and cheese I am definitely allergic to for damn sure.

Otherwise, things have been ok. Had a couple of lousy days, but life’s never perfect and I’m only human. I had a good talk with this new guy, Dick, on 2nd shift, then with Tom on the graveyard shift at PCS (Psychiatric Crisis Services).

I am trying to get into Hamden District Mental Health Center here on Pine St., but I’m still waiting to hear from them for an intake. CC is out of the question. They despise me and will never return any of my phone calls and just to get even and say “fuck off” they sent me a bill I don’t even owe.

Thursday at 2:15, I’ve got to see Fernandez again for x-rays and to figure out what to do about my infection. The antibiotic (Augmentin) he gave me was too strong and I got wicked bad dry heaves.

MONDAY, AUGUST 14, 1989
Believe it or not, we’re on our way back from the beach and we took Nervous which we’ll never do again. It was more fun to rank on him over the phone and ring up his bill. We were gonna dump him off but after a half-hour or so we went back and got him. He didn’t misbehave all that badly, he was just a little hyper of course. He sure as hell was our slave and it was so funny. The guy’s a major sucker.

Andy says, “I wish I had a sucker like him to use and rank on.”

We have so much fun antagonizing him.

As far as a sunny day at the beach - ha! It’s raining and cloudy.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 11, 1989
Life has really changed for me since the last time I wrote. Well, I finally decided to see Mario Fernandez, an allergist, and end this misery once and for all. Fernandez showed me an article saying that skin puncturing is not accurate for sure, and that it is not impossible to test for cat dander like Walker had said, and that testing by blood was better. But it costs $425 and my insurance won’t cover it, but I knew that in order to get a good doctor, I’d have to pay, rather than see a quack who accepts Medicaid. Medicare pays for the shots, but not the blood testing. I think I can avoid shots in the end. The doctor said I have 4 choices. The first one is to take Seldane and not have Sasha, and of course, he wants me to quit smoking. If that doesn’t work, the second step is shots, the third is freezing my nose to bring down the swelling, and the fourth is straightening my nose cuz it’s slightly crooked.

Yesterday his nurse called me and said that when he took my cultures from my nose they found an infection so yesterday I started both the Seldane and an antibiotic and already I feel a difference! I think I’m gonna be able to avoid the last 3 steps. I’m gonna be singing real soon like never before and Ma feels I can do without shots, too.

When I told Andy he said, “I wonder how long this infection’s been going on?”

A long, long time, and cuz I put off dealing with it, it spread throughout my whole body for many, many months.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 5, 1989
The beach went sucky. I was nothing but a bitch to Andy and did nothing but complain and be negative. I don’t think we’re gonna be friends much longer, and this is what I mean by how I lose decent people. I’m really only good right now for other mental cases that do nothing but complain and talk negatively.

I thought I had learned to keep my problems to myself and my fears inside so I don’t burden anyone or bring anyone down with me, but then I had to fuck it all up at the beach. I’ve learned that no one can cheer a person up and that that person has to cheer themselves up only. I’ve also learned that talking about your problems only depresses people and brings them down with you and it’s gonna be very embarrassing to have to face Andy on Sunday night the next time I work. I don’t want to quit the job, though, and of course, I don’t want to end our friendship, but I feel it’s best to cuz it’s only gonna end someday by him. I haven’t spoken to him since Thursday night and I’m really proud that I haven’t called him. Makes me feel stronger. Talking to him is gonna do absolutely no good and if I want this friendship to continue I’m gonna basically have to kiss his ass and be in a good mood all the time and always talk positively all the time.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 3, 1989
Well, I just had the grandest time calling people and billing the calls to Nervous, since the asshole won’t answer his phone. He’s got it unplugged for sure. What took him so long to pick up the hint of what we were up to? He probably won’t plug it in till tomorrow, or this morning, I should say, at around 7:00 when he goes to call his mommy.

I made a call to Fran, but as usual, he wasn’t there. He’s probably at Bobbie’s. I also called Ann and Harry B, my foster parents from when I was 16 but gave them the silent treatment. They were great foster parents. It’s just that they’ve ignored me ever since I left them. Makes me feel a bit slighted.

I’ve tried several times to wake up Andy, but it ain’t doing any damn good so I guess I’ll try to sleep myself for a few hours. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it beach time, but since I can’t, I better sleep or else I’ll be dead tired.

Later…

Can you believe this fucking shit! I still can’t sleep. I haven’t been sleeping much lately. Either I sleep too much or hardly at all. I’m on such a screwy schedule. I gotta start eating and sleeping right and why the fuck did I ever have to start smoking again after 3 fucking days of quitting! I’m so pissed! I’m so short of breath and all stuffed up and my singing sucks, and I still don’t know for sure if it’s mostly smoking and maybe also allergies too, or what. This definitely is not caused by Sasha and I want her back! It’s a curse from God! I’m so fucking wound up and one pissed-off motherfucker!!!

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 2, 1989
After work this morning Andy fell asleep till almost 1:00 so we didn’t arrive here till almost 2:30. I was exhausted, so shortly after we got here I fell asleep. I only slept 2 or 3 hours though.

I called Tammy who I’m gonna see tomorrow along with Lisa and Becky. She’s gonna make me that big gold chain.

We called Nervous and kept the sucker on the line for ages. He’s not answering now so he probably got smart and unplugged his phone.

We went to this really fancy restaurant and the bill came to $40. Theresa T was working there. We knew her when we were kids at the beach. Her mom died. Both her parents are gone now and she’s only 21. She looks just as pretty as she did as a little girl.

Andy’s sleeping now. I just finished listening to music and we’re supposed to go to the beach and climb our rocks, but I don’t know whether to let him sleep or wake him up. I’ll give him a little more time. He’s no doubt exhausted even though he slept this morning. We both didn’t get enough hours of sleep. It ain’t easy working the graveyard while trying to remain active in the daytime. I guess I’ll lay down myself for a little while, and I hope Nervous answers his phone later, the little sucker!

This room we’re in is so small. I like Ho Jo’s much better and so does Andy.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 1, 1989
Work was a bitch last night cuz fucking Guy and Rob just don’t know what the fuck they’re doing as cooks. They had 10,000 orders and some people waited for a half-hour for their food. I wish there were more cooks like Jayke.

Jayke and I definitely have to get together sometime soon.

This woman cop who came in last night was so nice and so attractive.

I tried my best to go to sleep and I can’t. Probably cuz I slept so much the last two days and I’m very hyped up.

I got my shopping done and Jessie’s coming over later. Tomorrow, after another fun night at Denny’s, Andy and I are going to the beach. I hope to hell I get more color. It’s already August.

Last updated June 06, 2024