May 2022 in 2020-2024

TUESDAY, MAY 31, 2022
Getting my hair trimmed in a couple of hours.

Two days ago I was woken up by a random power failure and last night it was a thunderstorm. The power only went off for a second, but it was enough for me to notice the change in sound when my nature sounds stopped along with the air cleaner and fan that was running.

We had a 5-hour storm last night but it didn’t wake me up until 3 hours into it. Tom said the thunder was a 9 on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m sure something will wake me up tonight too. The thing is that yesterday I was exhausted all day and today I’m not, even though my sleep was broken up and I had to take Benadryl for the first time in ages to get back to sleep. If I didn’t have an appointment tomorrow, I wouldn’t have bothered. But it’s on the bathroom counter, ready for tonight’s wake-up call, whatever it will be…power failures, thunder, nightmares.

Finally finished my 310-mile trip in Austria. Didn’t quite get the 5000 coins I thought I would get for it, but close. I’m in Budapest now and then I’ll create the ride from Salzburg to Munich.

As for the mutt down the street, I thought I heard a couple of barks yesterday. I heard several loud barks today and then Tom heard someone yell at it. He couldn’t tell who it was or what they said with his shitty hearing.

It irritates me that Tom threw away $25 on the horses over the weekend. How much more will he have to lose to see that it’s just a dream? They’re never gonna be consistent. Not in a big way. Not in a small way. If we ever want or really need extra money, he’s going to have to work.

I’m tempted to try powder nail dip, but again, we need to save money. It’s just that Jessie brought it up yesterday and it looks like it may be a really fun thing to try. Pretty sure we still have the UV light somewhere. She got a couple of dips from her niece but says she doesn’t know how to do it. I looked at a tutorial and it seems pretty straightforward enough.

SUNDAY, MAY 29, 2022
Oh, Michelle, you just don’t give up, do you? Yeah, I’ve gotten to know some of my regular callers that call from different numbers. Michelle starts off by saying, “Hi, how are you doing? This is Michelle… Blah blah blah.” I don’t remember exactly which scam she’s running. Either the college one or the IRS scam. Or maybe the one where they offer you money as a “break” if you don’t meet a ridiculously high annual income.

Out of curiosity, I was reading the different abortion laws in various countries. Looks like a lot of the Scandinavian countries give free abortions on demand. Then you have some Latin countries that won’t abort under any circumstances, not even if the mother’s life is in danger. It makes me shudder to think there are some countries that would let a woman die despite being totally preventable. These religious zealots and their delusions are affecting so many people in such a negative way. This month will be the first time the Supreme Court will actually scale back on human rights rather than extend them. Pretty fucked up if you ask me.

I heard half a dozen or so barks around 9 yesterday morning but nothing after that. That’s probably only because I wasn’t in the front of the house after noon. The more I think about it, the more I doubt they contacted him about the barking because I didn’t go to the office. It could also be a numbers thing too. Maybe they require two or more complaints before they do anything about barking. If I continue to hear it, it could be that Steve and his wife simply don’t give a damn but even more likely is that the office never said anything to them.

I asked him what he considered too much barking and he said more than five minutes more than three times. Lol, a single bark twice a day is about all I can handle.

He lost $10 yesterday with the horses. He’s dreaming, I tell you, he’s dreaming. Just like he was in Oregon.

FRIDAY, MAY 27, 2022
I’m tired today. Not even coffee or a banana gave me energy. I’m always tired when I’m up for 18 hours the night before. Or in this case, the day before.

Five 88s a week begins! I just hope it doesn’t drive my HR up. I’ve noticed it’s been elevated a little bit this last week or so. Tom says that happens to him at times too. Well, I sure as hell hope it’s not connected because if it is, there’s no way I’ll be able to handle increasing my dose that much more.

Pretty sure that the lobster bites were what raised my HR yesterday. I noticed this the two times I had them, so there’s some ingredient in them that causes my heart to do that. This body just doesn’t like processed food anymore! I’ll be all-natural today, except for the coffee I had and the candy bar coming later. I’m going to make myself the last pork chop and then the potato hash as well with chickpeas and assorted veggies. That one’s a bitch to make, but worth it.

I checked in with Galileo and asked them if it’s true that thyroids continue to die off until they’re completely dead. This fatigue does feel like thyroid fatigue. I slept 8 hours and got a sleep score of 90. I shouldn’t be this tired regardless of being up a long time yesterday. I’ll increase my waiting time once again before I have my coffee.

I did hear from Jess who has, understandably, been busy. As far back as we go, I find it hard to believe she would suddenly decide not to bother with me, even though I learned a long time ago that anything is possible. I asked Tom his opinion as to whether or not it would be someone else’s fault if they decided not to have anything to do with me because of something I shared with them, or if it would be mine for telling them in the first place, and he believes it would be no one’s fault. It wouldn’t be their fault because they have a right to move on if that’s what they chose to do, and it wouldn’t be my fault because I have a right to be myself. Make sense to me!

In the midst of my cooking and cleaning, I hope to complete my Austria ride in the next few days. Eventually, I may do a trip from Munich to Salzberg so that I can see what Nane likely saw when she took the bus down to visit Irene one last time. This trip would only be 72 miles and not 311.

THURSDAY, MAY 26, 2022
If Tor wasn’t so slow, I might be tempted to use it because I think that Google and Facebook are mostly responsible for most of the spam emails/calls we get. They do say that there are no guarantees you remain anonymous but I’m not trying to hide from our provider so that wouldn’t matter. It’s Google and Facebook that are the problem. I don’t care if they target ads based on my searches and stuff like that, it’s the spam, texts, and calls I could do without. Every time it seems to taper off, I get hit with a new wave. As everyone knows, we have the least privacy with Facebook and Google. They’re the ones sharing most of our info.

I did use Tor for something else. I’m finally fed up enough with Steve’s mutt to complain. I put in the word “anonymous” for both first and last names and I used a 10-minute email that expires. I told them that the reason I did this was that I didn’t want the slightest chance of it getting back to them that I was the one who complained because you never know how people may react. I also made it clear that I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble and that it wasn’t like the dog barked for hours on end, but I went from rarely hearing barking here to hearing it multiple times a day, and it’s gotten old.

Really hope to hell Steve doesn’t ask us if we complained If they talk to him about it and I realized there’s a chance that they might not. My message could fall into their spam box for all I know, and they may not do anything without me coming down in person to write out a complaint as was the case in the other park. Even talking to the office over the phone wasn’t enough there. I would have preferred to not use the words “I” or “we” but I had to use one of them. I decided on “I” because I don’t think Tom minds barking. It would have to be really loud and practically round the clock before he got annoyed. I hope they don’t think I’m Toni. Even more, I hope they don’t figure out that the complaint came from this household, despite using Tor and no legit contact info. I made sure to send a piece of my mind after we left Lakeview both to their site and to Joy on Messenger so that there would be a higher chance of someone catching it. The lack of response confirms that, yes, Joy was friends with the Beckers and she was pissed that I complained on them and she did spite me because of it. Wouldn’t you defend yourself if you were innocent and say something to the effect of how she was sorry I didn’t like it but that my complaint had nothing to do with her countercomplaint? So again, I just can’t know what kinds of connections people may have.

It really pisses me the fuck off. I can no longer use the living room in the daytime without being likely to hear the damn thing and I don’t even know that having fans and air cleaners going will drown it out. It’s pretty loud when it’s in front of the house. I could hear it shut up in the bathroom in back of the house the other day. Again, why is it that within six months to a year of moving someplace, it gets noisier? Why does this always, always happen to me?

I’m not gonna tell Tom about the complaint unless he finds out about it by reading this or some other way. I know that if I tell him, his paranoid side is only going to go into immediate overdrive. Why worry him until and unless something arises from it? I’m not gonna lie to him either. If Steve mentions the complaint and he tells me about it, I’ll speak up then. For now, the question is whether or not the complaint will even get back to Steve in the first place and how effective it will be if it does.

When I went to look for Dixie cups I was like, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me! $8 for 40 cups? Yes, they last a long time, but I would rather just use droppers when doing my ear.

This inflation better stop soon, or else they better do something. I know some people are getting raises, but what about those of us on Social Security? What are they going to do? Put half the country on welfare?

I’m going to continue not to worry too much about controlling my weight with my elevated TSH, but I’m still going to eventually try to set a goal of one potato hash a day (with chickpeas & veggies), which is 3 eats, and then a meat and veggie meal. This would total 4 eats and it would be about 1200 calories or slightly more. Too much for me to lose weight on normal TSH or not, but should prevent gaining. Can’t cut out my coffee and I don’t want to cut the bananas, but I’ll definitely cut back on nuts and wine. I’ll only allow myself one small candy bar a week. This means that the only expensive item I’ll be getting will be fish. I’ll have an occasional yogurt too. The Mediterranean diet isn’t big on yogurt. So the one piece of meat I have a day and the cheese I sprinkle on top of the potato hash will be the only things with cholesterol.

I was surprised to receive a voice message from the dentist at this time, knowing that I’m not due for my next cleaning until October. Why does everyone have to call me when I’m on nights? Anyway, all she said was that she was calling about “outstanding treatment.” Tom says we’re completely paid up, so we’re guessing they just want to drum up some more business. Maybe I should go in sooner and get the crown taken care of and find out for sure whether or not I have a cavity. I just hate to have appointments during the storm season.

I’ve been watching Manifest. Haven’t had to hear about race, but it’s still too married with children/single without. They’re willing to hire actresses that aren’t as pretty to reflect a more realistic view of people’s appearance, but not a more realistic view of modern lifestyles?

Never heard from Jessie yesterday, and of course I never heard from Andy after I sent him a 28-second video clip of me playing tennis in VR because it’s not an interest of his. Can’t help but compare him to Aly. She would have at least said something like, “I’m glad you like it.”

Well, I at least like it in VR. Never had any interest in it in real life.

I’m glad Tom accidentally discovered that the thumbstick moves you around the court since I don’t have enough room to run back and forth for the ball.

I also discovered a free app called Liminal. It has all kinds of sounds, colors, and effects that are said to influence mood. It’s a different kind of meditation.

I got the best lotion applicator for my back yet. Instead of those horrible rollerballs that would get stuck, it’s a piece of dense foam on a stick, sort of like a bath brush. It works great and doesn’t absorb the lotion. Not that he complained, but I’ll never have to bug Tom again to lotion up my back!

I really hope the only reason I haven’t heard from Jessie is that she’s busy with her new job. She did say that someone close to her did get in an accident and then got sick afterward. The thing is that I told her that was one scenario that ran through my mind. She said that was “so creepy” because that actually happened. I told her to just let me know if she was spooked by psychics and wanted me to keep things that came to me when I was awake or in dreams to myself and that I gladly would. She read my messages but she didn’t take the time to reply. She doesn’t always reply right away and that’s fine but if she had time to be on Facebook as often as she was yesterday why couldn’t she make a quick reply?

Again I just hope she’s busy with her new job and this doesn’t have anything to do with me divulging what happened in Arizona. I’m probably just being paranoid because I’ve been dumped so many times in my life but on the off chance that she’s pulling away because of it, whose fault is it? I was always taught that those who are true friends accept you as you are. So would it be her fault because she couldn’t accept me as I was? Or would it be mine because I could have kept my mouth shut in the first place?

WEDNESDAY, MAY 25, 2022
Oh, what fun it is to screw up cooking. Yes, that was said with sarcasm. I put too much onion in my veggie soup, so that was a bust. Then I used the tenderizer after I seasoned it and before I remembered that I now have one. I hope I didn’t wake him up beating the shit out of it. You don’t really have to hit it that hard. It seemed to flatten it a bit.

Because these are thick pork chops, you’re supposed to sear them in an oven-safe skillet for two minutes on each side. I’ve been meaning to get one of those, so I finally put one in the cart. It was the cheapest one I could find that still had good reviews and was a best seller.

For now, I had to improvise by searing the chop and then transferring it to a cookie sheet. There it was baked at 400 degrees for 10 minutes on each side. I don’t know if I could call it tender. It was a little dry. But I liked how the edges were seared crispy and it tasted good. It was like it was straight off the grill.

The grass is continuing to thrive. The park used the sit-down mower again and they had no problems mowing it. No clumps came up or anything like that. The side yard still looks a bit brown due to the lack of rain, but it’s starting to green up a little bit as we slowly ease back into the storm season.

Anyway, between cooking, cleaning, and other things, I’ve been having trouble focusing, but I guess that’s just how I’ve always been. I get distracted and sidetracked easily. It’s hard for me to focus on one thing at a time and stick with it. I always seem to jump around. This is my fifth attempt just to finish this journal entry. I always remember something else I want to do or want to check on.

Jessie is getting annoying because first she told me that what was going on that was so crazy was “so bad.” Today all she said was that the state of Florida called her. I asked why, wondering if it was for jury duty. Then she said, “I got a job” and that was it. She never elaborated on what was “so bad.” I hate it when people do that and go talking in riddles without explaining what they mean. You can’t be that vague and expect people to magically understand. I’m just not that psychic. My mind was all over the place from a problem with the house or contractors to her getting a bad medical diagnosis or someone close to her getting sick or in an accident.

Steve is still pissing me off with the dog, even though it’s gotten better…I think. I miss the days when I rarely heard barking. For now, just like at the old place, I hear it every single fucking day. Yes, it’s only a few barks at a time, but still, I don’t want to hear it at all. Why do people do this to me every single place I live and annoy me with their dogs? Other people’s dogs have been an issue for me for decades. Is something trying to tell me something? Like to get a dog of my own? Would one really make a good pet for me? I would worry about it barking while I was sleeping, so I don’t know. It would have been easy to keep away from the bedroom in the other place, but not this place. It’s still a possibility, but first I want to make sure that yes, we are going to remain in Florida.

I use my outer office from 8:00 PM to 8:00 AM. Even with Steve out of the picture, this way, I’m less distracted by little sounds.

Looks like book sales are tapering off. I didn’t even manage to bleed $25 out of them this time around. Kind of insulting, but I knew I was never meant to make money. Some things are in our cards and some aren’t.

TUESDAY, MAY 24, 2022
I forgot to mention that the power flickered off for a second the last time there was a storm. I heard the distant rumbling of thunder a little while ago. I just hope I don’t get woken up before my appointment! I like that my regular dental exams are in the spring and the fall so that they’re before and after storm season. I just hope I don’t have to go in sooner if I continue having that feeling of having a cavity. She told her assistant to put a watch on one of the teeth and called out the number for her to put in their system. Wish I knew what that number was so I could look it up. I’m a little worried because it seems close to my bridge. If I needed a new bridge, that would be an astronomical expense!

Still feel good, both physically and emotionally. Just getting these weird waves of lightheadedness at times. I’m guessing that’s because my ear needs to be done.

The new AC is doing a great job of keeping it dry in here since it’s deathly humid outside. Glad we’re not in NorCal now! The heatwaves and fire warnings have already begun. I can just imagine what kind of heatwaves and fires are to come over the summer!

Mia’s free gift this week was a watch. Like, who cares?

I’m a little worried about Jessie now. Yesterday she told me it was a crazy day there and that she would catch up on messages later. I told her no problem and that I hoped it wasn’t crazy in a bad way. Today I got up to find a message from her saying “So bad.”

I’m guessing it must have to do with the contractors working on her house, or maybe one of her pets.

I told her about “Operation Desert Shitstorm.” When I feel like I trust a person enough to tell them about it, it’s good to tell them because then I can confirm just how true of a friend they are.

I wonder why her daughter has her maiden name. I thought she had her with her husband after they were married.

I’m frustrated with VZ’s latest problem. They don’t seem to get it or know what to do about it. I’m actually wondering if it could be on Google’s end. Comfort Mode just doesn’t move as smoothly as it used to. I have to use Flatten Mode. I feel like Flatten may have even more distortion, though. The thing is that after switching to Flatten, I can’t get back to Comfort. Well, I can get back to it; it just doesn’t work right. I’m getting these slow herky-jerky movements if I can even move at all.

Discovered a really cool tennis demo. Who would have ever thought back when I was all alone in the ’80s and didn’t have much more to do other than read, write, make prank phone calls and struggle financially that I would one day be able to play miniature golf, tennis, and all kinds of other games from the comfort of my home and have it feel as if I’m literally there.

Didn’t hear anything yesterday, but today he heard one or two barks before I got up, and I heard a couple of barks afterward. I hate the thought of having to live with this thing for God knows how many years.

SUNDAY, MAY 22, 2022
Worried I may have a cavity brewing. I sure hope not! We’ve had enough dental expenses and I’ve got more coming up when I get my crown.

I’m tired today although I don’t know why. I thought I slept pretty well and I got a better score too. Yet it’s like when I was getting tired for no reason for most of last year. Makes me wonder if my thyroid is dying off some more.

We had a really nice storm for most of the day and night yesterday. There were a couple of really loud claps of thunder, so I was glad I was awake at the time.

Mia is now on level 100!

Later…

Storm season has officially begun! Today’s storm came with perfect timing and waited until after I got up. Before it started, it was so quiet that I could literally hear next door’s AC running. They also have one of their bathroom windows open a bit and I wonder if they forgot to close it and turn the AC off before they left, or at least turn it up higher. The thing has to be set lower than 77 because I heard it turn off and then back on before ours came on which was set to 77 at the moment.

Someone must be using Aly’s Fitbit. I stumbled into her Fitbit account from mine and noticed that there’s been activity after she died.

FRIDAY, MAY 20, 2022
Oklahoma is now officially sicker than Texas. They won’t even give you six weeks. In OK, any fertilized egg at any stage is considered a “life.” So what if it doesn’t have a brain or pain receptors? snorts with disgust You know, I just don’t understand how women could have a “guaranteed” constitutional right for half a century and suddenly it’s not OK anymore.

I once asked Tom if he thought I should bother editing typos out of old journals and he said no, leave them as they were written. I think I’m gonna take his advice. Why slave over something for so long and do all that work for free for something that may never be read in the future? I still may tinker with it a bit, but I get that you can’t possibly have thousands and thousands of pages of writing and not expect to have a few typos here and there.

I’ve set the final dates for my journal and a few stories to be published in 2045 on Blogger. I just don’t think we’re gonna be around in 23 years and if we are, we’re not going to have much time left. Chances are very slim of any legal trouble arising from anything I publish, and if there is, it isn’t the kick-your-door-in-and-arrest-you kind of trouble but the send-you-a-subpoena-that-you-ignore kind of trouble. I don’t care if the story of my life as I knew it offends or hurts anyone’s feelings, nor do I care what any laws say. If I have something to say, I’m going to say it. There are no direct threats or sensitive info that I’ve shared in any way, and that’s good enough for me. No one is ever forced to read my stuff.

Had fun with the Wander app again last night. I went to my first childhood home and took pictures to show Tom. Plus, my grandparents’ place next door. Mostly I had fun going to random locations. Some of them were pretty obvious, like the ancient ruins of Peru as well as the desert areas in Arizona and Mexico.

At one point I landed in an empty house in what I’m guessing was some Asian country because of the way there was Asian writing on a sticker on the side of the kitchen counter. It was a cool-looking place. It was fun to explore and like breaking and entering without actually breaking and entering.

Managed to sleep through some thunder today. On a scale of 1 to 10, Tom said it was a 7, and this is coming from a guy who’s half deaf. The real test comes in a couple of months.

Got one of my worst sleep scores in a while of only 78. I kept waking up a lot. It was probably the wine I had. That’s going to be eliminated again for a while as soon as I get ready in 10 days or so to make the next dose increase. My mother showed up in my dreams again too. It was a weird dream because she lived in a house by herself somewhere and I lived within walking distance of the place. I have no idea what state this was in or who got there first, but I was walking by her place one day. I hadn’t seen her in a while. She was indoors, but I spotted a young woman and a young guy in her front yard. I figured the young woman that was sitting on a bench was the housekeeper and the guy was fixing something. It frustrated me and I even felt a little hurt that she included me in so little of her life that I didn’t know who they were.

Then the dream jumped forward in time a little bit. After walking to wherever I was going, I was walking back when I saw my mother getting something out of her car. I walked up to her holding what looked like a small raft in front of my face. All she could see were my eyes. At first, she didn’t know who I was, and then she said my name. I uncovered my face with a giggle. She seemed to have mixed emotions about me being there. She gave me a quick kiss seemingly out of obligation. I didn’t return the affection. Instead, I pointed to a long round metal tank in her yard and asked her what it was for. She mumbled something, and then I was on my way home.

THURSDAY, MAY 19, 2022
Looked at the high-low temperature differences between this place and the old place. Where they’re 90s/50s, we’re 80s/70s. Much more comfortable here, even though it’s gotten a bit humid. I hated those high fluctuations between night and day.

Tom really nailed it when picking out new blinds for the lanai. Instead of real bamboo reeds, they’re white plastic but look so much better. You can see through them easier and they let in more light, yet you still have privacy. I wouldn’t want them for a bathroom or a bedroom, though. We still don’t expect to use that room very often. After the windows are done we’ll do the floor. We’ll probably just put down foam tiles.

One of the fitted sheets is coarse and pilling, so I decided to replace it, but instead of getting cotton or microfiber, I’m getting a satin sheet.

I’ll be seeing a male ENT in Port Richey on the first.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 18, 2022
They’re expecting a wave of violence across the country when abortion is officially criminalized. I wouldn’t expect much for this. Most of the violence is race-related. If there is, it will be pointless since it wouldn’t be directed at the people who deserve the violence. I would absolutely love for someone to beat the shit out of or even kill some of these – I hate to call them justices because there’s nothing “just” about them – and make an example out of them to show society what can happen when you play God with other people’s lives. But that’s the problem…they are God. They’re invincible and they know it. So they get a little protesting outside their homes. That’s as far as it will ever go.

Nothing can or will change until the justices are mostly liberals. This takes decades. Even when and if that finally happens, it will eventually revert back to a conservative majority once again and go back and forth over the decades. Everybody’s gotta try to one-up the other. I think the US, along with Poland, are the only two countries to revert back to the Dark Ages. It’s sick. It really is. The US is one of the last countries I thought would ever stoop so low. I thought we valued women a little more than that here, but apparently not.

Next will be the gays. I wonder how long it will be before gay marriage is a thing of the past. I’m so sick of this little black-and-white world I live in where one day something’s legal and the next it’s not and back and forth and back and forth with the giving and taking of rights.

And I’m sick of Steve. He and his mutt need to go. The fucking thing barked yesterday at 8:00 PM, and it was for more than a minute. Damn, I hope someone will complain! If he is like most people though, he won’t take it very well, especially since it appears he has a temper. I heard him arguing and swearing at either his wife or the mutt and then storming out of the place to get something out of his car. He then shut the door with a honk and went back inside.

Tom lowered the sprinklers because he might have them start mowing now that the grass is starting to go to seed. To our surprise, they didn’t mow yesterday. He also glued what I call a disco ball back onto this black iron stand. It’s a ball with a pretty, colorful metallic coating.

We power-washed the driveway and the car. Tom did most of it because I’m short.

My new beach chair arrived in it’s great. The only thing is that my feet don’t touch the ground, but if I have a mound of sand in front of me, that can be a little footrest.

I can’t wait to get back to the beach! I forgot to mention that for a split second, I saw a dolphin just as it was diving under the water.

TUESDAY, MAY 17, 2022
Just when my slew of scam calls started slowing down, they’re picking back up again. I’m even getting some spam texts. Sooner or later I’ve got to have most numbers blocked that they could possibly call me from, right? eyeroll

Found out some really interesting information about the mutt that’s been annoying on and off. I said hello to Toni and casually mentioned hearing more barking lately that’s kind of annoying, and as expected, she said it was coming from Steve’s place. Apparently, it’s Roy’s service dog. Roy couldn’t take care of it anymore, so Steve adopted it. I’m surprised because I thought a service dog would be a lot more composed, even though it’s likely confused as to why it’s suddenly in a new home with new people. Toni and I are hoping it just has to get used to its surroundings, but I think this is just the way the dog is and it probably barked at Roy’s place as well. She says she’s used to it, but also annoyed and feels stuck between a rock and a hard place because she feels bad for the dog being uprooted and all that, and therefore feels obligated not to say anything. She told me not to hesitate, to complain if it bothers me, though. But of course I won’t. And I did tell her without going into details that complaints have a way of backfiring on me so I wasn’t willing to go that route.

Where it got interesting was that her sister used to live in her place. She let the dog bark that she had at the time and got complaints. She received a letter saying that it had to be resolved or she needed to leave. But then Toni came around and kept it quiet. So as I knew was the case, it isn’t that Steve can’t do something about it but that he chooses not to.

Jessie told her immediate neighbors to let her know if her dogs get annoying. She says it’s horrible living in manufactured homes because the walls are so thin. Indeed they are. I definitely miss being on a concrete slab with brick walls.

Anyway, Toni said “complaints” as in plural. So as long as it wasn’t whoever was in this house and in Steve’s house before he moved in, then somebody around here doesn’t like barking. Now I’m hoping the barking will actually get a little worse and entice them to complain again. I feel really bad for those on the sides of Steve. Tom guesses one of the complainers is the guy across the street because he has one of those ‘no pooping’ signs on his grass.

Tom said it barked for 30 seconds or less because somebody went on the roof to paint the trim. Well, I really hope someone will take the honors of complaining because I think we’re gonna hear it three or four times a day, if not more, until they do. I have too much of a complex on me after past experiences to have the guts to complain and I know Tom wouldn’t want that.

I assured Toni I would keep our discussion confidential, thanked her for letting me go to her about the dog, and she said no problem. That’s what neighbors are for. So she’s the new Mrs. Twenties of sorts.

It’s a pity I’ve had to spend so much time over the years trying to get people to shut the fuck up. It’s almost like it’s been a side job. It also sucks how the Supreme Court can take from millions of women and I can’t take this one thing from one person. I would love to be able to take away the things that people annoy me with! As in abuse it and lose it. The thing is after I took the dog away from him since he obviously won’t control it, I don’t know what I would do with it. I wouldn’t want a dog that noisy and I wouldn’t have the patience to train it myself. Besides, we’re not ready for a pet and the expense it would bring. I would probably surrender it to a shelter so it could be adopted. Just not one nearby figuring he might look there, LOL.

It sucks just how polarized this country is with no middle ground. Why do so many people refuse to see all the gray areas in between? I just don’t get this. I can’t stand checking the news because it’s all about attacks on women, attacks on gays, attacks on Ukraine, the race bullshit, etc. There’s so much hate and control out there. It’s almost like nothing good happens anymore.

Andy says that while both were horrible, slavery was worse because it went on for 400 years instead of the 8 years World War Two lasted. But were 6 million of them killed? Then again, I guess length of time matters as much as the actual event. If I had to choose between spending the rest of my life in prison versus dying relatively quickly, I would take the latter. Either way, it isn’t black’s past that I have a problem with, but how they are in modern times. Some of them anyway.

Mia’s free gift sucks this week. It’s a men’s suit jacket. What is she going to do with that? Dress up like a guy?

For $75, we found a higher beach chair that has a canopy on top that pivots. It has a cupholder too. It might be harder to shade all of me, but all that matters is my upper body.

Ordered another spiral-bound journal as well since I’m almost finished with this one.

Although it will never be much, it’s fun watching my books work for me and generate extra money. First, I slaved over working to create them and now they work for me. I just put them out there and do nothing but hope they make money. Also, that no one goes review-bombing.

Last night I had this really bizarre dream. It started off great because I had this cute brown rat who was very obedient and loving. I would call its name, whatever that was, and it would come to me and snuggle up with me.

But then Tom and I were about to die. I don’t know if we were planning to kill ourselves together or if something was going to kill us that we had no control over, but instead of being sad, mad, or scared, we were thrilled. This was because we knew we would get out of the possibility of having future diseases and other forms of suffering. Plus, we wouldn’t have to watch our beloved rat die. Then he joked and said, “It figures, though, that when we’re about to die, I get more programming ideas,” and we laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

MONDAY, MAY 16, 2022
On the way to the beach now. So, so good to get out today. Too many days cooped up inside the house and I get a little stir-crazy.

For two days, I didn’t hear the dog but this morning I did. So much for influencing. It was only about 6 barks, but again, not the point. It probably barked the last two days and I just didn’t hear it as I was either close to the air cleaner or in back of the house. They have two lanais, so more opportunities for its racket to escape its house besides through open windows.

I also heard one that’s been here all along. Sadly, where there are people, there are dogs. It’s just a matter of if it’s a few scattered barks or all the time, depending on where you live. In the mainstream, you get it all the time. In adult communities, you get it sometimes. Sometimes is definitely better than all the time.

Aly would be just as sickened by the Governor of Nebraska as I am if she was still alive. Sometimes I wonder if she wasn’t actually one of the lucky ones to be able to escape this twisted world sooner. I guess that depends on what, if anything, happens after death.

Anyway, the prick says women should be forced to carry their rapist’s babies. How fucking sick is that?! Let someone implant female anatomy in him, rape him, impregnate him, and then see how easy it is for him to say that.

I didn’t read the article – I’m so sick of nothing but abortion, race, and Russia/Ukraine that I try to avoid the news except to get Bing points - but I saw a headline that said something to the effect of nurses gearing up for training that excluded abortion care. But aren’t they still going to train them for life-saving abortions? Or are they just going to let the mothers die? Sadly, I know better than to say that people aren’t that crazy because yes, they certainly are.

After they attack gay rights next, I wonder if they’ll ever make abortion illegal on a federal level. This country is really doomed if they do. I mean, that’s beyond crawling back into the dark ages. Once you revert to that shit it’s like, what’s next? Making women dress like they do in Muslim countries?

There are still some people worried that Putin’s gonna resort to nukes, but I still don’t see that. The only way there might be a slight possibility would be in a murder-suicide case if he knew he was dying. This would depend on how much he valued his family and friends. If he didn’t give a shit about them and knew he was about to die, then he might decide to take as many people as he could with him, but I doubt it.

Still think he can add a grand and maybe even a few grand to our yearly income, but I don’t see us ever in a position to move without him working, and of course, we don’t want that.

Sometimes I wonder…would it be worth it, despite the tremendous odds and receiving other people’s win notifications if I started sweeping again? I’m still thinking no. Way too many people entering sweeps these days. At least I’m up $20 in book sales, even though that won’t last.

Coming back over the drawbridge now and heading for the charger and then BK. I shouldn’t be eating crap, but it’s been a while and we all need variety and to treat ourselves now and then.

We didn’t exactly get our $8 worth today since we only stayed for about an hour. It was high tide, leaving us nothing but a rocky strip of “beach” to set up on. Getting in and out of the water was a bit treacherous too. Next time, we’re definitely going to go to an area with more sandy space even if it means more people, and there would probably still be rocks and shells to navigate. The problem with traversing the rocks is their lack of sturdiness. As soon as you put your weight on them, they roll out from under you. The water’s current tugging at my legs didn’t help either. I fell getting in and out of the water and nearly landed on my ass on the shore as well. It was especially hard getting out of the water and I needed Tom’s help. I’m a little perplexed as to why my balance has gotten so bad. I’m guessing it’s connected to age, weight, and shitty vision. Hard to believe I used to figure skate and skateboard as a kid and even did cross-country skiing and water skiing a couple of times. I would be absolutely terrified to put on a pair of skates now!

Swimming was still fun, although the water seemed slightly cooler this time. I got goosebumps after a while, but it was still nice despite some floating grass and accidentally swallowing a bit of water. We didn’t stay long. The rocks were getting to me and I didn’t bring anything to do yet didn’t want to stay in the water for hours. I think next time I’ll bring my phone and see if I can read in the shade. I’ve got the Kindle app on my phone.

I also want to see if I can find some kind of umbrella I could attach to my chair. That way we wouldn’t have to lug the umbrella. It always seems to take too long to set up and gather up the stuff to leave. Better yet, I want to look for a higher chair. It would be easier to get in and out of.

OK, we’re back at the house now and I just talk-typed up what I wrote in my rainbow journal that I’m going to leave here whether we move or die here someday. The next person in here is really going to be confused since it was written in on and off since 2014 and contains a mix of things. Stuff going on in my life, dreams, story excerpts, etc.

SUNDAY, MAY 15, 2022
So I was talking to Becky who plans to partake in the abortion protests and says apathy is deadly. Maybe so, but a lack of apathy also gets you in jail or spited. Yet she feels the protests will work, and after all, protests were what stopped the Vietnam War. Yeah, but that’s different.

I still say you can’t reason with crazy. There’s no changing their twisted little minds. No amount of scientific evidence or education will do a damn bit of good. Conservatives are hateful, controlling, obsessive, and delusional. Anytime you have mostly conservatives in charge, the country will be in trouble. You can’t just talk sense into extremists. They’ll keep attacking one thing after another until the Supreme Court is one day mostly Liberals, and that takes decades. Things won’t change for the better in our lifetime. Conservatives should never be allowed to hold any kind of power anywhere but sadly, we live in a black-and-white country.

I still think they’ll allow abortions for emergencies, and I still say that many doctors still do abortions because they took an oath to do no harm. It’s their job to serve and help their patients, so no law is going to stop that. Until the abortion pill is made illegal, there’s that to help women too. But once that’s illegal, they can’t stop other means of abortion like herbs and taking a good swift punch to the stomach, among other things.

Those who worry about all these millions of women being forced to have kids they don’t want and dying from home abortions are silly. What we should really worry about are the things that there’s no getting around. There’s no way to get around it when they tell gays they can no longer marry. There’s no way to get around when they start cutting Social Security and chipping away at our healthcare access. If God forbid things really, really get crazy, my life will be in danger. Jews are the second most hated group in the world.

One day isn’t nearly enough to tell me anything, but I never once heard the dog bark yesterday. It still makes me wonder yet again if there’s something about this influencing I might actually be able to control. I can’t make all the conservatives cease to exist, but maybe I can make it as peaceful as it used to be, especially when the snowbirds are gone.

So what exactly is my ideal dream house? I’ve had ideas, but not the specifics. I’ve often asked myself what I want. I think my ideal dream place is in a soundproof high-rise condo that overlooks the ocean as well as some other things. This way the view would change from day to night. I would see the ocean and observe people going about down below during the daytime. By night I would see twinkling lights. I loved how I could see for miles and miles out the living room window in Maricopa, and then lights twinkling in the distant city at night.

If we were up high enough, a high-rise would take us further from the street and any projects going on. However, the interior would have to be soundproof otherwise we would be trading in street noise for the usual bumps, bangs, and slams you hear when you’re attached to others. I don’t want to go back to listening to people’s TVs, stereos, cabinets, doors, and heavy footsteps if they happen to walk like an elephant. It would also insulate the place better and storms wouldn’t seem so loud being in concrete and steel as opposed to this flimsy wooden house.

It’s just a dream, though, as is my second dream home, which would be a place that was on the beach or close to it. It would have its own private dock like what my parents had.

SATURDAY, MAY 14, 2022
I only walked down about 10 houses worth this morning and then ran back up. I breathed in the stench of smoke on the way down and up. I swear there weren’t nearly as many smokers in Cali as there are here.

Less than a year in and it’s already noisier with all the projects and barking. Funny, though, how he said that if we go rural and the neighbors are up to no good, we can’t do anything about it. But we can’t do anything about it right here. I get his point in that you’re likely to have more problems there than here and how it’s safer here, but still. If Toni decided to run a dogfighting ring, the honker blasted in and out, and Steve let his mutt bark round the clock, what could we do about it? Complain and get sent to jail if one of them has a cop pal or be told to do a $1000 upgrade because someone in the office is besties with one of them?

Believe me, I hate the complex the past has put on me and I know a stronger person wouldn’t let the past dictate the future, but it’s not that easy. It does get to me at times, though, that 6 people on the Supreme Court can tell millions of women what to do with their lives and bodies, and I can’t even get one person to control their fucking dog. Just one person.

Why does this always happen to me? Just why? Every single fucking place I go gets noisier until I’m about to leave it. I swear yesterday was almost like the old place without the traffic. Yes, it can and has been much worse, but I didn’t come here for this. I don’t care if his dog barks for less than 30 seconds at a time. Just the fact that I hear it every single day really gets to me. I don’t make him hear anything of ours regularly.

They put the roof on the day before yesterday and that wasn’t too noisy. Just a few rounds of mild pounding. I thought they were done with the place, but they did work on it yesterday as well and the pounding got to the point where it was distracting.

It’s a crisp, cool morning out at 68 degrees, so I have a couple of windows open. I’ll shut them when the temperature rises or the projects and barking get too annoying, whichever comes first.

Really surprised that Texas of all states wants free speech online. I would think a state like that would do the exact opposite. Still, with all the crazy laws, restrictions, and all the little sensitives out there and their poor, poor little fragile eggshell feelings, I’m afraid to even breathe online these days.

Reality versus Amy Coney-Barrett:

Amy: Any woman can simply get paid time off for having an unwanted kid, there’s plenty of childcare available, and they can all become Supreme Court justices and raise many children just like she did. Plus, there are plenty of contraceptives available.

Reality: This country has one of the shittiest paid leave benefits and childcare services available due to the way women have been pressured to be little workhorses and skip having kids in the first place for the last 30 years or so. And no, they can’t all become Supreme Court justices with lots of kids nor do they all want to in the first place. Lastly, contraceptives sometimes fail, and no, there aren’t plenty of contraceptives available because not everyone can afford them, and they’ve also become a target.

It’s almost scary to have such blatant stupidity for a “justice.” It really is.

FRIDAY, MAY 13, 2022
We’re planning on driving down to the beach on Monday, but since I don’t want to wait that long to catch up on my writing, I’ll get started now. I can work on my story on the road.

I’m using my chat thread with Alyssa to keep an audio journal. It’s the easiest place to do it that I know of. It’s even easier than Twitter and definitely easier than Swell. I still can’t help but wonder if she ever listens. It doesn’t matter if she does, but I’m curious. Does she or doesn’t she? I would still have to guess no. Where is a doctor/wife/mother going to find time to listen to several minutes of messages from someone they never wanted to be friends with? She’s never given me any indication that she’s read anything of mine, let alone ever contacted me in any way. Even so, the idea of her possibly listening, even if it’s slim, kind of amuses me. I’m not saying anything I wouldn’t mind her hearing. Whether she listens in or not, it’s a convenient place to keep an audio journal of my life. The lack of change in profile pictures for so long likely has nothing to do with me, and it’s even likelier that she’s not listening.

Sometimes I think that, yeah, maybe she is listening and that’s why she hasn’t updated her profile pic in three years; because she feels her privacy has been violated and she doesn’t want me seeing any new content. But if that’s the way she really feels, couldn’t she just simply block me? Or would that be considered a “reaction” of some kind that she doesn’t want to give me? I’ve always wondered why some people ignore while others block. Stacey might have the answer to that, but I’m certainly not going to ask her, LOL.

The doc is more confusing than ever. She’s read the few messages I’ve sent but continues not to engage with me in any way. It’s weird because she definitely doesn’t strike me as the type to be a friend collector.

Fitbit has added the A-fib detector, but you have to be still for them to detect it if you have it. I’m not always still when my heart flutters, although I don’t expect to get a notification either way. I was surprised to learn that some people with A-fib don’t have symptoms.

Everything I want to publish for now is published. So now I just let them sit there and generate whatever they’re going to generate.

The ENT referral I was given was for somebody who’s out of network, so they gave me another referral that was in Tampa. If we have to go all the way to Tampa, I would rather see the first guy I saw. But Tom swears we can find one closer, so he’s looking on the insurance site.

Yesterday I was like, what is it with this place all of a sudden becoming a little more like the old place with the projects and the barking? Yesterday morning, I was pissed at Steve for letting his dog bark for a minute or two and not taking responsibility to do a damn thing about it. I haven’t heard it today, but when Tom was out, he heard it bark and then Steve yelled at it. It’s about fucking time!

Then. I had a hilarious thought. When it was going off yesterday morning and distracting me when I was golfing with Tom, the windows happened to be open and I was bitching to Tom about it. Could Steve have heard me? I don’t know about that. I mean, yes, I’m kind of loud, but could he really make out what I was saying?

I still hear the dogs at night that are outside of the park, but never in the daytime. This pretty much tells me they’re probably allowed indoors during the daytime and that they are at the junkyard protecting the place. At least I think it’s some kind of junkyard. At first I thought it was coming from straight behind us, and while it could be, the distance seems about right for the volume.

So yesterday’s projects were Steve having his place pressure washed, a pest vehicle at the place next to him, plus a roof going on a few houses down in the other direction. Fortunately, it was far from maddening. Just a little noticeable. I can hear some hammering today too. Someone recently moved into this house, so I guess now they’re adding the trimming to the place or something.

I’ve certainly got a growing curse on me lately. One of the bamboo stalks died and the basil plant doesn’t look so great. The newly planted palm trees across the street don’t look like they’re doing well either. I don’t think it’s just the dry weather. I think it’s mostly due to the shitty soil they warned us about when we first moved here.

Bought a $10 app called Wander. You can explore almost anywhere in the world, and even the space station. I’m not so sure about it yet. It requires so much clicking of the controllers. I can pretty much see the same stuff in VZfit, but I’ll give it time. I like how you can choose a random place to explore even if it doesn’t tell me where I’m at. I don’t like that I’m not at ground level, but Google doesn’t shoot pics at ground level. The pictures also take longer to load than on VZfit.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 11, 2022
Turns out that the heart monitor is covered, but we would have to pay 15%. I told them that since money is tight and I really don’t think there’s any cause for concern I wanted to wait for now. Money isn’t really that “tight” right now, but still.

We were surprised they mowed yesterday since it’s been dry. So apparently, they go by the calendar. The good thing is that the sit-down mower is back. It did the side while the stand-up did the center of the park as usual. Hopefully, they’ll stick to this routine.

Mia’s free gift last time around was a silver wedding band. Like who gives a shit, right? Plus, the idiot devs still can’t seem to get their shit together which means all her makeup and jewelry are periodically removed. She also defaults to her original outfit. It’s fucking ridiculous that they can’t fix a simple problem.

Jessie’s not my age as I thought. She has another account that has a variation of her name that was suggested to me and the birth date on it is 1967.

I would still prefer to have a text version of my recipes on Blogger besides the screenshots of recipes so I found an image text transcriber. It’s not perfect, but it works pretty well. This way I can search for keywords if I want.

Again with the weird dreams, but I guess weird is better than bad. Horses were climbing palm trees. Then I guess I had a thing for some older nurse and was playing around in a wheelchair like a kid drives their toy car.

In the last dream, we had a two-story house or we were in an apartment on an upper floor. I woke up late in the day, walked up to a window, and gazed down at the front yard across the street to see a bunch of car equipment, tools, and radios scattered about. I asked Tom if the music was loud and he said no, but he could hear it outside.

TUESDAY, MAY 10, 2022
I removed my polish. My nails still look great. There’s no discoloration that I can see, but I might put the lacquer on the tip of one of my thumbs. After I let them breathe for a bit I’ll put some stickers on. I’m just going to be smart this time and not let the adhesive build up.

I noticed the other day that my shoulders are uneven. My right shoulder is slightly lower than my left. Is this something new or has this been going on for a long time? I’m usually pretty observant, so I would be surprised if it’s existed for that long. It’s my dominant arm and I’m older, so it kind of makes sense. I googled it and it seems pretty harmless.

I had 15 fucking calls today. Oddly enough, though, only 11 were on the Recent list. Where are the other 4? And why the fuck won’t Apple let us block calls from unknown numbers? Two left voice mails. The usual scams. One was about unpaid taxes and the other I didn’t even bother to listen to.

Although a bit breezy now, it’s been bone dry out there. I guess they really did mean it after all when they said that May is the beginning of the storm season. The question is when in May. The later the better, because then that’s fewer sleep disturbances. If I survive the storm season, but only enough not to have to run to drier ground, it may not be smart to head further south or over to Jessie where it would only be worse. I feel I still have too many years left to live in the same place, though.

I slept great the night before last, but not as well last night. I had a few weird dreams. In one of them, I was sharing an apartment with a short Japanese man I didn’t know well. My room ran along two sides of his, forming an L shape. I was settling into bed one night when I could hear the beat of the music he was playing. I went and asked him to turn it down a bit and he didn’t seem too happy about that but agreed to do so. The strange thing was the columns of bricks he set up in his doorway so he could have the door open but keep me out. I wondered if he was a private person, or if he might be hiding something.

Then I was in a building somewhere in a long corridor. Some guy was standing next to me, and as we were moving down the corridor, he spotted some guys he was suspicious of. He tossed me over his shoulder and began running away with me. I guess he figured I couldn’t run fast enough, though I’m not sure how he managed to move so fast carrying so much weight.

In the last dream, I felt a definite lump in the bottom of my right boob. As I rubbed my fingers over it, however, it began to dissolve and disappear.

Galileo gave me the ENT referral. Dr. B, who looks as young and white as my old ENT. As long as she doesn’t have any crazy accents and she knows what she’s doing. I think she’s from here, so she shouldn’t be hard to understand.

I was talk-typing up recipes from the cookbooks I borrowed and then I realized that all I needed to do was load the reader on my computer and take screenshots of the recipes.

Protests and marches usually don’t do any good, but I love that they’re starting to take them to the homes of the Supreme Court justices. I really wish they would do more than just scream on their front lawns and instead bust into the houses and hurt or even kill them. Maybe that’s what it would take to send the proper message and make an example of them as to what can happen when you play God with people’s lives. I highly doubt this will happen, although I’m all for them at least protesting at their houses because that alone has to be kind of scary and disrupting of their lives.

I was sickened when some politician in the Midwest - and this was a woman too - said that a 13-year-old who got raped, pregnant, and forced to give birth should see it as an opportunity to raise a decent human being in the world. Really, I sat there blinking in shock, unsure of what I was seeing. I had to read it over and over again to be sure I was indeed correct in what I saw. Yup. The sick, twisted shit I was reading was in fact as real as ever. What the fuck was the sicko thinking when she said that shit??? Yeah, bitch, I’m sure every teenage girl hopes to hell she gets raped so she can have such a wonderful “opportunity,” assuming her parents let her keep the kid and sadly, they probably would. This isn’t the ’70s.

Just when I thought people were done pulling all the surprises they could pull on me, again they failed to cease to amaze me on PB where someone wrote that they would see a baby that came from rape as a consolation prize.

I hate to say it but I can see where some people go crazy and lose it and start shooting up people. I can see how truly easy it is to get fed up with humanity as a whole, even though most shooting rampages are about a grudge against someone or because they were picked on. Either way, I get it. If I could snap my fingers and have every conservative drop dead along with certain types of personalities out there, I don’t see how I would hesitate if it was a matter of simply snapping my fingers and no one could ever know I was responsible.

SUNDAY, MAY 8, 2022
My back is getting better albeit slowly. Very slowly. I’m saving my workout for the end of the day. That way, if it causes it to flare up, I won’t have much time left in my day to have to deal with it. I want to try to run on the treadmill for 5 minutes, do 15 minutes of vibing, do a Moon Rider song, play Back to Space until I lose, and then top off the rest of the time with VZfit. So about an hour of physical activity.

I guess something doesn’t want the shower in the second bathroom fixed because when he finally went to epoxy a broken part, the hot water handle broke off. So the entire thing is going to have to be replaced like the one in CH. At least for now, we can run the cold water if we need to rinse or fill anything large.

The potato hash I made yesterday that includes gold Yukon potatoes and chickpeas along with an assortment of veggies came out great. Maybe adding bacon bits would have made it even better, but as it was I shouldn’t have had the cheese sprinkled on top of it. There’s simply no avoiding cholesterol altogether. I just don’t have that kind of willpower. Besides, my cholesterol would still be too high anyway.

I downloaded another Mediterranean cookbook with slow cooker recipes only. I like that most of the recipes serve two and it’s easier to measure for just me because all I have to do is just cut the measurements in half. Trying to figure out one serving out of something that serves 6 or 12 wasn’t very easy. Some things aren’t worth cutting in half, though, and would be easier to simply make two servings. It definitely isn’t easy to split an egg in half, for example.

It’s been fun copying recipes to my PB account. I’ve got a ways to go, though, because there are 250 recipes to go through. There’s very little that I wouldn’t eat, although I do improvise on some things. I’d rather the cod and Brussels sprouts dinner I recently made be cod and zucchini or something like that.

There were tons of races over the last three days and he was able to make a $90 profit. But then he lost $30 because he tried to win big. There was one race that would have won a couple of grand. He’s still ahead of the game and the tools he’s creating are still helping. He still hopes to double our yearly income. That’s his goal. As brilliant of a programmer as he is and as great as he is with numbers, I don’t think he’ll succeed by that much. I still think he can grab $10 a week from it. Time will tell which one of us is right!

Tom overate yesterday and nearly threw up. I hate it when he does that. I also hate that he eats nothing but processed crap. The only healthy things he’ll eat are potatoes and an occasional banana. He may be incredibly lucky so far, but I worry that it’s going to catch up with him and fuck up his health. It definitely doesn’t help his weight. He’s still in the 260s. As I’ve always said though, I’m alive for as long as he is. Doesn’t matter if it’s 1 year, 5 years, 10 or 20.

I try not to think about it or worry about it too much, but this whole thing with the Supreme Court is truly sickening and worrisome. If you’re not worried about the future, you’re either naïve or you don’t have much longer to live anyway. Don’t these sick, twisted, delusional fuckers see how detrimental it would be to make abortion illegal or continue with the restrictions? How does a rape victim begin to heal if she’s forced to carry her rapist’s baby? It would be bad enough if she was single, but imagine if she was married and her husband had to deal with it as well? I just hope that those who say that there are always ways around the crazy restrictions are correct. That’s what I’ve always heard and believed as well, though. There are always ways to lose a fetus. The problem is that some of these women could be facing jail time for doing so. It’s absolutely mind-boggling and sickening that this country is working hard at trying to throw a woman in prison for life for the “murder” of an unwanted fetus but will barely slap a rapist on the wrist if they even do that much.

If I were one of these so-called “justices” I would fear for my life. Anytime you play God with the lives of others you’re putting your life on the line. But then maybe I wouldn’t have to fear a thing since I would be heavily guarded all the time. Why is it that the most twisted of people in this world have the most protection?

They keep talking about letting each state decide things and that’s wrong. It shouldn’t be up to any state or the government. It should be up to the woman.

Again, what’s next? I’m still guessing the gutting of gay rights. Things have gotten so crazy that I’m now at the point where it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if they decided that killing animals for food is a horrible sin and that everybody must go vegan or else get thrown in jail. What are they going to do then? Set up hotlines so people can report those who dare eat meat in hopes of getting an easy 10K for a successful conviction?

SATURDAY, MAY 7, 2022
Well, my crab cakes came out shitty as did my almond chia porridge. Maybe my potato hash will come out better tomorrow.

My metabolism isn’t any faster yet. I still can’t eat anything without gaining weight. But is that my age talking or my Hashimoto’s? It’s ridiculous to jump 2 pounds from a 200-calorie snack that stays with me for many hours. I’m hoping to drop a pound so I can eat one more time today without risking gaining more weight.

Earlier I got really warm and my heart spiked to 116, but I didn’t have any anxiety along with it. I think I just got overheated. It was 80 degrees where I was sitting and I had done a lot of work. I gave the kitchen a thorough cleaning. Lying down for a few minutes, dropping the temperature, and then doing my meditation helped.

I was hoping that Galileo forgot about the heart monitor, but they mentioned it. They asked me to verify my insurance and said they would order it. This is the Zio monitor, I guess. Not looking forward to wearing it, but if it will give everybody peace of mind, even though I don’t think there’s a problem, why not? My heart seems to do its weird flutter every few days or so, but according to everything I read online, they’re usually harmless. While I was exchanging messages with them, I asked for an ENT referral.

Tom had an excellent day with the horses yesterday, making $70. That’s more than triple his weekly goal. Really hope it’s not a fluke! There happened to be a lot more races than usual.

FRIDAY, MAY 6, 2022
The Woman in the House Across from the Girl in the Window is such a great series. There’s only one series so far and eight episodes, but it’s damn good. I’m watching it on Netflix.

My back is still hurting big time. So glad today’s cleaning and cooking are done!

Damn, I really have to slow down the eating! I’m going to gain weight for damn sure if I don’t. That’s the thing about dead thyroids. They don’t care if you have a 100-calorie snack. To my body, it’s like you had a 500-calorie meal. It treats everything I eat, no matter how big or small, as if it was a huge meal. It takes my body forfuckingever to burn it off too. I really hope that slowly lowering my TSH continues to be a success.

Funny how the Supreme Court’s leaked abortion draft is called an “opinion.” It’s not an opinion it’s a fucking plan. A sick, twisted plan. And it’s not their final decision they say? Who do they think they’re kidding? They had a plan all along and they fully intend to carry it out. Once this is accomplished they’ll gut more rights, probably GLBTs. Then they’ll work on things that affect us. The name of the game is control. You control and you change everybody that isn’t like you.

I still don’t get why everybody is so damn surprised though. I knew this was coming for a long time and it has nothing to do with being psychic. It’s common sense. Once Coney-Barrett got in I knew women’s rights were doomed, thanks to Trump who started this country on its way to regression and oppression.

Once Roe is overturned, I don’t see it becoming the all-out crisis that people are making it out to be any more than I believe that Putin is going to nuke anyone or that he really has cancer. There are always ways to abort. But it definitely does open the door for all kinds of other shit. It’s like the whole world is going to hell from climate change to inflation to crazy laws to wars.

As an Ashkenazi, I asked Tom if he thought they would ever be crazy enough to set up a hotline to report Jews so that they could go round them up and kill them, and he said no. But would either one of us have expected other things that have happened to happen? I learned to expect the unexpected a long time ago. Sadly, injustice typically prevails and nothing will ever change. I mean if we’re still dealing with the same shit like women’s rights after all these decades, things will never get better, and if they do, it won’t last. These days it’s politically correct to deem abortion “murder” and I learned a long time ago just how obsessed people can be with political correctness. People like “norms” and to do what most people do. They believe in God because most people do. They keep up to date with the latest style of clothing because that’s what most people do. The same goes for politics.

Jess isn’t the greatest writer, and sometimes it’s hard to understand her. I guess it’s not the community that mows, but someone who has their house done too early. I remember having to deal with that shit from different individuals at the old place. I would prefer loud mowers not to drive past the bedroom window when I’m sleeping, but it’s nice having to hear it once a week or less and not every single day.

Steve is the guy who moved in across from Toni. He’s a tall, skinny, tanned guy who’s always outdoors, like the honker. Too bad the honker isn’t just past his place. They’d love each other. Anyway, he and his wife have a dog that sometimes barks but fortunately, it hasn’t been too noticeable. At least not yet. I sure hope it doesn’t become like Gerry’s dog across the street from the old place!

Tom said he was afraid to try the goat cheese I left him. He said that knowing how he usually hates everything while I usually love everything, he’s afraid to even touch it if I don’t like it.

Aly has now been dead for one year. I will never stop missing her. Never.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 4, 2022
Just got back from a run to Walgreens. We’ve both been craving snacks.

Yesterday I was tired, so I took a nap. This time it actually refreshed me instead of making me more tired or just as tired. Had half a cup of coffee when I got up as well.

Jessie’s pissed because she too, got woken up by the mower before her 7:30 alarm. The only difference is they come at a decent time here, but not there. People have complained there that they come before 8, and the homeowners association, or whoever it is, doesn’t give a shit. I told her she and the others should remind the homeowners association who the paying customers are. This is exactly what I intend to do if there are any more complaints against us on account of the grass we spent hundreds of dollars getting. I got so mad when it hit me that hey, we’re the ones paying them yet they’re complaining? No fucking way I’m gonna stand for that! We put up with the other park parenting us and this one’s not going to do the same.

My docs and I agreed on a plan to have me step up the dose each month, assuming that all went well during the month before. I have felt great emotionally and I hope to hell it lasts! The goal is to have the 75s phased out by August. The thing is, I doubt 88s will be enough for me at this point. If that’s the case, then I guess I’ll have to slowly titrate up 100s. I really wish my thyroid would just completely die off so I could know it’s not gonna die anymore. We agreed I would wait on those supplements and they said they check in on me from time to time, which was really nice. Not even my old endo did that. Definitely happier with this kind of medical group than with the traditional way. It’s like having a team of medical doctors in my pocket.

I was hugging and kissing a cute little brown rat in my dreams when the mower woke me up. Last night I had some really weird dreams.

In the first dream, I had a really close friend that I knew in person and that was making plans to live near me. I don’t know if I knew Tom or not. Then she committed suicide and I was absolutely devastated.

Then I had a dream we were to move to Indiana of all places. The idea was to go to this really cheap place so we could save money to get what we really wanted in Florida. We arrived in October and it was already freezing.

“It’s cheaper to rent a house here than in Florida, isn’t it?” I asked Tom.

“Indeed it is,” he said.

“How long are we going to be here?” I asked him, knowing he was probably going to work for a while, and he said five or six years.

I was totally bummed out to hear this because I knew that things usually take longer than expected and that would be about ¼ of the rest of my life. I would never in a million years move to a climate like that just to hopefully get a better place here. I would just stay in this house forever.

TUESDAY, MAY 3, 2022
I hate to say it, but I see some good in Roe being overturned. Yes, it’s absolutely sick and disgusting that we’re reverting back to the dark ages and that so many people are so high on being control freaks that they feel it’s their right and their duty to make personal decisions for others. And yes, people are hypocrites in that so many women in this country get shit for getting knocked up in the first place, yet if she goes to have an abortion, she’s an automatic “murderer.”

But I do see the potential for good coming of this and that’s that it’s going to make women more independent when it comes to abortion, which would mean less shit from society in the end because unless the woman says something, no one should know she’s having the abortion in the first place. People who go for abortions at abortion clinics get hassled all the time.

People only go to get abortions because it’s convenient, and that’s just the way it’s been done for so many years that it becomes customary. But it’s totally not necessary. There are a million ways to lose a fetus. Women did so before abortion was even a thing. There are tons of different herbs, drugs, and reasons why they tell you not to do certain physical activities. Plus, there is the abortion pill. I know that’s eventually going to become illegal too, but look at pot. It was once illegal, but it didn’t stop it from going around, did it? Plus, there will still be doctors providing traditional abortions no matter what the laws say. They’re not afraid of being sued. I am surprised, however, that we haven’t heard more reports about them being busted. Perhaps they’re hard to catch because you can’t exactly go undercover to catch them. They have to know and prove you’re pregnant in the first place. You can’t just go in there and say, hey, I’m pregnant, give me an abortion and expect the doctor to do so on the spot. But the crazies of Texas are kidding themselves when they said they saved hundreds of lives. I’m sure you agree that very few women allowed themselves to be forced to carry.

As I said, hopefully this will give them an independence that can’t be fucked with so easily because I’m pretty sure they’re not going to get their rights back in our lifetime. I just don’t see it. People have gotten way too obsessed with getting it into their minds that abortion is murder as they did by insisting God sees gays as sinners, and it’s not just a Supreme Court. Oh no, it goes much further than that. The polls are showing more and more than most people in this country actually want abortion to be illegal unless it’s to save the woman’s life. As I said, it’s a politically correct trend. People get obsessed with something, they run with it, and on and on it goes for decades or more. They’ll run this right into the ground as they have racism and other topics people just can’t seem to take a break from.

When they move on to dismantling gay rights, hopefully they too will find ways around things even though that’s a lot trickier. I just dread the day the law fucks with us directly. Hopefully, it won’t be so bad and we won’t have to let it. I will always do what’s right before I consider what any law says.

Later…

As expected, the fucking mower woke me up and it is the new norm to use the louder one. That’s OK, we’ll just get use out of that Do Not Mow sign that’s sitting in the middle of the new grass, and every time they mow when I’m gonna be sleeping, we’ll put it between the two houses. When they come back next door, we’ll stop. But just like doctors accommodate my schedule, these people are going to accommodate me as well. After all, we’re the ones paying them.

I’ve gotten two downloads already of my books! If I remember correctly, though, this is only because they’re new. The longer they’ve been out there, the fewer downloads they’re going to get. At least I know they’re total strangers and no one I know that’s only buying it to show support because they know me. I still hope I don’t get any shitty reviews. Some people still get bad reviews, even if it’s from strangers.

Mia’s free apparel gift was actually nice last time around. A mint green spaghetti strap dress. I was surprised because I think that’s actually a gem item.

MONDAY, MAY 2, 2022
On the way to the rocky beach with the outrageously priced burger joint but won’t be eating there. It isn’t so much that the beach is rocky, but there’s a little gully with rocks in it that you have to cross to get to the shore. I just wish the roads didn’t sound like such a war zone!

Glad I have energy today, not just for the beach, but because I expect to be tired tomorrow if my worst suspicions are true and that the louder mower is going to be a regular thing. I should be sleeping until around lunchtime.

Last night I had three dreams of being in Italy. Yes, three. Don’t know what triggered them. Maybe because I’m reviewing Italian now.

Two of the Italy trips were with Tom. In one of them, I was at a dentist’s office waiting to see a male dentist. I was worried that the doctor would be late and we’d risk not getting to the airport in time. There was no reception desk. Just two closed doors. The receptionist would open one door from time to time and three people waited outside of it. Plus, a door leading to where the dentist was. The doctor poked his head out at one point and I quickly asked how long it would be because I didn’t want to miss our flight.

I went with my parents in one of the Italy dreams.

In another dream, there was this texting app that was just as popular as Facebook. My parents were alive and I hadn’t talked to them in a while. Then one day out of the blue, my mother texted me and I don’t know what she said, but I was actually happy to hear from her and Dad. I went to check out their profiles and follow them but kept getting other people’s profiles instead.

Learning what I have through experience and other people’s stories, as far as how the human mind works and what different behaviors typically represent, I’ve come to really see and understand, not that this realization is suddenly hitting me, that my mother never truly loved me. Just like domestic abuse is not love in any way, she couldn’t have really loved me like most parents love their kids. She said she did. She probably believed she did. She may even have had bursts of fondness at times for me. Yet in the grand scheme of things…the things she said to me, the things she did to me (I could write a huge long list)…were in no way, shape, or form what anyone would say or do to someone they truly loved. Just no fucking way. Verbal abuse, emotional abuse sprinkled with a bit of physical abuse, is not love. You don’t smack infants that don’t “shut up.” You don’t pick on, ridicule, and call your daughter names because she’s just a teeny bit heavy. You don’t give up on your daughter that you made suicidal and send her away so you can have the house to yourself and your enabling husband. You don’t let your daughter live in the slums while you live high off the hog.

Andy and I were talking about how we’ve learned more from Google than from doctors, and I was explaining how/why hormonal and chemical imbalances can really mess with your health and mind and even make you suicidal. He still doesn’t get how a guy with so much support and money like Robin Williams could kill themselves and I guess I wouldn’t either had I never suffered so intensely. At least he simply said he didn’t understand rather than calling people like Robin Williams losers and cop-outs. Everyone has a threshold, some higher than others, and can only take so much physical or emotional suffering.

A few days ago we had a thunderstorm. There was just one loud boom of thunder that probably would have woken me up had I been asleep at the time.

On the way back now, after one of the best beach days yet. Oh, to live by the beach! That’s just a dream but we had so much fun today. The water was gorgeous, it was less crowded, and you didn’t have to go through as much traffic. There were fewer planes, and the water, for some reason, was much clearer. The ocean floor is so much flatter than back up in Connecticut. I had to get quite a way out from shore just to get the water over my shoulders. That far from shore in Connecticut and we’d be way over our heads.

We spent most of the time in the water this time as opposed to sitting, but at one point I hurried out of the water because a crow and a couple of seagulls were on my chair and our beach bag. I didn’t want them shitting all over things and pulling things out of the bag.

I took a shower when we got back and then I made myself a tomato omelet. I definitely don’t like the goat cheese I put in it. It just tastes too weird.

We played a round of golf and I kicked his ass for a change and beat him by 4 strokes.

This week’s new recipes to try will be salmon with Brussels sprouts, eggplant fries, and almond chai porridge.

Got an assortment of decorative tape in different widths. I decorated the boring black magnetic frames with them. I never liked black for décor or appliances.

I still have back pain, but I think it might finally be getting better. My guess is I injured it reaching over the sink with my short arms to open the window.

Even though I didn’t make shit, I missed having books published, so I’m publishing some. Under a pen name, of course, and Tom is the only living soul that knows what that is.

After having 3 days of rain when it was originally said to be sunny, I still wonder if I really influenced it or not. Can I make myself influence other things too?

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Last updated May 30, 2024