One Man and One Woman: Relationships and the Bible in Phoenix Rises Again

Many Christians do not support gay marriage because they are hung up on the idea that a successful relationship must be between a man and a woman. What they fail to see is that gender identity is a spectrum. Science shows us that a person’s chromosomal makeup can differ quite alot between people. A man is not necissarily an XY and a woman an XX. We also see XXY, XXX, and so on. Regardless of the presentation of genitalia or configuration of chromosomes, every successful monogamous relationship I’ve ever seen has had a Matriarch and a Patriarch.

One person presents to have the qualities of a Patriarch, the head of the family. This person may be the bread winner and protector of the family. The rock that the relationship stands on. Even in straight couples the Patriarch is not necissarily the husband. And the same is true of the Matriarch, the wife may not be the person who raises the kids and cares for her spouse after a long day, the loving heart of the home may be the husband.

Gender is a spectrum. Perhaps the Patriarch and Matriarch roles are shared by both partners, but generally in each area of the family one person is the “man” and the other is the “woman”. It’s simply the way people fit together. If they are a good match they compliment each other in each area, as a man and a woman, even if they don’t have differing genitalia.

When both partners try to take the same role on an issue, that is when conflict arises and eventually one partner must concede to the other. When couples fight about where to live or how to raise children, or how to make a family budget work they are experiencing a power struggle between like gender identities. Whether or not they recognise it that way, they are fighting for control over a domain in the family that traditionally belongs to either the man or the woman.

All monogamous couples have one man and one woman. Differing genitalia is unecissary.

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When it comes to polyamorous relationships I have yet to see a system that works long term. Because the balance is thrown off. It is hard enough to retain balance in a monogamous relationship. When more people are added to the mix that balance becomes near impossible to keep. Each partner, subconsciously buried or not, wants to have ownership of their partner and give themselves to being owned by them in kind. With a third party involved it is harder to say who belongs to whom. The most successful attempts I have seen have involved a primary couple sharing a third party. The third party becomes the secondary matriarch or patriarch during times when neither primary partner is up to the job. However, the third is left eventually feeling like a temporary part of the relationship. He or she does not have an equal partnership with either primary partner. No matter how hard they may try, the third is simply not equal. So often the third has another partner who belongs only to them. As far as the household is concerned this third party is not another partner but a good friend who becomes part of their love life. And that is something we have seen Biblically.

Many times in the old testament a wife will have another female become her surrogate. The surrogate bears children for her husband and takes care of them. She is provided for and loves with the couple. No mention is made of her monogamy. In this respect, a third partner may function as some sort of surrogate, providing to the couple an aspect of the relationship that they cannot achieve otherwise. But there is no equality in a third partner. And that is generally what tears polyamorous arrangements apart, as far as I’ve seen.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk lol.