emotionally compromised in Each Day

I have been mainlining Star Trek.
Before M left we watched all of the star trek movies. Well, “all”, up until 2009 (which is where the title reference comes from.

Since he left I’ve been rewatching Discovery from season 1 and 2, I missed season 4 and want to watch season 5 and all I have is time, so it seems fitting to just binge five seasons of television to pass the time. I have cried, A LOT. Borrowed sadness amplified by my own.
I also just started Fallout. Getting a lot of recommendations for that one.

TV is my life, apparently. Blech.

The Gala was fun. Old Boss was there, Red and I sat with him and he was funny and lovely as always. We took pictures (except I wanted a pic of Old Boss and I but failed to do so) and wandered around and had a good time, but the food was meh and the music was poorly equalized and Red and I had enough by 10. Apparently the party didn’t last much longer, the stragglers left by 11 or so. Seems a shame for such a historic event.

This weekend was weird. I don’t want to be at work, but then when I’m home I just get bummed out and demotivated, and play video games and watch tv and don’t take care of myself or the house.

M’s really struggling too. He doesn’t have anything to keep him grounded out there, and I can’t handle the negativity coming through in text, but also I don’t want him to stop because then what? He has no caring outlet? Shit sucks. I have a countdown to his return on my phone and there are too many days on it still.

Sunday morning we planned to do chicken and waffle brunch at my house with Red, her dude, Lilly and Mandy. But before anyone arrived I fucked up my back. Literally, putting a remote control on the coffee table. It was agony, but I absolutely did not want to cancel. Mandy had a funeral to attend, so she videoed in for a little bit. We’re setting up characters to play a Golden Girls themed D&D session! It’s going to be great. I’m modelling my old woman after my Step-Grandma (she lived to 101 after all), except D&D style, so she’s an Elf Druid with Wild Shape, so she’s going to transform into the Big Five.

Folks, I cannot believe this… but I have had ONE headache since I got my glasses 2 weeks ago!! That’s gotta be a fucking RECORD for me.

Anyway, my back sucked all day. And when I woke up Monday it wasn’t any better, so I called in. I ended up calling in again this morning, but also called the clinic to see if I could telehealth my way though it, but they made me come in. Which, because I didn’t feel it was safe to drive, someone from work had to drive out, pick me up, and then drive me back home after the appointment. What a pain in the ass.
But the advice was solid. I feel much better now than I did this morning.

Honestly being home for 4 days with Valentino has been lovely.

Oh, I finished Kena this weekend. And then I started Fallen Order again. It has been utterly gorgeous outside and I want to get out into the garden, but my back really shit canned that idea.

Fuck I can’t wait for M to get home.