May 22 reflections in Reflection’s

I think “toxic people“ has become something of a cliché because many of us use it so much. But it’s a good descriptive a good phrase that says so much. negative people. people that hurt others and poison the lifeforms around them. I’ve known quite a few, and I wonder if in my youth, I was one. Then again, I’ve always been too hard on myself.

I had a boss for 40 years. That was the textbook description of a toxic person. He always had something negative to say and loved to put people down when they were feeling good About themselves. Just being a genuine pain and a bit sadistic. That boss became well-known to people around me like a villain in some movie. There is a very negative notoriety to that person. After the factory closed, I was surprised that he still wanted to stay in contact like he was totally oblivious to what a shit he had been to me so often. In some messages that we exchanged, I let it be known that I had put on a big act quite often at the factory. Now I didn’t have to put up with anybody’s shit he was a friend on Facebook for a while and I didn’t recognize him because he sounded so nice. Then he messaged me about a coworker that is dying and I called him just to see how he is. He was the same poisonous person, but trying to put on an active being a nice guy. I could see his old slimy, ugly Ways in how and what he talked about. It occurred to me that whenever somebody died in that factory, or that had been in that factory, he always knew about it. As I told him sometime ago, I don’t care anymore about the people that work there or that place. I think he expected more of an emotional reaction from me when he mentioned the coworker dying. I know he is surrounded by loved ones if in fact, he is dying. He’s a religious man and I’m sure that he will believe that he is going to heaven and see God. Or some bullshit like that. But I’m not going to get all twisted up because someone I worked with is possibly dying. I have broccoli endured the conversation with the former boss because it was such an ugly feeling to him, even though his words were kind, and he was powerless to do malice to me as he had done in the factory. But there is an ugliness a sliminess a dirtiness to him and someday he will get the idea. I just don’t give a shit anymore. I don’t want to hear about who died or is sick or whatever because I was never close to those people. I called some of them, but they never called me. However, my ex boss did because he’s always wanted to know, gossip. I have none. I am boring. I enjoy being a very boring unexciting person these days with no trauma. The bloodsuckers that love gossip can go dry when it comes to me.

I feel good that if somebody wants to say shit about me as they once did, I don’t have to care and I never did have to care in the past. I don’t have to care about a father. I feel that never loved me boo-hoo and was a bit of a shit with me to put it lightly. I don’t have to care about Taylor, Swift, or politicians. I don’t have to care about any negative views about me because they just don’t matter. Dear Scott, from all your life, it never did matter. If someone is being a shit with me, I don’t have to stand there and go oh please continue being a shit with me. I can turn and walk away and they can fuck off. I have seen that people in general get too wrapped up into imagining what others think of them or what they have been told they said or what they did say. So much is about getting attention from someone by talking shit. A bit of control with a reaction hey, you pissed me off. Oh good that’s why I was talking to you that way.

One of the great lessons of my life I wish I had learned when I was a boy was to hear someone say something and then say to myself I don’t give a shit. I just don’t care now fuck off. Eventually, people get tired and bored of not getting a reaction. I was stupid at times and got in some fights and it didn’t turn out well for me because my father always taught me don’t hurt anybody you can fight them but just don’t hurt anybody so I got my ass kicked. The last time it happened, my father saw my bloody face that I tried to casual about and told me if someone is going to be that aggressive with me to go after him and cripple the bastard. I could’ve avoided all that crap. I just not giving a shit about some things. It’s just talk and it doesn’t mean shit so don’t get excited about it. Don’t get emotional. Let it go let those sort of people go.

I think that sarcasm is one of the ugliest forms of talk and when people get sarcastic with me, I see them as being sick very sick inside. They think they’re being clever, but they’re just being vicious and I don’t need malice. On Facebook and in my life, I only have good people now. Not many but good people.

When I was young, I was insecure with low self-esteem and I looked for answers from people and I know I sounded weak. I know I complained a lot. I was sick and how I talked about myself with such low self-esteem. When I was looking for some romantic romantic interest, I know that some women ran away from me because I probably sound like someone that sucked the life out of them. Fortunately, I grew up. I’m matured. I got my shit together and I feel good about it. Be positive to others and not some sick son of a bitch that only offers negatives.

And again that big big lesson: if someone is talking, lies about you about me trying to get some reaction give the reaction of no reaction and don’t give a shit and avoid such people. Even if they are family.

Peace and you don’t have to take any shit from anybody and try not to give it.