Pain Poem in Aftermath

Pain
Never the same kind
Still hurts just as much
As they walk away
They die
Disappeared
Asking why?

One thing about pain
there’s always more where it came from
Every month there’s an a death or trauma anniversary
Feel like I have graduated the hard knocks
So why is it still happening?
Haven’t i gotten stronger
Why do I feel so hopeless and weak?
Can’t tell anyone about my pain
Don’t know how I’d tell people
What words would I speak?
It’s in my heart chest and mind
Constantly playing the worst parts
On continuous rewind
How do I know that it will end
Bracing all the time
For the worst
Don’t know what it’s like to feel fucking safe
Which I was looked at as sane
At this point maybe I’m not
Been through hell and back
But have I?
Feel like I am still there
Where no one actually cares
The worst is over?
This loneliness makes me feel like it has just began

I act so mad that no one asks me about it all
Deep down I am scared
To say it out loud
For anyone to know
Will they believe me?
Had that happen before
Lost my best friend growing up
Saying I was remembering wrong..
It was hard to digest
For the best I guess…

So for now I will keep this down
This pain.