Delusions and extremism in 2020-2024

I was watching a movie about the true story of an Amish woman who was murdered. Before she was killed she said that God would protect her. Snorts and rolls eyes I wonder how many more centuries it’s going to take for people to wake the fuck up and admit and accept that we’re on our own, like it or not. On the other hand, sometimes I wish I had something I believed in so strongly, even if I was just kidding myself. Something that made me feel so safe, protected, and confident. But if you believe, for example, that your God won’t give you more than you can handle then you’re basically saying you believe you’re invincible and will never die. Believe as you will in the meantime, but someday you really are gonna get more than you can handle and it’s going to kill you because guess what? No one lives forever!

People have been brainwashed for centuries as far as this great and magical God is concerned. I wonder when people are going to wake up and see all the evil and horrible things that happen in this world and ask themselves how a good God could allow it. I watch Facebook reels at times and there were some horrifying clips of animals in Africa killing each other for food. That right there is enough to question the existence of a so-called loving God. Why not create a world where animals don’t have to savagely attack and kill each other to survive? Why not have them eat grass and trees or not need food that often at all?

It still must be fun to be locked inside this little bubble of delusion even if no God has ever been proven. I guess it’s like a coping mechanism for some people. Where some turn to drugs or alcohol, some turn to the God fantasy. It’s just that as an adult you should be smart enough to see it for what it is and that’s really no different than a child pretending to play with her/his imaginary friend. Adults should be able to distinguish the difference between reality and wishful thinking. Not something you deceive yourself into believing as a means of kidding yourself or as a weapon against others who are different than you.

Okay, enough God bitching and on to wondering why America has to be so damn extreme with everything, lol. Everything gets more and more enhanced and amplified. I miss the days when the low setting on fans really was low instead of high but not as high. Then there are the portion sizes in restaurants that keep getting bigger and bigger. Lights get brighter and brighter. Music gets louder and louder. Colors get more vivid although I’m okay with that one because I do love bright colors. It’s just that everything is overkill here and you wonder how far it’s going to go.

I have steel-cut oats for oatmeal and read that you can use it as breading so I breaded a chicken wing with it and it was OK. Not as good as the Italian-style panko breading I got.

Sometime I’m going to get caramel syrup as well as hot fudge and add it to plain yogurt and see how it comes out. It’s good when I add honey to plain yogurt so I don’t see why I wouldn’t like it.

The planes have been excessive and driving me crazy since I got up in the middle of the afternoon, and damn do I wish someone would finally do something about it! This is just ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to have a sound machine on after 10:00 PM to drown them out. I can’t even go 10 minutes without hearing one. I have complained in numerous places but all I get are links to forms I’ve already filled out and the same old run around which all equal zero results in the end. It’s like no one gives a shit.

Every night since getting the waterbed I have been able to remember my dreams which range from neutral to bad. Last night’s dreams weren’t bad, but they were weird.

Ray was our neighbor in the first dream like in real life. Only the community looked different. I looked out the bedroom window and saw that he had left his living room light on before leaving town for the summer.

Then I was outside gazing across the street at what appeared to be a three or four-story apartment building and noticing the bright colors they painted the stairs in.

In the dream, there was a gate between the two places leading to the backyards. I walked up to Ray’s window and suddenly noticed there were at least half a dozen people sitting in it. I quickly moved away and headed to the gate to go in back when a woman stepped outside and called me by a different name (Tina?). We seemed to kind of know each other. I didn’t want to chat with her or appear suspicious, so I told her I was just heading in back.

I don’t know, it was just one of those that made me wonder if it was in some other dimension.

I swear I had a dream about my SIL Mary too. She’s been showing up so much in my dreams that I checked obituaries but couldn’t find anything so I’m guessing we’ve been on her mind a lot lately and she’s been wondering about us. They say that when we think of someone, the thought vibrations are picked up by the person you’re thinking of. A part of me wishes she would contact us, but that wouldn’t be very easy because we’ve made sure we’re not easy to contact, mostly due to Tammy the termite and her narcissistic brats.

Anyway, Tom has no hard feelings toward her but does not seem to want to reconnect. It’s probably for the better because I know how it is; where there were past problems with a person you reconnect with, there will likely be future ones as well. The only one I forgave for being hurtful and lying to me that actually changed for the better was Aly. Everyone else I’ve ever forgiven or taken back into my life, I lived to regret. Liars, narcissists, judgmental people, selfish people, moody people… I can’t stomach them.