still here in Each Day

My feelings about M’s absence improve greatly when we’re able to talk on the phone. I hate the phone. But I also can’t infer M’s state of mind from texts, especially when they’re always angry ranty rapid fire. Then I talk to him and he sounds normal. Unhappy, sure, annoyed, yeah. But not spitting profanity and vitriol with every word.

I finished Jedi Fallen Order, and then I finished Jedi Survivor, and I’m like, 20h into Horizon Forbidden West… Last night I played for 5h straight without even realizing it. It’s a good game. I’m feeling slightly more critical of it, maybe because the first one was so good. They changed some of the mechanics of the game and I’m not sure why. And because I have rigid thinking, I’m trying to keep that in mind so I don’t get (too) annoyed.

Our D&D group has been fun. Wednesday nights (craft night) and Sunday mornings (D&D) have been the highlight of my week.

I don’t think I mentioned this before… A few weeks ago I made a complaint about a guy at work for making inappropriate (sexist) comments, and also for bullying people. I was going to go into detail, but it’s not worth my time. I made the complaint, and a few days later my boss pulled me into his office, with a mediator, and “mentored” me. It was actually really helpful. He was concerned about my use of the word bully, so I told him, “I watched him make a comment about someone’s appearance, and then that person came back to work with that appearance changed. I asked him why he changed it and he said he didn’t want to attract the negative attention of this person. Is that not bullying?” He made a face and said, “oh, this is bad”.
In my complaint I mentioned my need for justice, but did not give the context that I meant it in the neurodivergent sense, and how this need leads me to speak up when others can’t/won’t, and that it is FUCKING EXHAUSTING being that person, and I need others to step up. He misunderstood and gave me many examples of people with harassment complaints against them and the punishments they received. Of course, we don’t see these things happening unless we’re close to the people involved. They’re handled as private matters. So it was nice to be given examples that something is being done about bad behaviour.

All that to say, I have an appointment to discuss my complaint with the individual and our big boss. I knew this was coming, I had mentioned to my boss that I get emotionally dysregulated by the heat (It has been between 28-29C in our office for the last few weeks), and that I don’t want to have this conversation in our office because I’m already going to be high strung, I want to give myself my greatest opportunity to self regulate. I spoke to the big boss on Friday morning, and told him the same because I’m not entirely confident that my boss understood what I was saying, and I doubted he would have relayed this to the big boss.
So I have that to look forward to this week.

Something I’m actually looking forward to: M is home on Friday. I just want to sleep until then.

Oh, I also decided to submit the grievance about not getting my back pay. At worst, nothing will happen. At best, I will get the back pay. It’s due Friday, so that’s going to be my focus this week.

Lots of heavy shit. Hopefully once M is home we can work on getting him better, and at the very least we can self medicate with weed, ignore the world and go to town on each other. Hah.
He’s been working out since the New Year and been sending me pics of him in his underwear and I’m just like… duuuuuuuuddde. My husband is hot AF.

I have a headache again. Seems constant this last week and I’m not sure why.

Okay. Sleep time.

Last updated May 30, 2024