Neurodivergent Burnout? in Current Events

Social media has spawned a community of neurodivergents. I’ve mentioned it before and I find them very menacing. It’s another way people are getting their narcissist supply. Narcissism is not separate from anyone. I’m an evil fascist because I base my opinions of others solely on their character and choices. I don’t think anyone is brave or special for being fat, black, pansexual, religious, diseased, non-binary, neurodivergent, etc. We all have differences, what we do with them is what I look at. That is where I find people brave and special. Codependency is toxic. It is parasitic to the rest of us. I draw hard boundaries against people who do not have self-esteem, self-respect, self-worth, etc. I don’t want people in my life who need we-esteem, we-respect, and we-respect. We are adults, not children.

When you have boundaries, these narcissists think that you are a narcissist. You are emotionally unavailable. You do not have empathy. You are cold, heartless, close-minded. I can live with that. I’m not insecure. I do have empathy. More than I want. I am a people builder. Big time. Helping others on their journey whenever I can is just in my nature. I have to be selective. I learned my lesson the hard way. I have boundaries, they do not.

The world hates me and the feeling is mutual.

I am a liberal goldmine. I’m a POC, an LGBT, a neurodivergent, etc. People in my life love and hate me for me. I find so much beauty in that. I am very blessed. People value me for my character and my choices. The rest of it doesn’t matter to them as it doesn’t matter to me.

With that said, I do need to step back a bit and review my biases. An influencer that I follow had a public meltdown on his socials. His content is all about being neurodivergent. He has ADHD and autism. I only subscribe to him because his content haunts me. I also find him cute. Sagittarius I tell you. Last night he was crying about having neurodivergent burnout. His circumstances are not extraordinary. He has to be an adult and take care of things. He is finding it difficult, just like the rest of us. The 5G’s came to my mind. Good God Get a Grip Girl.

He’s a young adult. I’ve been there. I’ll probably be there again. Just something about a public display of attention, it’s ick. As kids would say today, no cap. I have a buddy on here who is going through it as well. It’s hard to witness because I want to be there. However, I would be the last person they want around them. It is what it is.

I have a lot of experience with anxiety and depression. These don’t go away, I’ve had these passengers since I was four. I have more on that in my previous entry, which is an exclusive entry. I learned how to live with these passengers. These come with gifts. People come to me all the time when their mood disorders become full-blown. Attacks, suicidal ideations, the works. They make you short-sighted. It’s a lot of work. I try to be supportive where it makes sense. It’s hard to witness them go down the wrong path. There is a wrong path. A neverending one. You spend your whole life trying to outrun your shadow. You cannot.

Vibe Check
I’m back in my fuck it era. I don’t want to care anymore. There is a common saying if I had half a mind I would [blank]. That is where I’m at. That’s the vibe. I only have half a mind. My brain has 69 tabs open and I don’t know which one the music is coming from. I can only give half a mind. That is it. That is my all. There are resources everywhere. I need to take action and get this in check. I’m in denial about having high-functioning ADHD. This is making my life hard to manage, it is time that I admit it. Knowing the problem is half of the solution.

I have two tests this week. One tomorrow and one on Wednesday. I’m not prepared. I was very confident about my last ones and then I was disappointed when I got them back last week. I was prepared like never before and got the same grades I always get. What’s the point? I am not doing my best, of course. [Insert Usual Diatribe Here]

School sucks. I hate it. Work sucks. I hate it. The world sucks. I hate it. (I don’t hate the world). If I had half a mind I would drop out. Luckily I have 51% of a mind. I will talk to my teachers. I know that they will let me take these tests next week. I can get tutoring for my chem class. I’m doing better in physics, go figure. I need to get my mind in the game again. That glorious mindset and drive that I had at the beginning of February, I want that back. I want that back real bad. It took a crisis. It always takes a crisis. I can only work under pressure. Surface pressure. I am self-sabotaging, which is hard to see. I have underlying issues that I need to realize and alchemize.

My modified diet is going better, but not well. My symptoms, I can’t tell if they are improving or not. I keep accidentally breaking my diet. Corn starch this time. This is a big learning curve. My hair loss is worse than ever. I switched from DMSO to Minoxidil. It sped up. I can use both. Of course, the issue is my protein deficiency. The cause of this is low levels of stomach acid. The cause of that is… long-term stress. When I look back at old selfies, I can see when it started. 2016 roughly. 2012 to be exact. I was exactly where that influencer is, the one I mentioned. I had a nervous breakdown(s).

My work has a resource that I am going to take full advantage of. I have free access to a plethora of free resources. From stress management to financial advice to investment advice to mental health help. I downloaded the app. I will reach out.

Anyway, time for dinner. Then I got to hit the books. These units were hard. I couldn’t keep up. I let it get away from me. Good God Get a Grip Girl.