Happenings in Current Events

I am not in control today. I don’t even care.

I soaked in the tub when I got home. Did a detox bath. I lay naked in bed after. On a towel for a half hour because I continue to sweat, which is the point. I passed out which doesn’t happen. I missed my test. I’ll be able to make it up, I don’t need to be chicken little about it.

I can’t remember her name but a young woman at work offered to send me all of her notes from university. Her chem and bio notes. She usually sells them because she does tutoring. This is so kind of her.

I really don’t want to care anymore. That’s the vibe. I’ve hit that burnout mode where I feel like I have 99 problems but I got to study. School sucks but so does my future if I give up.

My store does not measure our performance. We do not have reviews. We just have check-ins where we create goals. If we are waiting for a review to talk about any performance issues then the management is not doing their job, in my opinion. She started by saying that I am very social. She explained that she wants me to learn how to work while talking, in a captured essence. She did not say that verbatim. I asked for an example of when I failed to do that. If she could show me where it shows in my work. She admitted that she couldn’t because she hadn’t been watching me that closely. The conversation went well otherwise. She seems to have a problem with everybody coming to me before they go to her with any questions or concerns. That’s the impression I got. I make things make sense. I’m personable and I make myself available. She has a very bad reputation.

I don’t like the climate at work right now. Marcello and Stephen both run away from me. They don’t want our supervisor to see us talking. I was mentioned in their check-ins. I don’t vibe, I radiate. They’re just drawn to me. We are social creatures. I feel like I am being isolated. There was a moment when she came up to me today to tell me what it looks like when managers walk by and see me leaning. She wasn’t mad. She is always very passive when she communicates anything to me. 3 minutes before she walked by, Aman was sitting on the floor because her feet were sore. My back is sore so I was leaning against a shelf while I was fighting with the work phone. I don’t want to overthink anything here. Those managers, by the way, would only come up to me to chit-chat. They offload. I’m a magnet for that.

She is a micromanager. We have to be included in the store meetings on Mondays now and she wants us to contribute but no more than three sentences. Literally, just three sentences. She wants me to be the one to contribute to the conversation. I’m not scared of public speaking there. I have a relationship with everybody.

I really have been a slacker at work though. I’m part-time now so I only care part-time now. I’ve tried to get a full-time position for 3 years. I did get that temp one but they couldn’t make it permanent. They did take me part-time permanently. I’m not bitter, I’m unsweetened. I think my supervisor wishes that I was on board full-time. She is in over her head right now. I make a huge difference.

Denise, another vendor, saw that I had an airpod in. I was listening to my audiobook. She asked if we were allowed to do that. She doesn’t want to get in trouble because she is a vendor. I told her that I would just play dumb and say that I forgot to take it out. I’ll get the benefit of the doubt at least once. I only do it in the mornings when it is slow. I inspired her to try as well. She is a charming Taurus, she could get away with murder. Other bad advice I gave was to smokers. Just get a vape and vape in the universal bathroom like a normal person. That’s exactly what they do now. Oops.

The Body Keeps The Score is what I am listening to. He started to get into it and my mind kept getting blown. I have to listen to this over the weekend so I can focus better. I can tell that this book is going to be very impactful. It already made me come undone and it was just from the intro. There I was crying on my walk to the gym on the weekend. I reached out to a psychologist for cognitive behavioral therapy. I’ll see if he is accepting patients at this time. I don’t know how I will source it but I will figure it out. I think this should be a priority. We can all see that I struggle to will myself to do things. My family doctor recommended this to me a long ass time ago.

On a dating app, somebody drop-dead gorgeous with a wholesome profile description reached out and said hello. There is no way that he is real. We shall see what happens. Probably nothing. I’m still finding Habibi.

TMI WARNING
I don’t know what I did to my lungs the other evening but it felt like I drained it of built-up mucus. My airways were wide open. The orgasms I was having after that… I have never experienced it to this degree and I can tell that it wasn’t even on the full setting. My ears felt like they were going to start popping, it was that intense. I’ve never done ecstasy but every nerve was activated. It didn’t matter where I touched, it was orgasmic. I didn’t even need to do anything more than just breathe. My breaths were orgasmic. It didn’t stop when I wanted it to. I had to fall asleep with it. ‘Twas interesting.

I shall go study for my physics test now that I have tomorrow. Which I am not ready for. It’s just more of the same math we have been doing. So is the chem one. The unit is on solubility equilibrium. These are the units I fell behind on when I was sick. I never did get myself caught up over spring break. I got addicted to my game. Hence, cognitive behavioral therapy. I hope the one I reached out to is accepting new patients.