About Time in Whatever Will Be Will Be

Sadly, this is neither an “About Time” as in something expected but delayed happened. Nor is this “About Time” the Rachel McAdams film from 2013. Nor is it the K-Drama originally titled “Meomchoogo Sipeun Soongan: Eobawoottaim”. This is mostly just how time is… bizarre. In one of the most emotionally impactful episodes of Angel Season One, Angel goes to speak with Oracles but forgets to bring a tribute. So, he hastily improvises and offers his watch (not that I’d ever specifically seen him wearing a watch before). Upon accepting the tribute, the Female Oracle (as that is how she is listed in the script) says, “I like Time. There’s so little and so much of it.” And that is certainly how I’ve been feeling… well… off and on for forever!

On so many things but possibly nothing more than the job. As opposed to most previous weeks; this week, I’ve actually appropriately been scheduling without expecting miracles. If this task takes you ten minutes… schedule it for ten minutes. Don’t schedule it for 4 minutes and find yourself constantly buried by the four dozen tasks you didn’t actually get to that day. That said? It also means that there are tasks I’m scheduling for “later days” that might significantly bite me in the ass! But this whole… thing… of the job… actually feels like it is directly dulling my brain. When the whole point was to come to this market to expand my brain.
You see… in my last job, I was stressed to hell on the Special Victims Stuff but my job was fairly varied. I’d have maybe two to four jury trials a year; deal with all sorts of crazies, still did the Pro Se traffic and simple misdemeanors, and did the Juvenile Law docket. It was a much smaller county but coming out of the pandemic was really the time I felt most “I’m buried by all this work.” Then we have what I’m doing now. Essentially, take what I was doing before… but remove most of the departments… and increase the volume by a factor of no less than 14. So… I’m just slamming up against Pro Se stuff constantly, every day, all the time, non-stop. And then periodically, almost like a very rude ambush, suddenly WHAM- an attorney pops up. Now there is a very real difference between “WHAM- an attorney pops up” and “WOOSH- an attorney shows up.” WOOSH is when an attorney swoops in to make something go more smoothly for all parties involved, protecting Defendant’s rights while simultaneously making sure that our overtaxed court system is not additionally unduly burdened. The “WHAM” is quite the opposite of that. That’s an attorney popping up to intentionally try to act as a wall, an impediment, and making sure the Court has to spend considerably more time on a matter than it otherwise would have. MY BIGGEST PROBLEM… I’m buried under so much constant Pro Se Bullshit that my “professional attorney, do things with the intelligence and decorum you were trained for” is gone. ENTIRELY replaced with a cartoon figure of an attorney that attempts to handle everything like a lowest-common-denominator conversation. Because my high lofty “Be it so remembered in the Court of Law that on such day” is gone. Has been entirely wiped out by this place and the over the top number of Pro Se dealings I have.

And the problem that is causing… just… all of this? Is getting worse. BECAUSE we have such an abysmal lack of Defense Attorneys in the area… we are basically in a “any warm body with a law license will do” situation. Which leads to things like this morning. One of my colleagues was prepared for a jury trial. They had done everything they were supposed to. They are one of our best. They were prepared to go and knew that this case would be the one that got heard in the Highest Court for our County because of the level of offense. EXCEPT this morning, Defense Counsel filed (at 7 am)
- Motion to Continue
- Motion to Dismiss
- Motion to Change Venue
- Motion to Withdraw
- Motion in Limine
- Motion to Exclude Witnesses
- Motion for Depositions
........................................................ I appreciate that those not involved in the law may not instantly be as incredulous as I am… which is, I guess, great proof that while I have lost almost everything I’ve learned in Law School and through my career… at least I still have something more than a laymen. BUT…MANY OF THOSE MOTIONS CONTRADICT THEMSELVES and MOST OF THOSE MOTIONS SHOULD HAVE BEEN FILED MUCH LONGER AGO THAN THE MORNING OF TRIAL!! Now here’s the thing… at least THREE of the Defense Attorneys working this area now are like this.... are like the “The Defendant would have been better off without counsel!” We have, if you do no further digging, around 15 or so Criminal Defense Attorneys for a high crime community with a population north of 130,000 people. But, if you do decide to dig, you’ll run into Conflicts and how that massively impacts that number. Because that 15 covers the Public Defender’s Office. So if the Public Defender’s Office conflicts out (which they often do) that takes that 15 and drops it down to half. So now you’ve got “around 7” attorneys to represent the literal thousands of cases per year… and even in that number we have the “3 Defense Attorneys that are essentially just warm bodies with law licenses. So… I feel like my professional mind has almost completely evaporated which actually means I stress out even more when I wind up having to do something serious in this job like a Jury Trial or Suppression Hearing or… y’know… the things actual attorneys do! And that’s really bad because if some of today’s filings are correct? The job didn’t ask me if I was going to step up and fill in for attorneys who’ve left and were never replaced. The job didn’t offer me more money to step up and fill in for attorneys who’ve left and were never replaced. They just started assigning me cases of the attorneys who’ve left and were never replaced. Which… I find ENTIRELY unethical and unreasonable. I’m the lowest paid peon because I handle the lowest severity of crimes. I handle.... a MUCH higher volume than the rest of the office; but I was told that since I handle the lowest severity of crime- I’m the lowest paid. If you’re going to start assigning me more of the higher severity crimes- at the very least I deserve a commensurate bump in pay. AT THE VERY LEAST.

And then that just… gets me thinking about my State Government. Who is pushing harder to topple public schools, remove abortion access for all (without exceptions to IVF or Miscarriage), who just passed a bill authorizing Christian Businesses to refuse service to LGBTQIA people........ yeaaaaaaaah. Every one I know whose intelligence I respect has been telling the newer generations “You must leave this state. In order to have a future where brain drain is not a function of the system; you must leave this state.” And on the radio yesterday, a local GOP politician had the gall to say that our state was “increasing in population while states like Minnesota were decreasing because of our excellent governing.” Fortunately, his ass got fact-checked on air, because our population has been dwindling with people moving to Minnesota because of their Teacher Support and LGBTQIA support and Abortion Access support. Because FUNNY THAT how people prefer to live in places where their government is not actively attacking them or their livelihood or their right to exist or their right to medical care. ODD, what a thing to have happened. /s Also, just… honestly getting numb to how confidently the local GOP is just “I’ll state the direct opposite of what our polling and research suggests because I can do that now. People will believe me over the actual facts and if there’s any pushback, they’ll just say FACTS OVER FEELINGS… despite the fact that they are using that phrase to directly reject facts.” What a world.

I’m sorry. I’ve just been… in a mood regarding work and the state of my State… and state of our country. I honestly don’t see anyway to actively positively change things right now. And trust me, the “Just move” response… not gonna do it. The “recklessly quit your job and hope that the universe just catches you”… not gonna do it. In some weird ways, I tend to be a little more practical. But therein lies the trouble. The practical response for work? JUST… do whatever the hell you want to do. As long as you stay at a “Does his job 90% of the time”… they don’t have the luxury of losing you. And that’s true. And a big part of things as, when I’m back in a show, this exact job tends to be okay for that. So, when I’m feeling stuck in the job, that just means I need to make double sure to get my ass into a show so I’m acting and doing what I actually came out here to do. As for the State and the Nation? I just feel powerless there. Even as a Government Employee- I just… my government (state) is willfully, passionately, and dangerously ignoring me and everyone like me… because they figured the harder they went FULL MAGA, the less they had to worry about VOTERS. And because that’s my STATE response… the NATIONAL discourse more and more turning to “Technically, fascism is okay as long as the fascists say they’re Christian. I mean, they don’t have to live those values; just talk about them. Then it’s okay.” I don’t know. Just feeling.... like that… more and more.

Last updated April 09, 2024