Things are okay. in Since OD is shutting down....

My daughter went with her Dad on Saturday afternoon. She stayed with them and then they took her to school this morning. He messaged saying she was crying when it was time to say goodbye. I told her you have to stay in her life. I am definitely glad that she goes with them and I’m able to just focus on work and not have to worry.

I went out with my brother and his girlfriend Saturday night. I had my first date with someone the Sunday before last. I really like him and feel like I’m falling for him. Well things were definitely amazing the first few days. He had been spending the night and making effort everyday to see me and then it fell off. Saturday night he had called where I didn’t word things correctly and wasn’t communicating so he ended up telling me that I wasn’t a priority and I was jealous of his kids. Then I started drinking and we went to the bar. I met up with a guy that I had been talking to but it wasn’t a fun thing. All He did was bitch about his ex wife for over an hour and then I left through a door where he couldn’t see me. I didn’t even bother saying goodbye.

I worked all day yesterday and didn’t get home until about 8pm. I spent the whole day in my head with everything and was really sad. I just wish I understood why relationships bring more stress than happiness. I had checked Facebook where he had posted going out with his kid and having a good time doing stuff. Meanwhile, I’m just by myself in my own thoughts.

He text me this morning saying he was going to come over this afternoon because he wants to talk. I said that I’d rather know now if he’s going to end things. He said he just wants to talk. I don’t think he’s going to break up with me, but I do think he’s going to basically tell me that he’ll be around when he can and I’m to cling to breadcrumbs like I’ve done in other relationships. If he says that to me, I’m going to plan to keep dating. I need more than that.

I’ve been cleaning and organizing today. I wanted to work but it’s just not busy. I’m going to check the mail and hope my thing is in there for me to fill out so I can get that extra money. I have paid a couple of bills until May but I plan to pay another month in advance. It just makes me feel less anxiety because then I’m caught up because otherwise I’m scared I’ll forget to pay and then have an extra fee.