Everything is great and I'm sad. in Each Day

Been doing some grade A Adulting lately, and feeling pretty good about things. But M leaves in 8h and I’m going to miss the shit out of him.

A week ago I finally saw an optometrist. He did all the fun tests (except the dilation one) and determined that wearing glasses could help/solve the headache problem. I am hopeful, but not convinced because I’ve had headaches since I was 21, and my vision was “perfect” then.
It took a ridiculous amount of “research” to understand the world of glasses. The Dr wanted me to get “anti fatigue” lenses, which are basically baby progressives for computer users/avid readers (and which I’m realising are REALLY going to help my embroidery, which I sometimes struggle to see details that close).
On Saturday I finally found a deal I could live with, after the pair I had “decided on” turned out to be about $650. Instead I am getting two pairs for $520. Fortunately our benefits covers $375 of that, too. The glasses I picked were cute (I think), one red/white ombre cat eye style, and one black/grey ombre rectangular style. I should get them in about 10 days.

Therapy has been going well. I know they’re not supposed to praise patients, but considering self-assuredness is one of the key things I’m working on, she’s been very vocal about how I’m going about things the “right way”. The last two sessions she’s given me a little note to consider. The first was “Is this helpful in the moment?” to help me get out of negative loops. And last weeks was “recognising when I need to step back. Wisdom & Self care vs failure/fuck-up.”
Have I mentioned how much I love it when I can induce a professional to swear?

Then on Thursday we met with our financial lady, who I adore. We met in January to discuss getting our shit together, and this was the follow up. We discussed joint finances, and I found myself being really resistant to it. I said I don’t want to be resistant, but I don’t feel good about it. We talked a whole lot more about it. M said some really important things about how he never took responsibility and that things won’t be like that this time. But I also didn’t feel comfortable taking over his bank account (since the mortgage comes out of that, I’m joining his account), because we both need our own “play” money, so he agreed to get a savings account. But when we went on Monday to try to set that up, it didn’t quite happen, so it’s a work in progress.
I started our taxes last week, but since M’s been a ball of stress getting ready to leave I decided to leave him alone about finishing them until this weekend. He’s got flights and a drive through Toronto and then testing on Thursday, so after that I figure it’s safe to start talking about taxes again. Hah.

I’m hopefully seeing Bastet this weekend. Orphan’s Beer Brunch is on Friday, and Red convinced me to join them at a weird al themed drag show on Thursday.

I’ve spent most of today avoiding my feelings because I didn’t want to bring the mood down, but I also had to stifle tears a few times. This is the bitch of learning how to “feel my feelings” because now when I have to gird myself against reality I am woefully unprepared.
I’m going to be a mess tomorrow.

Last updated April 02, 2024