Monday. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s another snowy/crappy day. We’re staying home because the roads are covered with ice and snow. There’s no travel advised all over the state and it’s just another day to stay in. I’m still really stressed out about my situation and I go over it all day long in my head. I just wish people understood that I can’t do it all on my own. That’s what I’ve done all along and it’s gotten to the point where unless I have help, we’re never going to get anywhere. I don’t want to be stuck in this forever. I have a friend that basically says being poor isn’t that bad and it keeps you humble. I told her yeah I grew up like that and my daughter shouldn’t have to.

I honestly feel that everyone has helped keep us down and do what they can to keep abusing me financially. I would feel a lot better about all this if everyone owned up to the part they’ve played. This shit isn’t fucked up because of me or me not wanting to work. I like earning my own money and taking care of my child and our expenses. There’s just only so much I can do without any help.

I’ve spent a lot of time on Google to figure out what age you can leave your kids home alone and if I could end up in trouble and all that. I’m pretty confused and even on here, people say for me to just get cameras. It’s just crazy that no one thinks it’s a big deal at all.

So, a camera has been purchased. I have been messaging people on Facebook for weeks now. Most of them don’t bother to respond. Probably because they don’t want to help or want an insane amount of money. My Mom is completely unreliable and paying her is going to become expensive as shit too. It is never a good idea for her to babysit. It just never works out. It honestly becomes financially and emotionally taxing.

It’s really unfortunate that everyone sucks. I talked to my friend yesterday who says for us to come down there tomorrow and just stay for like a week. Well, that would be ok for the time being but then I’m going to come home and still not have a sitter. I also don’t know how easy it would be to get my brother to come take care of my cats, I know he wouldn’t do it for a week. He’s never been much help and I wouldn’t want to be reliant on his ‘help’ for more than a couple of days.

I have to get my medication tomorrow and I’m going to leave my daughter home while I run and get it. She’s aware of it and is totally fine with staying home. We’ll see how that goes before I decide to be gone for like an hour and a half. My other friend said this morning that it sucks I’m not in contact with neighbors and could at least have them check on her. All I know is we’ll get through this. I’m honestly more concerned about my daughter telling someone than anything bad happening. She’s very mature for her age and I know she’ll be just fine.

Since my Mom babysat on Friday and Saturday, the chances of her babysitting again anytime soon are probably slim. I could ask for tomorrow but I know she’s going to just have some excuse. I am scared that if I just sit around all week in hopes she’ll babysit over the weekend that she won’t show up and then I’ve wasted the whole week thinking I’ll make money on Saturday and Sunday and I know that’s not going to happen. I think it’s bullshit that she’s not comfortable with the idea of me leaving my daughter for a couple of hours but she’s not wiling to watch her either. Again, I’d love for EVERYONE to tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do!!

Even my friend asked this morning where her Dad is. I wouldn’t mind asking him but we know how that goes. He would probably help once and then not worry about her again for another 6 months because that’s how this has always gone. Then I have my daughter upset and devastated that her Dad dipped out like usual.