Day one in Bittersweet

I had a mini panic attack on my way to work. Thinking about some of the kiddos that often come on fridays. our THREE teens groups we run on friday. Thinking what would one do if they were confronted with a shooter? Like the instinct to protect those kids. What would you do....
I sucked it up..
When I walked out the door, T put my pistol in my hand and said I need to carry it now. I need to think about my own safety and protection. I get that my boss isnt a fan but its also ones right to protect themselves.
I had a couple people apologize to me for making a big eal about of locks on their doors after my comment of im going to die in order for you to lock your door. They said they werent even think about what it was like for other people who DONT have protections. This is why so many places have desks with barriers on them.

We walked in today to every door having a external bolt lock on it. ( and a new bathroom vanity!)
We had the panic buttons on the way. One of the therapists called me to tell me she talked to her dad about doing Concealed carry classes and that he also suggested that we put wasp spray in each reception desk. Its easy to use and will take down a human. Good idea. My idea of a taser was shot down.

R also said her dad told her she needs to carry her gun too. She said shes bringing it regardless of what CEO feels.
I got logged into our security sytem on my work phone today. I adjusted and had reception move all the cameras around for better views. I stuck mine right in the middle of the room where it faces directly the door and you can see me, ceos door and clinical directors door in one view. I know R will make me move it monday because you can see it when you walk in. and she dosent want clients to feel like we are watching them or it to be really visible.. Clinical director and I feel better with it front and center. But I know its going to be moved Monday…
T is livid about that. Aesthetics shouldn’t come before safety.
It was a on edge day. Z and another therapist kept hanging out in the waiting room with me. We kept the front door locked. J came in on his day off and brought us pie and bread. He was patrolling in between sessions yesterday checking on everyone.

Nothing happened.
Like I told R though. This week we are on edge. Next week will be a bit better. The week after will be a bit better. The reality is we will calm down and feel comfortable. BUT a shooter can come any time. And we wont have warning… If it happens, it will happen.

R said thatshe felt like we worked in a safe place. Its a extremely well respected place… It was safe. it dosent feel safe…
It will again..
But we are never safe. Any more then you are safe driving to work… People die from car accidents every day. You arent even safe in your house. You never know… We cant not live…