Is it broken? in 2023

I cleaned today. Finally. It was so gross in here. I hadn’t shampooed the carpet in weeks. That doesn’t sound terrible, for normal peoples carpets, but I’m not normal and neither are my 50 year old disgusting carpets.

Smells nice in here now though. I use liquid Gain laundry detergent in a spray bottle diluted way down with water and spritz my carpets, extra spritz in extra gnarly spots, and then use straight hot water in my shampooer to rinse rinse rinse. At least it smells nice now. Looks better too.

It’s 20°C currently. At 4:30pm in the middle of March. It looks, feels, smells like spring out there. Spring. Again. I used to love spring.

Cleaning quieted my head. Everything is broken inside. Nothing makes sense. Heavy. Dark. Endless.

I should shower. I’m tired. Sleep is being a bitch again. I don’t want to take the meds to sleep. It’s not just the bad taste it leaves the next day .. it’s .. idk. I just don’t want more meds. Meds don’t make it ok. They don’t make me okay.

Maybe I’ll nap and then shower.

Why does everything keep going.