It's finally Friday. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’m just waiting to make some money. I’ve showered, eaten, and wearing a fresh set of clothes. I think I’m going to buy my kid a new cell phone. I’m probably going to run and do that. I’m hoping to make some decent money over the weekend. It’s been pretty slow everyday.

So, I really text him from my daughter’s phone last night. He answered. After I told him who I was, I was fully expecting him to tell me to fuck off. He didn’t. He’s been going through some stuff. He went to the psych ward and now he’s in a half way house type thing but he’s hoping they let him out next week. He still has his apartment and has mentioned coming to spend the night when he’s back.

But yeah, it’s sad that it’s cheaper to buy my kid a cell phone, pay for service, buy her snacks and drinks at the gas station than it is having my Mom watch her. I still remember how miserable it was when she did watch her and I will NEVER deal with all of that again. She had this attitude that I wasn’t allowed to have boundaries with her because if I tried to draw a line in the sand, she’d go MIA because she wanted to hurt me through my kid. My Mom is a very malicious creature who should have never been a parent. I think she has serious issues with maturity and lacks emotional intelligence.

With this boy, I can say I’ve learned some things. First of all, I need to not be so quick to shut down and block people out of my life. He wasn’t deserving of that and I will think twice before I ever do it again. It’s about showing others grace and having it for myself. I need to be mindful of the fact that not all men are the same or that they are all out to hurt me. This one is truly a good person. He’s got a good heart and I need to give him a real chance. I also need to give myself grace. I do believe that I’m healed from my past, just protective of my heart.

I have to understand that being with him is going to require patience. I don’t have much of that but I don’t want to miss out on a great love because I wanted everything to be perfect. It’s not realistic here in the real world. True love takes patience, understanding, and the will to keep going everyday, even when things are the hardest.