*He* is revealed in The OpenDiary (OD) Days!

He is revealed… - 10/12/2005

<font color="#ccffcc">Okay before you all get excited, I’m writing this entry right after my last one - It was previously going to be privatised, but I’m allowing my fav’s to read it.  Please be careful in your response to it if you read it cos I’m shit scared enough as it is.</font>

<font color="#ccffcc">Who is he?  The mystery guy I’ve been going on about for ages?  Well his name starts with the letter, "A".  That could be a variety of names - Adam, Aiden, Andrew, Alex, Ayman, Arnold, Axle - but no, none of those.  His name is Aaron.  Yes Aaron.  He = Aaron.  I have permission to use his name now so it’s okay.</font>

<font color="#ccffcc">I hung out with him yesterday afternoon at Capalaba.  I originally suggested meeting him at Cleveland cos I’d never been there before.  I left the house here at around 1ish I think, a few hours after Luke had left for work.  Aaron finished work at 3:30pm, and changed there.  I met him at Capalaba Shopping Centre cos there was more to do there.  We just hung out there for ages, and checked out all the music/DVD stores.  I ended up buying the new Tina Cousins single "Come To Me" and a double set of Kylie Minogue DVD’s.  God I’m gay LOL.  It was so much fun hanging out wit him.  We hung out for about 6 hours or so, and he took me to Wellington point where we spent the whole time tickling or trying to trip each other over.  At one point we were rolling around on the grass, and my arms were all inchy, most probably from either a reaction to the grass against my shin, or mozzies in the grass.  Aaron suggested it could be mozzies.  It was a lot of fun though.  He’s a real itneresting guy to hang with.  It just sucks he doesn’t want a relationship, but after the events of the past 2 days, I guess I’m wondering whether I’m worthy for one myself.  We went to Hog’s Breath Cafe at Loganholme for dinner and I really enjoyed it.  The staff were really friendly too and the meals were somewhat decently priced. Then he drove back to the carpark at Capalaba and we just laid in the car talking to each other for ages and half cuddling half tickling each other.  I’d never hurt him and he’d never hurt me.  I never want to hurt anyone.  It’s just all these strange things happen, I’m just trying not to worry so much these days, cos there’s really not much point, it doesn’t get you anywhere.  It just stalls you from living on your life.  I contemplated telling Aaron what happened, but I’ll tell the truth, I was afraid of how he’d react.  I know I’m not even going out with him yet, but I still felt bad.  Should I have?  Luke knows I see Aaron, but knows he only wants to be friends with me.  If he knew we were together or dating, he wouldn’t have taken any part in what happened.  That’s just the type of people we are.  I don’t believe I did anything wrong, just had a bit of fun.  But Aaron I really care about.  You can say I’m bullshitting all you want but it’s true.  I just like spending time with him, and if anything more happens, then great!  If anything less happens, then great as well.  We said our goodbyes and left for home.  I nearly fell asleep a few times at the wheel i was so exhausted, but I just made it home :)  Aaron always asks me to msg him when I get home so he knows i got home safe.  He’s a sweety.</font>

<font color="#ccffcc">I hung out with him today as well.  He came over to my place after i finished work today and we watched the Kylie "Fever" live concert DVD.  Definitely not bad.  We just cuddled.  He always smells so nice.  You know how guys have a distinct smell?  Like a nice smell.  It’s just their smell, or the type of deodorant they wear or their hair gel.  It just sucks we are both scared about what we want.</font>

<font color="#ccffcc">Just had a phone call from Luke.  He couldn’t get his internet to work, and I spent ages trying to figure out what was wrong, but to no avail.  he said he needs a nerdy person to help figure it out lol.  He then later on admitted that wasn’t the only reason he rang… The poor guy just pretty much poured his heart out to me.  He admitted a lot of stuff to me, how he still has feelings for me and still loves me.  He explained exactly why he broke up with me and how now that he’s had time away from me, he feels hollow, like a massive part of him is missing.  My gosh, it was like a 10 minute monologue.  How am I suppose to feel?  I am extremely flattered that I make him feel this way.  I had to be honest with him.  I told him about Aaron and how we both don’t know what we want, and he said he thought there was something more going on there.  I pretty much said I hate getting myself into situations, like him hating me cos of Aaron and Aaron hating me cos of him.  I keep thinking to myself that I talk about Luke way too much to Aaron, and that Aaron gets annoyed, but he always is genuinely interested in what I have to say about him.  Luke said he doesn’t want me to have to choose between two people, and that I shouldn’t have to choose, I’d just know.  I told him that I still care for him deeply.  He said he agreed, but caring for someone and loving someone are two completely different things.  I said that was true.  I also said that if and when the timing is right, I’d love to go out with him again, but right now, it’s not right.  Not with what’s going on right now.  We’re both still single but I can’t hurt Aaron’s feelings if Aaron and I do happen to become more, or if we become more.  If we don’t, who knows.  I can’t exactly just go running back to Luke - we’d have to work our way back up to where we were.  I think right now being single is the safer option.  My mind’s a mess, I so didn’t ever expect this in my life.  Does life ever stop getting interesting?  GOD!</font>

<font color="#ccffcc">Speaking of God, my friend John found God.  He just got back from a camp his new church invited him on, and he rang me a few nights ago saying "I’ve found God."  i can relate cos I know what the feeling’s like and how incredibly high you feel from it, it’s like a supernatural unbelievable spiritual high all in one and you’re so relaxed, free and happy.  Of course since then a lot has happened to turn me away from the church, although I’ll always have my beliefs.  I said to him, "I’m very happy for you, but if you turn against me like so many other people seem to have, that’ll be it - our friendship may be no more" (hopefully he won’t) - cos there’s nothing more I hate more than hypocritical Christians - the kind who are nice to your face but then tell you subtly/vaguely or bluntly that you’re gunna go to hell for being gay.  those types of people should burn in hell.  </font>

<font color="#ccffcc">What a nice way to end an entry  :)</font>

<font color="#ccffcc">Love you all!</font>

<font color="#ccffcc">-Matt</font>

Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------

sigh of relief I saw that “A” and then you said, “well it could be a bunch of names …” and then I saw that you wrote Andrew and I had a mini-panic attack. Hahaha.
I’m sorry you’re confused. And I don’t wanna be harsh but a lot of the confusion is brought upon by you. You always seem to find yourself in the exact same situations and the confusion isn’t going to stop until that changes. [Rachel Erin] 10/11/2005 12:16:03 PM

huge hugs
I love you to pieces Matt. I know you know that and that’s why I’m honest in what I say. I just don’t want to see you hurt and confused anymore.
huge hugs again
And that’s really great about your friend John. [Rachel Erin] 10/11/2005 12:16:48 PM

I had a friend who told me I was going to hell. I didn’t mind because she was a tramp and I knew she’d be there with me. :)

Hope everything goes good with Aaron! [SilverScorp83] 10/11/2005 12:17:31 PM

Aaron is my most favourite name ever. Seriously. I’m so glad for you! And yeah, mate… the thing I like most about guys is the distinct smell of ‘em.

Ehh, that sounded disgusting, didn’t it. But you know what I mean, so I won’t elaborate, =)

RYN: You’ll get one too! I know it. Everyone gets one eventually, it’s like law of nature, =P

Keep smiling, cutie. kisses [Nesstwy.] [p] 10/11/2005 12:20:51 PM

honestly luke is right all you have to do is follow your heart....think about it you and luke did all that stuff the last entry and obviously you still ove him to death otherwise you wouldn’t have or you wouldn’t have felt bad about doing it....you should continue to be friends with aaron and tell luke you want to take it slow and go back out again only this time not move in with each other cont.. [mymindslife] [p] 10/11/2005 12:28:48 PM

and just date again for a few months or whatever....there is still a bond there between the two of you and it hasn’t been broken yet.... so just go over your feelings and hang out on a date yes a date with the two of em on seperate occasions and see how you feel after each date and that shall give you your answer…hope all goes well..... [mymindslife] [p] 10/11/2005 12:31:09 PM

awwww I hope you get want you need from life.. It’s giving you alot of things right now to work on…Aaron sounds like a cutie,I so know that smell. Chris sent me one of his tee shirts and I can’t take it off and I love knowing he been wearing it....
Just take things slow and it will all work out for ya..
I agree those kinda people should burn in hell…People can’t help who they like and love.. [Mermy] 10/11/2005 1:04:43 PM

I think people should be free to be who they want and have fun…If we go to hell for thinking the way we do oh well party in the hot house lol!!!
Huggs Mermz
[Mermy] 10/11/2005 1:06:14 PM

Goodluck with the boy and hopefully things go your way. =)

:licks:

Oh, and yes MJ is the man. =) Favourite songs?

Take care, [October Boy] 10/11/2005 1:26:49 PM

The A name is Aaron? Damn. And I was pulling for Atticus!!!

LOL sorry… one of those moods today! [LegallyGay80] 10/11/2005 1:47:57 PM

don’t take this offensively, but it seems to me that despite ‘loving’ luke it didn’t take you months and years to get over him. but that’s a good thing, and maybe I have the wrong perception of love. but i’m glad you found this boy. i know it’s hard, though, when not everyone wants what you want. that’s the story of my life. everyone’s f</x>uck friend, but not boyfriend.
sighs,
[Prince Zidane] [p] 10/11/2005 1:53:00 PM

<font color="orange"> ooOoO his name is aaron!!!! what a hot name… (ps–> my name is ERIN haha). i’ve always liked it wayyy better for a boy.
xox
[[disco-lemonade]] 10/11/2005 2:16:27 PM

Wow…I can tell you’re going through alot. Hey, life never settles down; but thats the best part.

Being stuck in the middle is the worst; I have no words of sparkling wisdom or earth-shattering advice. All I know is that in these situations, all you can do is trust your heart. You and Aaron sound so cute; the tickling, the cuddling, etc. Ha ha…a Kylie song just came on the radio as I’m… [yellow_bull] 10/11/2005 2:59:16 PM

(cont.)…typing this note! =) Fate! Gosh…when my mind is a mess, I go for a nice long run, with some great music on headphones. Running makes my chest hurt, but fills my veins with fresh air. It makes me think a little better. Or it makes me see things from a different angle that 20 minutes can add. All in all, hang in there, hon. You’re too cool to be in Australia! =) [yellow_bull] 10/11/2005 3:00:38 PM

Dude, whomever you end up with will have to be the luckiest guy on earth, well, next to me that is. I’m pretty lucky to have my guy! Take care Matt and may God bless. [C-Dub85] 10/11/2005 3:12:22 PM

Very exciting stuff. Big hugs to you… [LilGayBoiBluEyes] 10/11/2005 4:05:25 PM

whatever you do, don’t rush into anythin. I know you wont, cause u have your head screwed on right, and you seem to have things under control. Try and take a step back from everythin and look at things from outside lookin in, rather than being in the thick of it and not knowing what the freakin hell to do. Sometimes life can seem too multicoloured when all you need is for it to be black and white. [Indigo Sky] 10/11/2005 4:40:18 PM

And Matt we all love you too an awful lot. I’m no expert by any means, but with this Aaron and Luke situation just try to keep a level head. I’ve told you this before but I’m gonna tell you again.... You are a beautiful person. Not just the outward appearence but the real beauty is within you. Always rememember that no matter what.

I leave you love,

Ben [Taste The Rain Bow] 10/11/2005 7:04:17 PM

Man your life is way more interesting than mine. Got absolutely no idea what to say but don’t hurt anyone or get hurt yourself! Being honest like you were with Luke always best bet [The_Blind_Archer] 10/11/2005 7:05:03 PM

Aaron is a sexy name! GO YOU! [Archer_Mage] 10/11/2005 7:06:09 PM

Oh my.I’m not quite sure what to say, but I think that you did the right thing by telling Luke the truth. Dragging those things on just makes them hurt even more when the truth comes out. I hope that you and Aaron get together soon. You sound so perfect for each other! The best guys are the guys that you can talk to for hours on end. Good luck with your confusion and sry I couldn’t be of more help [broken.wings.] 10/11/2005 7:40:13 PM

finding god is tricky; the thing is to realize that god isn’t anything you can lose. we just kind of forget that we’re it. [doodlebugg] 10/11/2005 9:55:33 PM

My dear sweet Matty! You are so adoreable when u r all mixed up. U can’t help but be You! I don’t know u personally but, I get a true sense of who you are via your entries. How I wish I could be as carefree as you are. U are doing the right thing by letting things move a natural course w/A. As for L, stay friends but, unless u r ready for a relationship don’t pour out ur heart to him. Keep me post [3daygomer] [p] 10/11/2005 10:12:52 PM

Con’t.... Keep me posted. U have a lot to offer. Just make sure you give it to the right person at the right time. Hve a great day! Anna [3daygomer] [p] 10/11/2005 10:14:22 PM

<font color="tan">Wow Matt we are in the almost exact same situation. I met some guy named K and now my ex well sorta ex Mike is trying to come back. Damn I tell you [SEPIA EMISSION] [p] 10/11/2005 10:42:44 PM

: ) [butterflybabe13] 10/12/2005 12:37:59 AM

hugs Sigh, the only way I can ever get to go to australia is if some nice person there adopts me.

Will you adopt me?

=D [Nesstwy.] [p] 10/12/2005 1:36:15 AM

:) your cute [SeSsiA~] 10/12/2005 2:04:10 AM

RYN: the swing of things…yeah.

The “husband” term is still really wierd to me and neither of us really use it. I just use it for comedy sometimes, and it still gives me the shivers! =)

Aaahhh…peace, cheese, and oil stains… [yellow_bull] 10/12/2005 8:04:41 PM

Have u noticed whenever ur single u either have no one or u have 2+ ppl??? It always has to get complicated. As if I would judge you reading that, u know what I’m like! lol. Don’t worry bout other ppl, ur true friends love u for u!! MWAH xoxoxoxo [SinderellaX] 10/13/2005 4:43:27 AM

[tankerbrat8386] 10/13/2005 7:59:53 PM

Last updated October 12, 2014