Fuck yesterday. in Since OD is shutting down....

Yesterday was one of the those days to remind me that I’m still on my own and to remain humble. I spent $300 and got my brakes done. Yet again, no one helped. I had to pay someone to put them on. My brother could have helped since he knows how to do everything but refuses like he’s always done. It’s only ever been okay for me to bend over backwards for him though. I am still very angry about all of it. I’m just glad that it’s over and I can try to put it in the back of my mind until the next repair.

I decided to block that guy. I don’t think it’s right for me to put off that I’m sitting around waiting for him to make effort so I feel that I did us both a favor by just ending it completely. He said that he had gotten tested again and was negative for strep and Covid. My friend and I don’t believe this shit whatsoever. I’ve dealt with liars my entire life and I will never willingly put up with it for any reason. He was also argumentative and took whatever chance he could find to constantly say how things were my fault. Um,, we’ve known each other a week.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt by this. I really thought that he was going to be a great addition to my life. I thought we were gonna hit it off and have something great. I think it’s also good for me to try ever so often as a refresher course to have that reminder as to why I stay single. It’s just not worth the headache. We both have plenty of issues of our own that need to be worked out. I don’t plan to try again with anyone for quite some time. I realize that I seriously need to just do my own thing and not try to have anyone around.

Me and that fruitcake was to have court yesterday. I happened to look on the court website and the hearing has been moved to the 18th. I’m sure it’s because they haven’t been able to serve him. I’m not sure if I’ll go or not. If I do, I need to get screenshots printed out by then. I highly doubt he’ll show up. I don’t even know what to say about all this. One on hand, I don’t want to get another PO because my brother will just keep talking to him and on the other, I want to feel that I have some level of protection from him.

But yeah, I refuse to deal with a man who is going to always give out excuses, make the bare minimum effort, and I’m always on the back burner. I’ve put up with this shit my whole life. I wouldn’t expect him to sit around waiting for me to want to see him or him be okay with me staying in touch just enough to keep myself amused. I dated a guy about 11 years ago that was hardly ever around and LOVED when I’d answer his calls and he could sense my sadness because he never made me a priority. I’m not going through that again.

What’s up with men that can’t even afford to take you out to dinner but also want you to put up with their lack of effort? I’m not about money at all but if you think I’m going to just sit around waiting to hear from a broke man, I’ll stay single. I also don’t like how he did barely anything, wanting me to cling to crumbs but then make sure to point out his bare minimum effort. Like what in the absolute fuck is wrong with you? I just thought it was mind blowing that I didn’t hear from him much and then when I did, he’d be an asshole or argumentative. There was no mention of us hanging out or anything. He said he was fine yesterday but didn’t bother to let me know that and didn’t say anything about seeing each other again when he was to spend the night on Saturday but didn’t. But then tells me he was going to make some money. Ok.

People are going to put you through whatever you allow. You can’t bitch about someone stringing you along unless you let them. You have to own the part you play in your own suffering. I think if you are going to play games with people, you are evil. Just be honest and tell them straight up how you feel so they can decide if they want to stick around or find someone who is better capable of giving them what they need and treating them like they deserve. We’re all human and deserve to be treated right.

All I can say is I didn’t block him to be mean. I did it so we aren’t wasting our time or energy in something that’s not going anywhere. I need more than what I was getting and I don’t want to be sitting around waiting for someone to care about me. That shit absolutely destroys you. I could see this situation being the same exact thing that I’ve put up with before and I just can’t deal. I need more than what he could give me and it’s okay to acknowledge that and move on. I don’t think it’s wrong to just block people and just be done. Stand on business and know you are worth more than how you are treated.

Then yesterday. My Dad has this thing where he wants to be in your business and control the narrative. I called my Mom where I was of course on speakerphone. He overheard me saying that I needed brakes put on my car. He takes it upon himself to call a mobile mechanic but doesn’t bother to tell them I need BOTH brake pads AND rotors. Well he decides to take off super quick because he didn’t want my Mom to come with him because he strives to keep her away from everyone. Well he sounded like he was going to the bank to get money to help me pay for them to put the brakes on. Well, my Mom drives my little brother’s car over to my house. She got here before he did. He brings like $20 or something like that and then we tell him they need $100 and I have half of that. He tells my Mom that she’s to come with him to the bank again to get out more money. She tells him she’s going to stay here. Well, he is gone for quite some time and then comes back. Gets out of my Mom’s car and starts talking to the men who had put my brakes on. There was no mention for him to hand them any money and I know how awkward that is when you are standing around waiting to get paid. I come back inside and grab the money and give it to them.

I’m still reeling over this behavior. Like he’s so worried about keeping my Mom from everyone and controlling whatever he can that he doesn’t realize that he looks like a fucking moron. I was annoyed because those men were standing around listening to him talk when they had finished my car and were waiting to get paid. Time is money. You can’t just tie up someone’s time, especially with bullshit. He was talking to them about something wrong with my Mom’s car but he doesn’t have any money to buy the part and have them put it on so it was just to waste their time.

I just wish that I could get into a really good financial situation where I don’t have to go through this every time I need help with my car. I desperately need to make a plan for getting a real job and finding childcare. I am so tired of having to help and asking for it is the dumbest thing I can do. I end up just making myself mad.