Yeah, That Was Awesome in 2024

You are not supposed to like your manic episodes.
That’s like…a rule or something.
You are supposed to apologize to people and be ashamed of the manic episodes you may have.

You are not supposed to like the fact that your depressive episodes have left you without an appetite thus making you thinner.
Again, just another rule that…they have put on us.
You are supposed to dress in baggy clothing and hide yourself away, even more than you already do.

But…
You know something?
Fuck them.

I LOVE MY MANIC EPISODES AND MY NEW BODY.

I love feeling alive, happy, and full of energy from The Manic. I wish I could feel like this all the time. This is ME.
This is the me that I was before the shit with Kip happened.
This is the me that wants to decorate the apartment. Wants to nest. Wants to build a home and beautiful future for Dana and me.
Why can’t I keep this feeling all the time?
Why do I have to crash?!
I don’t want to crash anymore. I mean, not that I ever really do want to crash.

• side note: has anyone noticed that goldfish crackers don’t taste the same when you are an adult? I remember them being a little spicy. *

I have been so up and down the last few weeks. It’s been horrible and had me questioning my stay in this world.

No, I haven’t hurt myself but boy I have come close.

I wanted to hash everything out here but now…well, I just really don’t want to dive into it.

I just did the monthly black pepper cleanse/ cinnamon blessing in the apartment. I know, I know, it’s supposed to be on the first day of the month but that’s the good thing about stuff like that; you can do it anytime you are called to do so.
I totally spaced it last month and boy I could tell. It dawned on me tonight that I forgot. It was quite the “oooooh, that explains so much” moment.
It always feels so much lighter in the apartment after I do this.

I think my “apprenticeship” may be coming to a close at the clinic.
I call it that because my receptionist job reminds me of a tattoo apprenticeship. You know, sweep the floors, answer phones, take out trash, laundry, set up for appointments. Pretty much be the bitch of the clinic until that one day where they invite you to play with the big boys. Or in my case….the big girls (female owned business).

Last Thursday we had an emergency c-section call in about 10 minutes before we closed. The doctor was in the surgery room and actually said “so, Niki, we have the c-section on its way. You are more than welcomed to watch or you can assist. I’m going to need hands grabbing puppies when I drop them and then stimulating the puppies while I spay mom. Is this something you would like to stay for?”

Hell fucking shit ass poop mothers asshole bitching piss YES! One million times over, yes, yes, yes!!!! Split that belly, gimmie them whelps, and rip that uterus out of that canine and stick it to the wall!!

So…uh…yeah, I stayed and helped bring the puppies into the world. Pfffft, no biggie. Just another day at the office.

Another AWESOME day at the office.
Y’all, I have never, in my entire life, felt so purposeful. I was put there, in that room, with the sole purpose to catch those puppies, suck out the noses and mouths and make them yell.
And I did!
We brought four, beautiful, perfect, rat terrier puppies into this world.
Momma made it through wonderfully. Hell, we even helped the Dr set an all time record. C-section, spay, and close in 35 minutes.
Hells yeah.

I got to see the puppies and momma today. The babies were brought in for dewclaw removal and tail docking.
I’m not a fan of docking (neither is anyone else in the clinic, come to find out) but I, obviously, kept my mouth shut. I did, however, tell my thoughts to to clinic cat and he meow-meow-meowed at the clients for me.
Momma and pups looked wonderful and happy. They are getting some chunk to them.

So, yeah, that was kinda awesome.

I should go to sleep. I have to be up in oh… three hours.
Yay…
Nah, it’ll be good.
Tomorrow will be great.
So mote it be.

Last updated March 11, 2024