Thinking Sex in The Secret Writings of Eros: Book 4: New Beginnings?

I honestly don’t spend much time anymore thinking about the psychological or emotional elements of sex anymore. I mean, in my marriage- there was no sex. In my situationship… I mean… it felt like everything I’d wanted… one of those “if she’d only actually choose me, we’d be perfect” concepts. And, of course… situationship so… no, it was never going to be that. And now? Yeah, it’s been… a minute since I’ve had sex. My schedule’s been busy, her schedule’s been busy, we’ve had the kid around more… but I think it is safe to say over these last 8 months that I’ve had more sex than any previous 8 months stretch. I can’t guarantee that as a “for life” comment but I can certainly confidently guarantee that as a “Since 2007 or 2006 absolutely!” But… for reasons I don’t fully comprehend… occasionally, the entire topic will just pop into my mind and take up residence.

I think for multiple reasons, really.

I am and have always been fascinated by the Study of Attraction. Something that is so uniquely blended of all disparate aspects of human existence. It is bio-chemical, but it is cultural. It is regional. It is of an era. But like everything about the human experience, it is either A or Not A. For as much of a culture may prefer “pasty waif women with light hair” there will be members of that culture who prefer “dark skinned thick women with dark hair.” So, I will always find the very study of it all fascinating and curious.

But of course there’s more and I do wonder if that isn’t specific elements of me that have always been set against each other. I mean, lest we ever forget the Purity Culture Dance… “epic amounts of content about how sex is wonderful, and great, and good, and a gift from God… but if you have sexual thoughts about someone that isn’t your spouse, that’s evil, and wrong, and sinful.” ALWAYS a great way to start to fuck up a child. Add in my… I don’t even know. When you grow up in purity culture like that… you can’t tell “high libido” from “existing libido”… so while I think I might have a higher libido… it could just be normal… or even low! But… whatever it is… there is a drive in me to want to do… more. Explore more. Try more. And sometimes… in the late hours of night… that’s the thought that sticks in the brain just before losing consciousness. In a lot of ways… well… this way in particular… that situationship really could have been almost perfect. But that’s… very much in the rear window. And I’m in a… decent relationship now. Maybe part of growing into a mature relationship that involves sexual activities is just… coming to terms with what that does and doesn’t satisfy and… learn to be okay with it.