worsening in Depression

So the pencils I ordered got cancelled because there was something wrong with the order. Going to replace the order. But I was really only holding on by a thread and that thread has gotten very much thinner now that I won’t have them for another good while.

In case you wondered why pencils are so important to me, drawing keeps me some what sane. It’s what has been keeping me from cutting.

But now I just have no motivation to get up, to go to college and to do college work. I love the course, but I don’t know how to get myself to do everything. It’s horrible. I hate feeling like this. I will not fail this course because of my depression. Depression is not going to take another thing away from me. It’s not fair that I feel like this. What did I do to deserve this?

I just, like, ughhhh, somebody hand me a blade please