barely an entry in 1st

I don’t mean to let time go by so quickly really. 52 weekends in a year. 52 3 day work weeks… everything else just swirls by. nothing seems important enough to tell. nothing even seems important enough to call friends over. Seriously, I haven’t even called Destiny in over a months… well until the drive home today from yet another appointment that’s not mine and cost me 30 bucks in gas/lunch and 8 hours of my day.

I play pointless video games on my Ipad… i hardly even sit at the computer anymore… though I have promised to rip all of Rocky’s CD’s and build him a good file for his Zune I don’t WANT to… I think it’s mostly because he has stuff like … Atreyu, Marlyn Manson, Lordi, Lords of Acid… not so much stuff I think i might like someday… and not so much to wash the bad tastes down with....

I usually feel a good bit better about things in my life after talking to Destiny because her life is always so full of drama. This time not so much. Not saying she has no current drama… just that i think mine is worse. When I called she was in the hospital with Domi (I think she’s 17 now) having contractions 3 months too early. Destiny was upset because Bree was wanting to hang out in the room with her for awhile and only one person can be in there at a time and Destiny thinks it should be her.... lol um ok… so… I told her my worries…

Mom going to jail, Alicen being selfish, having to spend tons of time and money because Alicen is in Nashville, petty shit, Rocky turned down for a home loan because of student loans, our life on pause because… well if mom goes to jail everything changes. Who makes sure Alicen has what she needs? What happens to Joshua? Who’s going to go see mom everyday and do what she can’t from jail?… Wedding? oh yeah haven’t even talked about when or where or how we are going to pay for it because it is a back seat to jail, sibling issues and how I won’t be able to celebrate my Birthday at all this year.... and as I start rounding this rant back into a tight little ball to put back in it’s place. “I’ve got to go my phones about to die” .....sometimes I feel this relationship is soooo very not worth it..... let another month go by… not so sure she will give a crap if mom goes to jail anyways....

Apparently, 3 or 4 people involved forgot to mention that Alicen’s rent wasn’t paid.... I CAN take it back up to Nashville in the morning. I won’t know if I need to till after 8… but as soon as I know I’d like to get it done and out of the way… another 20 bucks to spend … another 3-3 1/2 hours lost.... shrugs either way I guess I should try to sleep… at least lay down and play video games or something…

I will try to write more.... I will try.... I always try… this just isn’t the same as OD it seems way to much work to figure out things like photos and finding new random people… but I miss reading… I miss those I would consider friends… “The girl who loves to love” + “Lawyer chick” lol