it's been 10 yrs. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

it’s been 10 yrs. since I was raped. [oct. 14 2004]. um. idk. i’m finally starting to put it together. when.....when it happened I didn’t know what it meant. I knew it hurt and my body knew something was wrong. we were standing and he. I won’t. detail it. i’m at a place now where i’m ready to but I don’t think it’s the kindof thing to put in a blog so.

I don’t remember what happened before, or after. I remember the weather. and the pain. that whole yr. I was angry and I didn’t understand why. it wasn’t until I got to college and saw someone about that I was like oh so that’s what it was. but that was short lived the seeing someone. bc I hadn’t been taught. there are different ways to rape someone. in my head it was always some random guy coming out from the bushes at night and well. yeah.
no one found out for 2 yrs.

we. were dating at the time. and so there’s that other part of it. I don’t ever talk about that about the other side. he..........he’s 30 now. or 31 his birthday was last month i turned 27 back in august. I’ve not seen him in like 8 yrs.

and so I think that’s another thing that came as a surprise to me which I think I ignored at the time. is not only was I raped but I was raped in a different way than I thought i’d be. I realised that today. and maybe that was the point was to manipulate me completely. so that I wouldn’t realise it for awhile. I’ve manipulated people I’ve. played games w/ them so I know how it all works. but I don’t like cause it puts me in the same category as........them.
in college I started drinking. not. not heavily just every few months always wine. but I think that’s why.