Grudges in A transparent lockbox

One of the curses that has been bestowed upon me is my inability to let go of grudges. I wish that I didn’t care and could just move on, but god, I am bitter for eternity. No matter how small of a slight it is, I hold on. It is definitely unhealthy on a clinical scale, long-term bitterness is likely linked to premature death, but it is something innate. The only times where the grudges leave are when I forget the people exist and then it is so pleasant, cause I’m not carrying around useless negativity. Forever I’ve had the fantasy of being objectively better than the people who have screwed me over. Being more successful, them going to jail for tax evasion, or balding and aging awfully. I do a ton of work to take care of myself and promote wellness in my life, and I usually see that others don’t. So I just imagine like 20 years from now how I could be in great condition and they could be rapidly decomposing. It usually doesn’t take that long though. Usually, the people who cross me are very abrasive or unpleasant. Despite my words in my writing, I am reserved and like to mind my business. So you have to go out of your way to fuck me over, cause I don’t care about much. And people who look to piss others off usually end up tangled in unfortunate circumstances. I think it must be natural in some sense to hold grudges, likely to know who cannot be trusted and who you shouldn’t be vulnerable around. I just fantasize about someday walking around the grocery store and being approached by the haggard person who screwed me over, just to find out my life turned out far more fulfilling and joyous. It is something I am trying to shake, but just can’t right yet.