maybe. i'm angry she gave up. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my friend the one who. left. 10 yrs. ago. I think when someone passes we’re always angry. this is based on experience.
I mean. I was 11 the last time I saw her, as was she. and, had I known through the yrs. she was having such a hard time I honestly don’t know that I would’ve had the mental comprehension the way I do now . er. I mean I would’ve understood it the way I do now. so I don’t know what I would’ve done other than maybe be there.
and since at the school they weren’t allowed to talk to anyone outside of it I. wouldn’t’ve been able to get at her anyway. and after well. I sure as hell can’t do it now now that she’s gone. I just. idinno feel like I missed out maybe cause I did. had I known...........I would’ve tried to stay in contact w/ her. I think I would’ve wanted to. I hope. clearly she needed a friend like me cause she didn’t have anyone else who cared enough to try.
so maybe. i’m angry cause I felt like she gave up. cause well she did. she, offed herself that’s how she gave up. like she had so much fukin potential. the potential to still be someone else’s friend and to continue that through the yrs. and to let er to have rather to have people see how pretty she was. that’s what I remember most about her. and yeah maybe the other students saw the same thing I did I really don’t know. I hope. they did. she had her whole life ahead of her she had yrs. and she made the choice to end that when she was 16. yes she saw it as the only way to get people to listen to her I get that but it’s still a choice she made. yeah others contributed but she was the one who made the final decision.
and her giving up is saying to me ‘this is the most important thing right now’. and that hurts. a lot. it’s telling me and not just me but also others that I don’t matter. even though. we didn’t know each other then.
like she didn’t appreciate life as fully as I think she should’ve. but I really don’t know. i’m the same way though. I don’t appreciate life as fully as I should even though I know to.

Last updated October 06, 2014