Sat night in Riverdale

Saturday night

So I am at home not feeling too good tonight.

My teeth are in pain I’m tired and sick to my stomach and alone.

But I am happy to be home alone. I’ve been so social and surrounded by ppl lately it’s drained me. I mean I liked being around people it was mostly pretty positive and fun but I just have urges to run away and take some time to myself for the majority of the time.

I don’t like feeling trapped by ppls company lately I just wanna be alone and re group decompress and do what I want to do without any judgement or watching eyes positive or negative.

I’ve been really busy lately and though that’s good I am so relived to have at least a day to sleep in laze around and do nothing really. Answer to no one.

Spending more time with my kitty who seems lonely and wanting attention lately. :)

I love reading cracked.com articles they are pretty interesting.

One of them was about things about America that foreigners don’t get with their obsession with super big fattening foods to their large lawns and their weird pride about being American.

One point stood out that Germans though it was weird Americans were proud to be American. Germans said they were happy to be German but didn’t get the pride since there really isn’t much choice in the matter of where you are born.

Anyways it was very insightful because Canada is a lot like the states so I could relate it to my country on a smaller scale.

North America can be so weird.

One thing since working and training about healthy sexuality is the amount of reservation and giddiness i have about Sex. I’m more prudish than I thought I guess. Not that I completely think it’s a bad thing it am who I am but just how frank and comfortable others act about sex is shocking to me.

I want to be more open and unashamed about sex myself.

I think that’s what living in America is like though in general very conservative and judgemental about sex.

So conservative that I feel people are so uninformed judgemental and take unhealthy risks because people aren’t learning healthy sexuality in a open fun and laid back way.

We are so used to the bare facts and scare tactics as well as things like “slut shaming”

We act like we are so liberal and laid back but we defiantly have a long way to go. Myself included.

I’m learning about how sheltered I have been growing up. Sure I grew up privileged and lucky in a lot of ways but also very disadvantaged when it came to city life diversity and all that.

I am learning a lot about people who are trams and I am so sad to learn how awful people are to people who are trans and how brave and courageous it is for people to come out as trans and be who they know and are more comfortable being.

Coming out as Homosexual for many is hard enough and although it seems to be more accepted into mainstream society even with that we have long ways to go.

Hopefully we can do the same with people who are trans.

But listening to one of the other participants talk about it it’s quite apparent that we are still in the stone ages when it comes to acceptance and knowledge.

People ought to be who they want and need to be, even If that’s not who we want to be and don’t really completely understand it. I don’t know a whole ton about it all but If it’s not hurting others I don’t see why we can’t all educate ourselves and reserve our judgment.

So this course is opening my eyes to a lot that I didn’t know much about before. And realizing how little I have experienced or really know or have been around.

I will be honest it makes me uncomfortable because I am not used to it and I feel bad for feeling that way but it’s just because I was never really exposed to all of this.

I realized how surrounded by ignorance and hate I have been around all my life growing up in a lily white small town with a pretty conservative judgemental family around me.

I always felt different growing up in my family and school and felt I was treated as such.

Now I am seeing that I really am not that different at all and that my challenges have been a drop in the hat compared to some peoples struggles to accept themselves and have others accept them as well.

Anyways pretty tired off to bed.

Ciao