October's Here in Still Listening to Spirit
- Oct. 9, 2014, 9:59 p.m.
- |
- Public
When tourists ask me what I do after season is over, my reply is “I start by sleeping the entire month of October.” I am doing that more or less because I am not steady enough to do the things that need done.
I look at my living area and I want to purge, rearrange, get rid of things I have neither seen nor thought of in at least a year (andprobably longer). I am unsteady on my feet more times than not and I find myself stumbling sideways or back a step or two.
I feel fragile, tentative, disengaged from everything around me. I did see Carol at the clinic Monday. Lynne is out of town until November. She prescribed a very mild tranquilizer to take care of the panic/anxiety attacks I am unable to control. I swear if I had dto have that pain all night long in my back one more night, I would just go jump off the railroad dock.
I am frightened the pain will come back. It’s been a long time since I have been truly afraid to this degree.
I am hanging in. Carol wants me to consider seeing John the mental health therapist. I am reluctant as I know I am very self-aware and have the tools to help myself. Carol suggested I might just need a refresher course. I agreed to think about it and we will revisit this when the pills I have run out.
So down, so ‘flat’ so discouraged. I am still kicking and as long as I am around, there is hope. I have been here before, I can conquer this.
ODSago ⋅ October 10, 2014
I'd give anything within reason a try if it were me--I know these things tend to cycle and that you'll move into better health later on but hate for you to be fragile with the worst of winter facing you. I find my cane helpful when I feel fragile and my balance is wobbly. Do you have one?
Maybe that mental health guy might be a good choice, especially if you can see him without having to pay a lot. How's your guy? I'm concerned for you both.
seedys ODSago ⋅ October 10, 2014
My guy is gaining strength, is finding great relief for his back through the stretching exercises the chiropractor gave him. And yes, Spirit has regularly prodded me to see the mental health gy, I just refuse to listen. I am sure it is time and will be good for me.
noko ⋅ October 10, 2014
It is where you are right now. The body certainly has a mind of its own. I am glad you are choosing to share this difficult time with us.
I am trying to think what would help me during a transitional time like you are experiencing now. I think I might write myself an encouraging letter and tell myself all the things I could think of to encourage a beloved friend going through something similar. It is a package deal. We come equipped with our Higher Selves. May yours bring you guidance out of this dark unstable time.
It is probably a good thing I am not there. I would probably pester you do some very very gentle yoga.
Hillbilly Princess ⋅ October 11, 2014
Praying for you
Daisy Mae ⋅ October 11, 2014
Oh my dear, I am so worried about you. I want to wave a magic wand and get you back to the string, spirited you I have known for so long. Please believe me that if I could, I would be there to look after you. I want you to see John to see if it will help you. Sending positive and strong vibes and prayers to spirit for you.
seedys Daisy Mae ⋅ October 11, 2014
I come here to write to try to make sense of what I am feeling and what is going on with me. I also write here because I am reminded that I am lovedl Thank you for this affirmation that I am loved.