Odd one out in Riverdale

Odd one out

So I started this new training thing and it’s going ok.

Yet I have a familiar feeling of being one of the odd ones out and it bothers me because I do wanna be part of. And knowing that sometimes kills me because I can’t always control how others feel. I mean i won’t compromise myself to be part of but it would be nice to feel accepted.

Anyways some of the other ppl are kind if cliquey and stand offish. But I guess I’ll give it time this is my second day.

Me and L. Blah. Guys cold and craY. I’m taking a break from him in a way. I still want him around but I just get so fusterated and hurt by him and it’s annoying.

I am just trying to distract distract distract and think of something I can do to nurture my soul after being in such tug of wars w him all the time.

I don’t know what yet. Glad I am talking to my counsellor tomm morning I really need someone I can really let it all out to and be honest with.

I just had two deaths in my life. No one close to me. One of them was my old bosses son and the other was a woman I knew briefly from this old program I did. So shocking really and things like that really hit you hard about life and the fragility of it sometimes. Part of why I am not talking to L is because he acted like a jerk when I told him. But that’s just him being a jerk and pushing me away and baiting me. Fuck him.

Anyways I’m watching a tv show called about a boy it’s a spin off if the movie and book. It’s pretty cute so far something to binge watch on netflix anyways.

Not too much else, just glad to get some food and money today.