On The Right Track But Going The Wrong Way in Current Events

I am in a weird headspace. I feel lost but on track. I could be going the wrong way on this oneway track for all I know. I was consciously trying to create new habits but I relapsed a bit. Nothing I can’t correct. Winter break is over and I’m back to class so I suppose that came with a routine which led to my downfall, so to speak.

I have mixed feelings about my position at work. I don’t like working full-time, I just like the checks. I am nervous about dropping down to part-time because I am traumatized by the 4-hour weeks that I was getting before. Also, there is no structure to it and I am a glutton for predictability and routine. I need to learn to cope with that if I am to try and be employed while attending post-secondary. On the other hand, I like the idea of having extra time to work on my side projects. 4 shifts a week is my Goldilocks zone. I was going to do flex hours and drop to that if I got to stay full-time. These are not bad problems to have, relatively speaking. It’s weighing me down a bit regardless.

Our work Christmas party was fun. It was a bonding experience for everybody, it would seem. We all got along today and had so much to talk about. I won a prize for the best dressed which was… correct. Claudia pushed me out of my comfort zone and made me go up and participate in the games which was the equivalent of being on stage in front of everybody. We were too sober for this. Speaking of sobriety, I am still going strong. My skin has never looked better. Maybe I can keep this up for the whole year?

I relapsed on my NoFap today, however. I lasted 15 days which is a record. I won’t let this discourage me from jumping back on the wagon.

‘Tis the season for seasonal depression but it hasn’t been so bad because I am just too filled with hope. That hope just being me picturing spring. I just pause to imagine the smells, the sounds, and the heat of the sun on my skin.

We have extreme weather right now. It’s dropping to over -50c. I am hoping my car doesn’t have any problems starting. There doesn’t seem to be any end in sight. Our Crime Minister wants us to be mindful about how we use our electricity during this cold because he is a WEF ecofascist.

I have been thinking about my plant-based diet. A review, if you will. It’s been almost 8 years. How is it going? My cystic acne is a thing of the past, finally. That’s what started me on this journey. I will never touch dairy again. My ethnic group cannot metabolize dairy. Most of us can’t and we shouldn’t. We are not heifers. The proteins that break down those proteins are massive and they do not break them into individual molecules because the mother’s milk is designed to pass everything along in fragments. I digress! My hair is falling out, my nails are concaved, my energy is low most days, I’m bloated like a malnourished bitch, and I have to supplement like crazy. Magnesium, B-complex, iodine, L-Lysine, selenium, silica, vitamin D, and zinc.

There is recourse for any deficiencies, I just haven’t had to care about it before. There are resources top help me with that. I don’t deny any dense nutrients in animal-based foods. I have this unfortunate ability to smell diets on people and people who eat a lot of meat smell rancid. Not as bad as someone who drinks too much coffee or eats junk food. People with obesity… I have no words. Gym bros smell like powder and/or B.O. Infants and children smell like nothing. A lot of people smell like nothing, to be honest. Unless they sweat and then I can smell the magnesium deficiency, that’s what bad B.O. indicates. We need to detox and get magnesium. I haven’t met any other vegans so who knows? I just know that I smell like citrus. The worse I should smell, say I go way too long without a shower, the more citrus and sweet I smell. I don’t know what to make of it. Of course, I drown it out with patchouli or tobacco (oil). Serving hippie granola realness irl.

Meat grosses me out now. I’m not noseblind. Now I’m also conscious of things like the juices being the same thing as what is in a blister when we burn ourselves. I’ve always had an issue with how it all looked, I could see it as a piece of a living thing. Had to have it ground up or sliced up. Ground beef and chicken breast were mostly all I ever ate. My ethnic group also struggles with metabolizing tough meats so I always experienced some IBS. Eggs are the only thing I miss, to be honest. Sugar and alcohol are some more fun things that my ethnic group struggles with. Long story short, this plant-based diet isn’t going too well because need to learn more about how to get nutrition this way. I was raised on the same food guide as everyone else.

I don’t judge carnists or put them down. I don’t usually get the same respect right away which is okay, I have self-esteem. I eventually earn that respect. I earn it by not pushing my beliefs on anyone. If they ask, I will get into it. So long as we are making informed decisions for ourselves, that’s all I can ask for.

What a weird entry, I am just avoiding studying for my test that is tomorrow. Just like old times. The test is for our last unit, organic chemistry. This one isn’t so bad. It’s a lot of drawing and naming. It’s pretty twisted which makes it a little fun. Our exam is next Tuesday and I feel stressed about it. I start the next chem class next month. Then I start applying for university shortly after. Ugh. Anyway, on with it then.