Thinspiration in Current Events

Frank made an appearance at work the other day. He is a customer who is there almost every day. I noticed his absence over the holidays. He has a very strong presence when he is in the store. He is loud and loves to stop and talk to us. He walked right up to me to thank me. I noticed right away that he was looking thinner. He quit drinking. He and his wife cleaned up their diets. They started exercising. They go to a pool. They are just seniors after all. I told him where to go to discover terrain theory and with his new understanding of health and disease, he is making a new lifestyle for himself. He and his wife are very excited about this journey they are on. I love that for them. Be excited about change.

Speaking about health, my stomach has not been in a good place all week. I ate something that was contaminated with dairy. I’ll live. I have also been eating poorly. My version thereof. I could do better. I will do better. My roommate is back so I feel more inclined to cook proper meals. Last night I ordered that plant-based chicken burger from Leopold’s Tavern for us. Vegan or not, it is the best damn sandwich I ever did eat.

I am starting to understand the joke about January being hectic at the gym. There are a lot of new and noob faces. Weekends, first thing in the morning, are the best times to get easy access to the cable machines and the benches. Today I had to wait a bit. It’s not a bad problem to have, per se. I am glad to see people trying to create change. I think somebody imprinted on me while I was there this morning. He was young and seemed to be following me around and copying everything I did but with horrible form. I think he was studying what to do.

I can see that my body is changing when I look in the mirror. I am not letting myself get fixated on that. My scale is saying otherwise but that doesn’t mean anything. I am less than 20lbs away from my goal weight. I don’t count macros so it’s a bit challenging.

I do my grocery shopping on my way back from the gym. When I got in all of my roomate-triggers were set off. I just did a big grocery haul, and made three trips from the car in -40C to bring the groceries in. She just sat on the couch and drank her coffee. I tried to talk to her and she gave me a dirty look that read let me drink my coffee. Screw that. Did I mention that it is -40C? She’s sitting around with her winter coat on because of her million trips to bong rips on the balcony. I’ll just freeze, don’t worry about me. None of this is the end of the world.

The other day when we were talking, she mentioned that she used my scale to measure her weight. She has no reason to know that I have a scale unless she snoops through my things. That made my eye twitch. It’s nice to have her back though! I was lonely around here. She was homesick as well.

I started doom-scrolling again. I need to get control of that. I’m still going strong with avoiding porn. My mood was absolutely horrible at work one day this week and I made it everybody’s problem. I realized when I got home that I was sexually frustrated. I don’t want to want sex. I don’t want to want anything.

What I do want is for my roommate to leave for her gym already. There are no signs of that happening. I guess I’m doing my coffee enema with her home.

I have my work Christmas party tonight. I have my mind absolutely convinced that I am going to win a prize tonight. After the party, we are going to Noel’s to actually party. I might drink, I might not. We are doing karaoke. It’s going to be fun. I really like this team that I am on. This transfer was a good fit for me. I shouldn’t have hesitated for so long and done this sooner. Sadly I am dropping to part-time next month. I’ll figure things out.

I am doing my rigorous self-care routine today and then I’m studying until it is time to leave for the work function. Then I study all day tomorrow. I have my exam in two weeks. I skipped the last class because we finished the unit the class before. Winter finally came for my city that day. Just a few more months until spring. I literally can’t wait. I want to have another hot girl summer.