Breakfast. in Since OD is shutting down....

We’re still in the middle of the deep freeze, but we went and got breakfast this morning. It’s still going to be in the negatives today but not as bad. I’m definitely sick of this but such is life. It was nice to get out, even for a little bit today. I’ve since done the dishes and cleaned out the cat litter box. I need to get more cat litter and food in the next few days. I also need to stock up on paper products.

I have about $120 in collections and paid some on it yesterday. I didn’t want to pay very much but had to pay the minimum. I wish I would have filled out the financial assistance application but I just put it off and then forgot about it. I plan to pay more on it when I get my check and just get it knocked out. It’s not a lot of money and I’m not super stressed about it.

Our internet wasn’t working very well yesterday and kept kicking off. I had them send a reboot this morning and it’s been working fine ever since. I was working on my online stuff yesterday and want to try again today. I’m almost done so I’m diligently wanting to finish so I can get paid for it.

I’m making cheeseburgers and potato wedges for lunch and then I’m going to try and get my daughter to lay down for a little bit. I’m going to do laundry in the next day or two.

My daughter said to me a couple of nights ago before we went to bed that she doesn’t want to talk about her Dad ever again. I didn’t pry but I wonder where that was coming from. Not sure if it’s something she heard on Youtube or what not but I left it alone. She hasn’t said anything since. I believe that my daughter has experienced enough of his absence and enough disappointment that she’s just done. I guess she was talking to my niece the other night at my brother’s house and from what she said, my brother definitely has a different perspective and hasn’t mentioned about her seeing him to possibly prevent future issues. He was really big on him seeing her so that she might not want to see him later on in life and since that conversation, he hasn’t brought it up again.

She has said enough to me that I have no doubt she completely understands that he’s not a Dad, but merely a fun big brother that comes around ever so often. He doesn’t get that his absence has done the most damage and there’s no undoing that unless he were to be a constant in her life, which he is incapable of. I understand my brother’s perspective of you got to be cruel to be kind but to keep exposing her to this, is just cruel. She gets it.

I was telling my friend just a few days ago that I just don’t see the point in continuously putting my daughter through this unnecessary ringer anymore. The lesson has been learned. I know he thinks if he goes around and around enough that we will all come around to his point of view and things will end up to his benefit. It’s like him always talking about moving in. Well, if I didn’t move him in back when she was little and a lot more work, there’s no reason why I would NOW considering she’s almost 7!!! I remember one time he was here when she was like 2 and he talked about moving in and finding rides back and forth to work but didn’t say one fucking word about helping with her because he didn’t plan to.

There’s a lot of BD’s like him that get the Mom’s bamboozled into whatever crazy shit they want because it makes their lives easier. He’s pissed because I never wanted him because if I did, this would have gone a lot better for him. I couldn’t imagine putting up with a lot of shit that some women do because they are manipulated or they think it’s better for them and the kids to be put through a ringer to keep their families together. By putting up with a deadbeat, abusive motherfucker you aren’t teaching your kids anything. You are teaching them that abuse is okay and all the bullshit that goes along with it.

I remember just finding out I was pregnant and he moved 11 hours away where he was asking me for money. I remember him stealing my cell phone at the hospital after I had my daughter and him messaging men that I worked with asking if we’d been intimate. I remember him stealing money out of my house. I’m sure NO ONE has ever heard the shit he’s pulled on me at all. I remember him telling me that I needed to earn him and respect him. This dude leaves me with a lifetime of responsibility and demands respect?! LOL! Like a couple of weeks ago when he wanted to take her for the night to a motel. Um, who would be there and would we even be made aware of where exactly he’s staying at what room. He’s pulled the you don’t get to know where she is or when she’ll be home card too many times. All I have ever seen is he’s a very self serving, motive driven person so I don’t trust anything anymore. Then, I could just imagine it be an issue getting her back because you don’t know where she is. NO FUCKING THANK YOU!!

But yeah, I have since finished my online stuff for my job. I’m so relieved to have that over with. I’ll let my boss know on Wednesday so it can be added to my paycheck. I’m not thrilled about having to do that class right after work Wednesday night because it’s going to make for a really long day but it’s going to be nice to get it over with and there’s nothing else I have to do besides work. I really am enjoying my job and it’s so nice to be working and earning my own money.

I need to get paper products. There’s a couple of things I want on Amazon but it’s probably going to have to wait. I’m still wanting to buy underwear. It’s just so frustrating that everything is so fucking expensive. It’s nice that at least the price of gas is going down but everything else is just ridiculous. I’m tired of being poor.