So BEYOND pissed in rants

I am comfortable at HOME, in my neighborhood, and to a lesser extent to areas further away. Yesterday I went to another STATE for a Meet-Up that looked promising.

I have found over the years that I am a mass of syndromes. What I thought were my own reactions (and only my own) to life experiences, turned out to be so “popular” that BOOKS were written about them. The first one had been “Women who Love too much”. It was weird reading about my life on the page. The second one was “When Will I Be Good Enough?” I read that a few years… it was such an eye-opener!

When I saw on Meet-Up that there’d be a group getting together to discuss the issues brought up on the book, I was on it immediately. Even though it was in another state, in a town I’d never visited. I had to take the NJ Transit train and walk (with terrible Internet directions as usual) to a place I’d never been before. Talk about stressful.

The woman changed the date, so instead of leaving from home, I had to leave from work. I got there in enough time so I could walk to the place in the light, and sat reading a book… then sat reading ANOTHER book. I was sitting outside, holding the book we were to discuss in such a way that anyone coming to the group would see me. And I waited.

Another woman showed up there also. She went to a library near by to look up her e-mail to see if she’d gotten updated information. She had and we went a block or so away to find the group.

Turned out, at the last minute, the woman changed the venue!!! She sent out e-mails during that day. My computer is in my HOME. I was NOT in my home. I’d told her I’d be there. Someone could’ve come to the original venue to see if anyone was there in error. That did NOT happen!

This triggered ALL my issues - trust, abandonment, things going on that I am excluded from, not being good enough to be included. ALL of it. I LOST it - was yelling at the leader of the group. And yelled in e-mails and postings to the Meet-Up group all evening - after 2 hours or more later when I actually arrived home. I am STILL upset.

I will stay CLOSE to home or in familiar territory from now on… to be SURE!