something else that bothered me. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

so. i’ve been talking to stephanie about stuff. which means there’s someone else in the circle I’ve been talking to. and she has good intentions but. we’re just different people. she’s a naturally happy person which i’m sorry but I don’t relate to cause, well. i’m not. just how it is. I tell her about my past - well I elude to it. I don’t tell her everything that’s happened just how I feel about it - and she listens only to end up telling me either ‘this is why you should talk to someone’. well that’s just wasted effort for me then. like if you’re not going to say anything about what I told you or acknowledge it then. i’m not going to open up to you. she’s a good listener untill. she’s not untill she says that. and also i know why i ‘should talk to someone’. clearly i’m intelligent enough to figure that much out. it, minimises my intelligence. honestly even if they’re not that makes me feel like whoever’s saying that is writing me off. like they don’t care enough about me to actually, you know. listen. like ‘well i don’t have time to ever listen to you’. wow thanks. so much for me feeling important. i mean she’s in a way right therapist types do have more time for someone as it’s actually their job to do so but. putting it that way doesn’t help. I know not everyone feels that way and that’s ok.
when I think of this on a deeper level. it hurts, feeling like someone doesn’t have enough time to actually listen to you and make you feel like you matter. even if they didn’t mean that. yeah but that doesn’t change what happened. i’ve had this w/ evan. however..........we’re good now. we’ve not fought in. like a month.
not that i’ll tell Stephanie this as I won’t.
she has this impression that I won’t always be a private person. but see I will. the only problem I have w/ people who aren’t is that. that they’re not. but that’s more my issue than theirs I realise that.