inventory. suitcases. hiding stuff. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

yeah so on...........fukin...........Mon. after the meeting Stephanie and I did the inventory. [which. I always say as ‘invent-tur-ry’ as opposed to. uhm the other way. well it’s not spelt ‘invintory’, so. I say it the way it looks. it’s like the word ‘vanilla’. which I say as ‘van-ella’ but. it’s not spelt ‘vanella’. ok anyway].

of my stuff. um she saw. what was in the suitcase. which isn’t anything like too earth shattering. there’s evan’s blanket in there, a shirt he gave me, a book, 2 dvds uh. his papers/notebook. alcohol paraphinalea [I like that word], weed paraphanelia. shooters. a purse. i’d collected the shooters. actually she doesn’t know about the book or the dvds. or the alcohol paraphanaliea [by which I mean bottle caps, uh. corks. stuff like that]. and she doesn’t know the blanket’s evan’s. she took - well she didn’t take it I gave it to her - the weed stuff. [screens from my ex, 2 small lights a big one]. and the empty bottles of Listerine. yeah. I know ........ I know. she knows I drank listerine in her house. she doesn’t think i’m an alcoholic unless I do. well I do but I don’t think she knows that. and she won’t. oh the reason she has the weed stuff is I think cause the system doesn’t want me hiding drugs. they want it all out in the open. cause to them me hiding the weed stuff means exactly that. that I am hiding it. which ok yes I am/was. but just bc I like hiding things. not bc I have a problem. well I mean as in i’m ‘addicted’ to weed. a problem as in an addiction. [and even if i was i’d think she’d know by now considering she knows like 90% of what I have. weed’s, pretty potent, so]. i’m sorry i’m just not a v. public person. at all really. I like to keep my things private. i’m not comfortable being that open. it, kindof makes me feel like i’m on display and not in a good way. I don’t like that plan. which is why I never wanted anyone knowing what’s in the suitcase. cause then it’ll all be out in the open.

oh I also gave her the empty vitamin bottles. which i’d told her i’d bought. which I hadn’t. I had them via evan. but..........i’m not going to be stupid enough to bring him into this knowing how they feel about him. vitamins are expensive and I don’t have that much money and I don’t want to spend all of it on vitamins. i’m apparently not even allowed to have my own damn cough drops. no I have to go and ask her if I can have some. again it’s like they don’t trust me enough to be responsible w/ them. um. i’ve never OD’ed on cough drops. I have on other things. [not that I should’ve I know that. yeah but I still have a right to]. like I can’t even have my own tums in my room for fuk’s sake. i mean tums really? ok if it was something like idinno heroin. then that’d be different. [never have]. their reasoning is if I have a reaction to something and they don’t know and then something worse happens as a result then.......stephanie’s liable. that’s funny actually cause there was a period of time over the summer where.......yeah. not ready to detail it yet. [btw yes before I ingest anything I look it up online so I know what i’m in for. see? I can solve my problems my damn self]. and she didn’t know. a friend of mine did so its not like no one knew. at all. yeah but that’s what I like/d about it is she didn’t know.

sso yeah that happened. and bothered me.

Last updated September 26, 2014