YoungLife in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I fisted a lesbian (stop freaking out, it’s not like I have Popeye arms) and got my dream guy’s number (named Edgar no less, WTF is up with me and that name?!) but that’s not really worth talking about.

I have accepted the responsibility of being secretary to Cal Poly’s queer club… or at least one of the four or five they have. Why did I do this? I think it’s because I feel guilty for having stepped out of participating in school too much. I see the pictures people post, I see the check-ins, I hear the recaps of all the amazing people did and I simply sit there and think to myself, “Good for them, they should get their kicks while they’re young.”

What the fuck is my problem? I have made choices that have put me within the range of participation for these activities. People disbelieve that I am 30, not necessarily because I look 30 but because they say I don’t act 30. I used to be slightly offended by that until I used the magic of Facebook to peek into the lives of my fellow 30-somethings. They all have jobs, careers, families or worse. I say worse because those are things that I don’t really want.

That’s when I thought about the reality of the choices I’ve made and will probably continue to make.

I am someone who is okay being alone. I don’t have this obsessive need to be in a relationship, so that means it’s just going to be me. While that is fine, that also means that I will not be frequenting PTA meetings or baby showers. Those will not be a reality that I have to live with.... I think subconsciously I’ve realized this, which is why my dating range has shifted so much.

So many of my friends have chided me for not dating someone closer in my age range, but it’s not that I haven’t met anyone in that range that I’m not interested in, it’s just that during our points of discovery, we find that we don’t have compatible life goals. If you want to settle down, get married, have children, own a home within the next couple of years, that’s not going to work for me.

That doesn’t mean I rule out guys my age, but those discussions don’t always end with prospective dating opportunities.

There’s one other reality that I need to be aware of. I’m going to be that older gentlemen who is still going to clubs populated by young people. By necessity, I’m going to be youthful. That doesn’t mean I won’t have other interests or things like that, but I have been around long enough to notice that my married friends tend to withdraw into their families as the childbirth expectation becomes a reality.

There will be exceptions; my cousins are excellent examples. They have been married for three years or so now, were together since we were all in high school in the 90s, and maintain that they do not want children for a few more years. However, in general, I will have a rather distinct life. I suppose that is par for the course.

I just wonder what other things I will learn about the path in which I am going.