The Internet Can Be A Bitch Sometimes... in Hello

Let me start by saying that while I do love the technology of the last thirty years, it can be annoying sometimes. “PC LOAD LETTER? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!”

My old laptop crashed…when it did I took both diaries I had saved from Open Diary, and with that was a decade of words to fill a shelf, some good, some bad, and tons of support and love from my regular readers. Oh how I miss them. You see, I’ve actually gone as far as meeting a few people from Open Diary. Some I’m still in contact with, some moved to a far off reach of the world and promptly fell off. Then there are some that, in the few weeks before OD shut down, just deleted their diaries and I never heard from them again. Two in particular I really miss. Emily and Stephanie. Two like minded people whom I had the pleasure of reading for at least three plus years before the inevitable. I say all this for two reasons, one being I met whom I call my, “adopted little sister,” from there, which I’ll be attending her wedding on Halloween. The other…I called her my soulmate once. I stand by that. A like minded comic geek/stoner and not too bad on the eyes either.

This morning I woke up from a dream about her. I had to fly out and meet up with a bunch of other OD’ers and her. For some asinine reason she kept avoiding me. Which is weird because right before OD shut down she left me an e-mail address seeing how she no longer had a phone. I never got a chance to save that e-mail address. When I opened my eyes from the confusing dream my first thought was, “I have to get into contact with her.” Now, leading up to this point I have gone through the various e-mails we have exchanged over the years only to learn that not a single one of the addresses worked anymore. C’est la vie…

I had one last option, I dug into my sock drawer where I keep EVERY holiday card, from my birthday to Christmas, every one. I found the only one she ever sent me with her parents address and for the first time in years I put pen to paper and hand wrote a letter. Now here’s the silly part, right after all that…I simply googled her and found her facebook page. OH JOY! I sent her an e-mail and within ten minutes I had a reply. Technology, am I right??? We exchanged words over what each of us has been up to the last year and while pleasant, still made me very sad. Here is someone on the other side of the country…and I’m here. I’m being realistic here when I say keep the friendship and let the feelings die.

It was an especially somber feeling as I was on my way to my math class this afternoon. I had Neil Young playing in the car, and with the acoustic tones coming from my speakers and the way the autumn sun beat down upon the trees causing them to cast their long autumn shadows…I got depressed. This happens from time to time, I’ll see, smell, hear something that puts me into a deep thought of something long gone. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that immediate transition into a deep forgotten place. I still find myself, when not paying attention, typing opendiary into my browser. Technology is a bitch for reasons of Open Diary alone. A great place where people from all walks of life come by and claim a little peice for themselves, to say I was here, I wrote about my days and these people came about and commented on it…then poof. Gone. I guess the same can be said for real life as well.

Heh, I’m getting older and I don’t like it.
Hopefully tomorrow I’ll finally get some medication from the therapist…because I really think my depression is getting worse.

-J.E.