Target Practice in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

For some reason, my sex karma has turned around… probably because I’ve found myself stopping short when I find myself in situations similar to last night. But I’m jumping ahead of myself.

Dave has become my partner in crime and we found ourselves at our usual Monday night hang out. It’s a straight bar where a friend of ours works. We’ve been going there since probably November-ish and, not counting a few minor incidents, we always have a great time.

One of the guys there, a big strong Hispanic man who reminds me of my step-father. Anyways, he started telling me that he’s always found me attractive and would I like to… you know… sometime. I just left it alone because he’s always saying things like this when he’s had a few too many… besides, he really does look way too much like my step-father.

The next night, I was at another bar far, far away with Dave and many of the people I was with when I had my catatonic incident I mentioned in the previous entry. Somehow this guy was there and flirting with me. He was white, covered in tattoos and totally punk… exactly my type (even though I refuse to admit that I have a type). I had done a show earlier and I was dressed in a slacks, a pressed shirt, and my hair was extremely big. For whatever reason, he thought I was attractive. It was kind of funny because it’s been so long since I’ve genuinely flirted with anyone and I reacted in a way that completely confused Dave and my friends. Unfortunately, nothing happened and I didn’t even get his number. It’s okay, the bar was over an hour away from home so it’s not like we’d have an easy time getting together.

The next night I was at my local spot and two guys were hitting on me, one of whom it turns out was a gay porn actor. We were laughing and carrying on, it was nice and relaxing. There was no real tension, and I happened to look up the guy’s work, he is much more attractive in-person than he is on the site. Once again, nothing happened except a lot of good humor. I did get their numbers and we’ve kept chatting and joking.

Yesterday was a barbecue at a friend’s house. Usually I don’t expect any sort of flirtations or sexual situations, but still something happened. I had just been laughing pretty much the whole day when the extremely attractive 42 year-old sperm donor (he was a professional skater in the 90s) and I were just crashing on the bed… and then suddenly we were having sex. But then we stopped to discuss exactly what it meant, because according to him, never before in his 40-something years has he ever felt so sexually attracted to a man that he felt like acting on it. It continued for a while before I decided to drag my ass home.

I haven’t had sex with someone that much older than myself since I was a teenager having sex with 30-somethings. I don’t mind it that much, I think I just was annoyed that no matter what age I am, I seem to have a better understanding of who I am compared to others around me. I think that means that there is no age that is like the finish line in which self-awareness suddenly becomes the norm, it’s just a matter of taking the time and doing the work. If I think about it, had I not been forced into therapy at 19, I probably wouldn’t be as far along as I am now… because I’m certainly not perfect.