Titles in A transparent lockbox

Tonight all I can seem to think about are titles and projections. Just all the things we are told we are, or are said about us, and the implications of those things. All the things that are arbitrary but we let limit us. Growing up being called weird and people avoiding you because of it, or being attractive and not being taken seriously in whatever you do. I have heard so many stories about people, specifically women, who are just accessed by their looks rather than their skills. What partially comes to mind is the singer Nico, known to resent her beauty and often wished she was a man so she wouldn’t be seen for her looks alone. It is in every field though, people expect you to be stupid or unqualified based on your appearance and ask to talk to someone else instead.
Being called weird too, where people don’t see you as a person but rather a basin for their overflowing cruelty. People tend not to look at you when you are weird until the type of weird you are becomes cool or trendy.
I’ve had these experiences in my life of people telling me who I’m not. Like I’m not capable of moving across the country alone or getting a degree, or I’m not the type of person who goes out to parties. It is never that I shouldn’t, it’s always that I “can’t” which makes me bitter and resentful.
The worst part of it is that it isn’t limited to other people only, because we do it to ourselves. Sometimes we give ourselves such rigid confines of who we are that we won’t explore any further. I will say, sometimes these are quite helpful. Like “Oh, I’m not someone who does crack.”, that can be an excellent boundary to have. The meaningless ones are plaguing me though. There are people in my life and myself who have turned down opportunities that would bring them joy, just because it isn’t part of our perception of ourselves or what we think we like. It’s abundantly stupid when you look at it from the outside. Like how can it be possible that you have great chemistry with someone and find them attractive but they aren’t your type because of their hair colour, height, zodiac sign, or whatever. It is unbearable to witness self-destruction for the sake of ego and external perception because you really could be happy if these bullshit rules you have been told or made up weren’t in place.
I’ve witnessed people decline amazing jobs and travel opportunities because they don’t think they would like the climate or the people there.
I just find myself overwhelmed thinking about all the bridges we have burned and will burn on a whim. Though I forever hold close to my heart that some things are meant to be lost, I just have been having difficulty knowing what.

Last updated January 06, 2024