Midlife Crisis in After OD

I’m 38 years old and I’m having a midlife crisis. I don’t fucking know who I am or what I’m doing. I’ve been a mom half of my life and as my daughter is growing into her own, I am completely lost. Call it that empty nest syndrome or whatever bullshit name you want, but I’m losing it a little more each day.

I constantly have a knot in my gut and my chest is tight. My mind races with mental lists of things I need to do, questions I have about life, self doubts, intrusive thoughts, and general anxieties. It’s like running on a hamster wheel at full speed but I’m going nowhere.

My heart is aching and I feel empty inside. I’m trying to redirect my energy by making dinner dates with friends, making pottery, working to improve my business…I’m even hand sewing a goddamned quilt! I feel like I’m not living as my authentic self, but what exactly is that? I wonder if a tattoo, nose ring, and some hair dye will make a difference. Deep down, I know it won’t.

Nothing makes me feel better. Nothing fills the emptiness.

This. Is. Agonizing.