Breakfast. in Since OD is shutting down....

We finally got out and did breakfast this morning. My friend called and I talked to him for about 2 hours. I guess his unemployment is running out so he’s looking for a job. He had gotten a bunch of gifts for his kid but the Mom had a bunch of drama going on so the kids didn’t get their stuff right away. He didn’t mention anything about his Mom. He said that his Dad was going to give him some money to help him out.

It’s getting warm so the snow is melting. I saw the plow doing our parking lot so that’s nice. I’m going to check the mail soon. I’m still waiting to hear about my rent. Hopefully it comes soon so I can stop worrying about it.

I have since showered and thinking about what to make for lunch. School is back on Tuesday and then I work that day as well. The break is going pretty fast. I just wish we had more to do and people to do it with. My friend said they were going to an arcade and then going home to eat prime rib. I wish we had that kind of stuff to do as well. He still talked about me moving there. I haven’t forgotten about it. I don’t plan to stay here forever.

I plan on messaging my brother at some point to see what they’re doing today. He’s still all about making excuses for BD and I’m sick of it. I mentioned the gift thing where he said something about how he’s probably on a bender. I’m like yeah well it was smart of me to not tell her she would get anything from him. I doubt he even got her anything since he didn’t get any clout for getting her stuff last year. He can’t ever do anything without getting attention for it.

Still working on my videos for my job. I’m almost done. I’m tired of dealing with it. The shit is super boring.

I have since sent an email to CS. She wrote back and said that he did show up to the hearing claiming to be homeless. She said that they of course didn’t believe him and that he did give the name for a recent employer and she’s sent a wage withholding. Basically CS can only take it so far and the rest is up to the courts. I have every single Gofundme saved on an old phone to prove that he’s always claimed to be homeless. Just because he lives at his sister’s place where he doesn’t want to be doesn’t make him homeless. Whether he is seriously homeless or not, my patience has done ran out.

This guy has done nothing but lie and say whatever to gain sympathy. He’s always done this. He’s either super mean and abusive or when things aren’t going well, then he goes back to trying to get whatever attention he can. I just think this is bullshit. He’s never been a parent, never had to worry about childcare or the expense of a kid whatsoever but can’t even hold down a fucking job. I’m so fucking sick of being left with all the responsibility while he says whatever he needs to in order to avoid responsibility. I’d just like to know if there will EVER be any accountability, at least in my daughter’s lifetime.

Honestly, it would just be nice to know if he is seriously homeless! If he is, then there’s a little bit more of a chance that he’s working. I think if he told them the employer and has lied that should be grounds for contempt. There’s also no promise that I’ll see a payment because it takes awhile to get the garnishment on his checks and that’s assuming he even keeps a job, if he has one.

Again, he’s had the better part of 7 years to get it together while I had 9 months. I’ve always had to make sure my daughter is taken care of and that her needs are met while he’s gotten to drink, party, and pretend like he didn’t help create a child and bring her into the world. Every decision I make is based off him being a fucking deadbeat. I would just like to know how long he’s going to get to keep avoiding any responsibility here.

I never got the luxury of a choice or any type of freedom while he’s gotten to do exactly what he’s wanted all along. Just like right now, I’ve been with my daughter none stop for the last 12 days and we still have another 5 days. All I do is clean and make food. I have no break whatsoever while he’s running around being this homeless victim. It’s fucking sickening. He makes me sick.

I have moments where I’m okay with everything and moments where I’m not. It’s really hard being at home so much and in my own head. I’m definitely happy to get back to work but then I have moments where I have a lot of anxiety about it too. It’s not easy to work when you haven’t had a real job in like 3 years and even my side hustle I never got a lot of social interaction. I’m worried that I’m going to have to be there for a very long time because there’s no childcare outside of it.

Sometimes my emotions are overwhelming. Then, I get angry because he’s never had to worry about anything that I’ve had in front of me every single day. I’m honestly more angry about not having help with my daughter physically and what it’s like for me emotionally every day. I constantly worry about getting sick and not being able to take care of her. I always worry about my car breaking down. I worry about not having enough money. I got that $100 gift card and want to spend it getting myself new socks and underwear but then I remember we need laundry soap and household stuff.