Friday! in Since OD is shutting down....

We ate breakfast, got some stuff at the store and got a treat. I think I drank too much iced coffee because I threw it all up. I took a shower and did laundry. I just got done hanging up all my kid’s clothes and organizing her dresser. She’s watching TV and eating grapes.

The sun is starting to go down. My daughter is a bit upset because her big sister isn’t going to get her until tomorrow so she’s been bugging to hit up the dollar store. I don’t really have money for that so I’d like to put it off.

My brother messaged to say that one guy got a room for the night and would like to have her. I wrote back and said she can go if he’s willing to take her and supervise. He hasn’t answered but I know he won’t so it’s not going to happen. I can only imagine what that fucking guy would tell her now just to get shit fired up. I have no doubt that he’d really be bitter and tell her all kinds of shit now.

Still don’t know what happened with court. I get the feeling that he’s probably never going to have to pay so that’s nice. It’s also great how no one is allowed to know anything about him but I’m to let my child go with him. Uh, pry not.

It’s hard to say no because if she were to go with him, I’d get a break but not really because then I have to worry about how she’s being treated and what he’s telling her. I can also bet that he’s probably not alone because he makes sure there’s an audience and there’s other people around to help with her. I highly doubt he’s THAT worried about seeing her because it is Friday night which usually means bar time for him. I don’t like not letting my kid go but it just leads to toxic negative shit that I’m left to deal with. I’ll never forget when she went with them over the Summer and would come home to not knowing when she’ll see or hear from him next. It’s just not fair to her.

He’s done nothing but cheat her since the day she was born and I’ll be damned to be a willing participant in allowing it anymore. I would love nothing more than for her to see her Dad, but under better circumstances. I can’t handle watching her heart break because he is so inconsistent. I know that I can’t watch her be heartbroken anymore. I understand that this is all he’s capable of but I also understand that it’s just an unnecessary ringer for my child too.

It’s like when he saw her at school about a month ago after going MIA for 3 months. Like how do you look your kid in the face just to give them a bunch of excuses and then walk out the fucking door! What is this doing for him?!!?!?!