Questionable Desire in A transparent lockbox

  • Dec. 18, 2023, 1:52 p.m.
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  • Public

I’ve made it through so much of my life being quiet and unrecognizable, but suddenly for the first time in my life, I have the desire to be known. Just for my peers to see who I am I guess, and to exist within the minds of others. I’m certain it’s a waning desire, but it’s interesting nonetheless. The beauty of anonymity to me was how you didn’t have these outside projections of who you are or who you should be, and that you simply were. You’re always enigmatic that way, you are always surprising people, and you don’t feel you have a standard to live up to. But I think something has gone on with my ego, maybe it was passively damaged or beaten down in a way that slid past my consciousness, but I want to be appreciated for my wit, my soul, my elegance, and maybe even my posture. There is all this delicate and detailed work I have put into myself that is generally insignificant but it conveys who I am if you look closely. It isn’t really an urge to be known if we are completely honest though, it is an urge to be understood, just to be seen for all that I am, because isn’t that what we all wonder? Can you love me and take me for all that I am, and all I am not? Maybe if enough people see me and know me, maybe one can understand me.


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